My anxiety over the new school year is becoming unbearable.

[skittishstudent]

Let me give you some background... I'm going to be a senior in high school this year. I say this following information with no intent of sounding cocky or anything, it's just important to the situation: I'm ranked 1 in my class, got a 35 on my ACT, and have a GPA of 5.003.

As school approaches, I have been thinking - almost obsessively - about how I might not "be as smart as the past few years" and that I might not do well in school this year. There's no logical reason for me thinking this, and I know that - but I can't stop freaking out over it. I'm convinced that this school year is going to be bad and my grades - and thus my GPA and rank - are going to go down. I can't stop thinking about it, and I feel like there's a constant weight or tightness in my chest. I know the way I'm thinking is ridiculous, and there's no logical reason for me to worry - I've never had trouble in school, it's always been relatively easy. But I can't shake this feeling of dread and intense nervousness. It's driving me crazy, and I don't know what to do about it.

I haven't been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, but I'm really starting to think this is more than just normal anxiety. I get this way about a lot of things - but never school. And I don't want to start the school year like this. I don't know exactly what I'm looking for -reassurance, suggestions - but I know I need to do something to relieve this.

[Enduronman]

YAY! A new subject..I love jumping around here!..

HMM, lemme think about this for a sec, ok done. I got a plan!..yer smart, you'll get it..

Welcome to The Twilight Zone! (creepy music playing)..

Subject: Me
1. 4 sport athelete for 8 years. Great baseball player, Fast in track, Good in football, ? in basketball (too hyper).
2. Straight A student until 7th grade. Top of the class in every regard. Got my first B ever that year! Never saw one before.. A complete lifelong meltdown began instantly and followed me around for 31 YEARS. I gave up..done.
3. Why? Because I let "myself" down. I (not my parents) had placed such HIGH DEMANDS upon myself to be the best at everything so when that B arrived, that was it. The (unreasonable and unfair and unsustainable and unrealistic) expectation that I demanded, from myself, kicked myself in the a**...A crushing defeat, orchestrated by..me.
4. Why did I just type and share that with you?...You already know why. I don't need to "see" your answer.


SUBJECT: You
1. An obviously intelligent young man, or you wouldnt have made it to where you now are.
2. You have also had the strength to keep your demand high, your output high, your stamina high, your expectation high, and an ability that I didn't have and that is to keep "yourself" held together for all these years too. I was born with a "genetic abnormality" which gave me a "genetic predispostion" or liklihood of.. SNAP!
Nature made me what I am and I can't change that..not negotiable. "Intense High Anxiety" is what I have lived with for 44 years, but I am in control of "it" instead.
3. If you are already nervous, obsessing, thinking irrationally, freaking out, convincing yourself that you're going to be a failure, (which in most peoples minds means an F, yet in your mind it means a B just like I saw), stressing that your class rank will go down, incessantly pondering, pain in your chest, ridiculous thoughts, feelings of dread, feels like yer going insane...and you havent even walked into the classroom door yet...

Dear Skittishdude,

You got 2 choices in front of you, on the table.
1. You either continue to place demands upon yourself that leaves 0 margin for error, continue feeling this exact same way, until that moment of inevitability HITS YOU IN THE MOUTH LIKE A FASTBALL FROM THE PITCHER MOUND..and in reaction to this moment you believe that you have let yourself down..and then EVERYTHING you've acheived goes down the drain because you feel defeated..but in all reality, (that you will not even see) you're still a great student just maybe not #1 anymore...OR
2. Forget about trying to climb to the top of Mt. Everest (sustaining #1) with NO safety gear, NO oxygen mask, NO rope, NO food, NO water...NOTHING. All those words in that previous sentence mean= Be prepared to accept the fact that you may not make it the top...and dont let a LETTER FROM THE ALPHABET THAT ISNT SHAPED LIKE AN "A"....destroy your mind, life, soul, and in my case...body too.

Your decision.

Best wishes, and Goodluck SON!

Enduronman.

[skittishstudent]

The weird thing is, I KNOW once school actually starts, I'll be fine. It's not going to be hard to keep my grades up. It's just the leading up to it that's killing me... I keep trying to tell myself that it doesn't matter, that I'll be fine, that there's no reason to freak out. The way I'm feeling is so... illogical. I don't feel like I can control it.

[Enduronman]

Your last comment.."I dont feel like I can control it."

Dude,

This is too simple for a fella with your mental ability and strength..

All I suggest that you do, and do it right now. Is to make your choice. Do you pick option #1? OR Do you pick option #2? You answer that multiple choice question that is obviously WAY shorter then anything you've ever seen as your options for answer wouldv'e been 3 X's that...

Answer the question.

Then you'll know if you can control it, or you're going to let it control you..

E-Man.