Searching for anything good...(sigh)

[Enduronman]

So much for my morning quiet time!
My Mom is already up, along with the barking dog, dishes clanging around, and the tv too..
I should have gotten up earlier..(sigh)
Hopefully, its a good day anyway.
At least I'll be able to watch some football I guess. Yay.
Have a great day!

E-Man.

[1Bluerose68]

Hi Enduroman, I just read your background history post/thread? and feel somewhat overwhelmed for you. It seems like you are 1 of those parents or family members in a situation called,"Co-Dependency." But it sounds like at least Not all of these dysfunctional members are w/ you all the time. I would change my phone # and Not allow the worst 1z to call and overwhelm me any further. I think I would kick out the meth abusing one, if under age, stick it in a group home(No glamour resort stuff). I would go for a massage at least 2x per week for the body pain stuff and jerky movements, and try drinking teas that may help put your mind at ease after all the bad 1's are physically out the door.......Then try and surround yourself with only good, healthy, non-dysfunctional things in life, like innocent animals that may be saved from the pound, or fish that never talk back to you, or even nice screen saver on your computer w/ calming background sounds.

[1Bluerose68]

Many people sure read your post. What are you a movie star or something???

[1Bluerose68]

I didn't realize that you resided w/ a parent. I had read your descriptive background post/thread? and didn't see that minor detail. You are over 21 y/o right??? Are you a retired vet? Sounds like some PTSD stuff in the posts I have read. They have many support groups for this, even online. How do you move about? You have someone who drives you places?

[1Bluerose68]

Isnt stress and trauma induced amnesia or blackouts strange? I had that too when I slipped and fell at age 4 off a curb/wall. I only recall what happened before I got back up. I suppose its good that my mind chooses what memories I am allowed to recall. Otherwise I might hunch over a lil more everyday that I had to remember ALL the bad stuff. It's like my notebook that makes me renew the memory every 2 years when the data becomes too full. I must remember to purchase backup for the next time I do that too.

1Bluerose68

[melissa90]

I agree -- looking for the positives are the way to go. I myself have put up a son for adoption (my decision) and I remember feeling like I didn't know how I was going to cope with the anxiety and sadness. Yet 3 years later, here I am and I am ok and he is better than ok -- it has turned out to be quite a blessing for me, and introduced the amazing love of a mother into my life. My anxiety attacks started when a friend committed suicide at the age of 18 --- no matter how bad it looks, it gets better.

Hang in there,

Melissa

[Enduronman]

Many people sure read your post. What are you a movie star or something???

You made me laugh! THANK YOU!
My oldest daughter is now pregnant again but seems to be doing better than the first 2 times. She doesn't have custody of either Son because of drugs.
My youngest daughter was arrested 4 times for meth, but is now on probation, drug tests, community service, and lives with my Father.
I am disabled, 46 years old, and live with my Mother who is an alcoholic. Yes. PTSD for sure..
I'm going to see a Psychologist this week for some help with my mental health as medications can only do so much to help calm my mind. I am extremely stressed and anxious daily.
I live on pain killers, medication for nerve pain, and anti anxiety meds so I can actually walk and drive, just not comfortably. Always neck, back, ankle, knee pains.
Have a good day and thank you for your thoughts friend!

E-Man

[Enduronman]

I agree -- looking for the positives are the way to go. I myself have put up a son for adoption (my decision) and I remember feeling like I didn't know how I was going to cope with the anxiety and sadness. Yet 3 years later, here I am and I am ok and he is better than ok -- it has turned out to be quite a blessing for me, and introduced the amazing love of a mother into my life. My anxiety attacks started when a friend committed suicide at the age of 18 --- no matter how bad it looks, it gets better.

Hang in there,

Melissa

Yes, always looking for something positive to be happy about.
My youngest daughter actually started my day off well by sending me a photo of her doing her school work. She's a senior for the 2nd year and needs 7 credits to graduate.
It's hard to keep her focused on that task, even though she can do all of her school work online, and from home.
I hope your anxiety attacks get better, you sound as if you've got a great outlook on things too and that's very helpful for you.
Searching for anything good! YAY!!!
Have a great day Melissa and thank you for your thoughts too.

E-Man

[Im-Suffering]

You made me laugh! THANK YOU!
My oldest daughter is now pregnant again but seems to be doing better than the first 2 times. She doesn't have custody of either Son because of drugs.
My youngest daughter was arrested 4 times for meth, but is now on probation, drug tests, community service, and lives with my Father.
I am disabled, 46 years old, and live with my Mother who is an alcoholic. Yes. PTSD for sure..
I'm going to see a Psychologist this week for some help with my mental health as medications can only do so much to help calm my mind. I am extremely stressed and anxious daily.
I live on pain killers, medication for nerve pain, and anti anxiety meds so I can actually walk and drive, just not comfortably. Always neck, back, ankle, knee pains.
Have a good day and thank you for your thoughts friend!

E-Man

Guilt, is the reason for your health issues, period. I will not tell you how many sojourns you have wrestled with it but this is not the first. The environs all are meant to trigger self growth, in a way that previous incarnations you have shunned, do you understand? So the problems this life must be met, you can squiggle and squirm, but you cannot avoid. You set it up this way. One thing you had sufficiently developed was enough courage to take it on all at once.

Tell the psychologist you wish to be pulled from your current framework. And you must accept this retreat without guilt. You must make first....a decision. Which thus far you have not done. You are stuck, period. What started many years ago as harmless drama and fun is now quicksand. I am attempting to save your life. Not that you need saving, for the soul will be enriched in certain areas from what you have learned in this sojourn. But overall pain is self inflicted and generally not preferable to growth unless the entity feels no other way to attack the problems you came here to attack.

I am telling you to take a vacation from your current life. And if that involves removing self from family, children, all of it, then so be it. The side of the coin you are living is a trance state, and I for a few brief moments will interrupt that, allowing some degree of clarity in.

Others must live their life, and be allowed to make mistakes or act a fool without you shaking in your boots with them, for when you go for tests it is you alone that suffer.

The following statement you will not understand, but one day the shell will open revealing its pearl :

There is only you, there is no one else.

Now, in closing and again, work on guilt with your new friend the therapist, and then work on pulling yourself out of the idea of yourself, and the concept of your life.

I am here speaking to myself, for there is only me, and my idea of who I am, but in utterly being me, I have a ripple effect, universally, because we are all one. It does your family no good to be unhealthy (you), for in what is the highest regard for self, is always the best for others, period.

If others around you are acting foolish, or beneath themselves it is not for you to join them, but to lovingly separate yourself lest you become a fool. If you see yourself at your best, then you will see others at their best, and if they act in contrast to that, you will move away from them. Let the guilt be broken, for once and for all.

Are you acting, thinking, being, in your best interests, every moment of every day?

End/

[Enduronman]

Guilt, is the reason for your health issues, period. I am telling you to take a vacation from your current life. And if that involves removing self from family, children, all of it, then so be it. The side of the coin you are living is a trance state, and I for a few brief moments will interrupt that, allowing some degree of clarity in. There is only you, there is no one else.
Now, in closing and again, work on guilt with your new friend the therapist, and then work on pulling yourself out of the idea of yourself, and the concept of your life. If others around you are acting foolish, or beneath themselves it is not for you to join them, but to lovingly separate yourself lest you become a fool. If you see yourself at your best, then you will see others at their best, and if they act in contrast to that, you will move away from them. Let the guilt be broken, for once and for all. Are you acting, thinking, being, in your best interests, every moment of every day?

Chronic stress, anxiety, panic, trigeminal neuralgia, shingles, relapsing polychondritis, spondylosis, retrolisthesis, tremors, severe joint pains, and disability is all caused by my guilt?
I can not find nor figure out what I am guilty about or feel guilty of...hmmm, thinking.
I like your perspectives. Thoughts. Perception of things as disclosed..
I will discuss this possibility with the Psych this week. Interesting concept, idea, philosophy.
I don't know if I am living just for "me" everyday. I honestly don't have that answer.
Thank you for the depth of your reply friend, another way to look at things, and I will have to dig deep to find this answer.
Blessings to you!

E-Man..