Thank you. Your reply was very helpful and insightful because I know I have many childhood issues. From divorce, abandonment, and neglect.
Many of what I had to deal with as a child (was not a child's place or burden to bare). I have began that process of trying to heal, meditate, and open my spirit to the why I feel this way. I think I know WHY but I don't exactly know how to heal. Those closest to me tell me that "time" will heal many of what I went through. I don't blame my childhood. I've been able to be what I consider "successful" but not "happy". I would measure success as career, reaching goals, etc. But I feel as though, Happiness involves emotions, feelings, family, and those are what scare me. It's okay for me to control my job, my possessions, but people aren't that.


So I see the reason why being a mom would trigger me to feel like I'm unable to control this. The older I get I realize what I can/cannot control.
But with the age, comes my "biological clock". I see women well into their 40's that have healthy labors and childbirth. I Really want to reach out and talk to other women like myself, (or men if this fits into that category - fear of getting a woman pregnant etc).

Nothing is too personal for me when I am trying to heal and self discover.
Please PM inbox me.