Searching for anything good...(sigh)

[Enduronman]

Hi Enduroman? How are you doing???

Hanging in there Blue!
How are you doing?

Enjoy the day friend.

E-Man

[JohnC]

Don't even mention shingles, lol. The first thing i did when i got this place in 2000 beside replumb the place was take off a old leaking tin roof and put shingles on it. When i tore the tin off there was wooden shake shingles underneath! What a job that turned out to be. Did i mention that i don't like heights. The plan was to have the whole house done in 10 years, 14 years later i still have one room to go on the inside and insulation and siding on the outside. Hell, the stuff i did 14 years ago is starting to need repair! At 49 i do not recoup from the pain and soreness like i used to. They say getting old aint for sissies but just thinking about it gives me a PANIC attack! Peace all

[Im-Suffering]

How are ya'll this Sunday? Just a quick chime in on topic and before the next therapy appt.

Many psychiatrist and psychologists now realise that a disturbed client cannot be helped sufficiently unless the individual is considered along with his or her relationship to the family unit.

The same idea applies to physical illness as well. It is possible, however, to carry this idea even further, so that a person in poor health should be seen by the physician in relationship to the family and also in relationship to the environment. Old-time family doctors understood the patient’s sensitivity to family members and to the environment, of course, and they often felt a lively sympathy and understanding that the practitioners of modern medicine often seem to have forgotten.

Also on the subject of genetics, I have heard the questions regarding illness.

Beliefs do indeed bring about physical alterations. They can even – and often do – change genetic messages.

There are diseases that people believe are inherited, carried from one generation to another by a faulty genetic communication. Obviously, many people with, for example, a genetic heritage of arthritis, do not come down with the disease themselves, while others indeed are so afflicted. The difference is one of belief.

The people who have accepted the suggestion uncritically that they will inherit such a malady do then seem to inherit it: they experience the symptoms. Actually the belief itself may have turned a healthy genetic message into an unhealthy one.

Best wishes for a good session tomorrow is it not?

Also, do your own research on new construction, take a trip by yourself to the sales office and pick up blueprints/brochures, when you find something magnificent surprise her, show her the model home (or a few different homes)and or floorplans. She will enjoy that. Imaginings would not do justice for her as much as an actual walkthrough. Then you will at least have made your final decision on concrete experience and neither one of you will have regrets because you would have explored all possibilities.

[Enduronman]

Don't even mention shingles, lol. The first thing i did when i got this place in 2000 beside replumb the place was take off a old leaking tin roof and put shingles on it. When i tore the tin off there was wooden shake shingles underneath! What a job that turned out to be. Did i mention that i don't like heights. The plan was to have the whole house done in 10 years, 14 years later i still have one room to go on the inside and insulation and siding on the outside. Hell, the stuff i did 14 years ago is starting to need repair! At 49 i do not recoup from the pain and soreness like i used to. They say getting old aint for sissies but just thinking about it gives me a PANIC attack! Peace all

I worked on many homes that had the wood shingles beneath 4 layers of shingles, those were the dirtiest jobs ever! And the most expensive too. Redecking, all those little nails, dust, soot, nasty. I climbed on roofs that were 22 pitch, and 70' in the air. I loved the heights! LOL! I also know all about soreness. I've been dealing with constant soreness for 28 friggin months solid, non stop, and all kinds of meds to help it too. I feel like a zombie. You'll get it done John, just takes time and patience too.

Yes, getting old sucks ass!

Have a good day friend.

E-Man

[Enduronman]

How are ya'll this Sunday? Is your Mother still a fuckin idiot? Just a quick chime in on topic and before the next therapy appt. Also on the subject of genetics, I have heard the questions regarding illness. There are diseases that people believe are inherited, carried from one generation to another by a faulty genetic communication. The difference is one of belief.

Best wishes for a good session tomorrow is it not?

Yes, my Mother is still a fuckin idiot. Insensitive, selfish, self centered, harsh, rude, unjust, and just fucked up my son's day of birth. I wanted to strangle this woman. Literally.
He just asked her for his birthday card with money in it before he went to the mall with his sister, that my parent hates.
She said "I'm not giving it to you until you get back because your sister will steal it from you!".......grrrrrrr
I said "He's going to the fucking mall and he wants to go shopping!"......grrrrrrrrrr
She then said "Well, are you going to spend it on you or your sister?!"...grrrrrr
He said, "Grammy, it's MY CHOICE of what I do with my gift!!!"......(sigh)....
I told her to "shut the fuck up, quit trying to make everyone DO what you think they should DO, because it isn't your fuckin right or place to tell everyone how to be or live so you approve!!"
She then said "Well, you're a terrible parent and its all your fault that your girls did drugs and got into trouble and got pregnant!!" and "You make me sick and upset all the time!"......Breathe Chris, calm down, don't retaliate...with?
"Hey Mom, do you fucking recall that your daughter was pregnant twice when she was 15 and 16 and you drove her out of state to get abortions, and she was pregnant again at 17 and had a baby with no Father, and she was also a drug addict, and I too was a fucking drug addict and got arrested 30 times, and got kicked out of a major city, and both of us dropped out of school, and we were both terrible children, so that makes YOU a fuckin terrible parent I guess?" ...."You sick, mentally disturbed dumbass that is terrorizing everyone around you!"...breathe..

THAT is how today went, and yes I go to see the Psych again tomorrow too armed with yet another fucked up story about this sickening deranged alcoholic that I now live with and not because of choice.

Happy Birthday Son?...Holy shit!!!.....We're making memories? Isn't this great?...And I have to drive him 2 hours away, drop him off, let him go again, and not see him until Christmas...

I am presently wishing for things to happen, that aren't pleasant to state or discuss with anyone. My Father calmed me down, and says that she has brain damage and has no idea what she is saying, how hurtful it is, how it affects others, and really doesn't give a shit either. I am moving to his house next week. Making those plans now. I have to get out of here before someone gets critically injured or worse. That would be selfish of me, my loved family members would then suffer more then they already are being FORCED too suffer. I am in a dark place...

YAY!!!...Thou shalt not do any harm. What a great day...where's my meds?..Got em!. controlled breathing, looking at a photo of my kids, figuring out what to do with all this shit here now, thinking about packing things up, what to do with these trucks, how to get away from this fucking madness, insanity, trying to pick up the pieces again, wishing that I was a wizard like Harry Potter, I could then do some amazing things. BAAAHAHA!!!...calming down. Keep my sanity.

It's a wonderful life.

E-Man

[Dahila]

Hey Chris I think your dad is right, she drinks she must have damaged the brain. Alcoholics mostly are awful people. I think they are so fucked up, they really do not know what they are saying. I went once to the party small one, and ladies start to gossip about my friend's son, about his drug habits, (just grass) and his relationship. They had not realized that I am close with his mom. I got upset and ask everyone of them about their children. some are real drug addicts, some were arrested few times. Some are simply sluts. Of course i am banned from this group but I told them their story. It was worth it! To see the frigging galloping eyes and see them blushing was something. People put attention on others, criticizing them, not to acknowledge their habits and wrongdoings

[Enduronman]

Hey Chris I think your dad is right, she drinks she must have damaged the brain. Alcoholics mostly are awful people. I think they are so fucked up, they really do not know what they are saying.

My Mother is now banned from my life, and so are all my children too.
I won't miss her, or this place in any way.
She can drown her sorrows all she wishes, I don't give a fuck anymore.

E-Man

[Enduronman]

Don't avoid the real pain, hurts inside by spending therapy time on someone else. Stay with the goal of releasing, healing, your own feelings. You've got some serious (Self) work to do.

What happened today is associative meaning the same thing happened 30 years ago (we can generalize it as abuse), and so forth. The important work is done with the emotions, the feelings and beliefs, not the actual events. They don't matter as much as how they make you feel, about you. (And to a larger extent how the abuse alters your overall perception about the world and others). Impacts do reach out in all directions. But the main work is within you, how you feel.

So you made the decision to move out I see. You do remember how to make firm decisions ! From now on, let your decisions all be in your best interests. We will call them 'healthy' decisions, where in the past they were destructive.

Just got in after a 6 hour trip to take my son back to his Mother.
What a drag in every way possible.
I won't see him again until December...(sigh)
Thank you for your words friend.
Therapy again tomorrow.
I will be in my room all day until then, avoiding the dumbass.
Maybe do some packing too. Need to get some boxes. Yay!!!

E-Man.

[Enduronman]

Good morning.

I can't stop replaying those idiotic sentences spoken to me by this person here, that is supposed to be my parent. She is obviously very sick and mentally disturbed.
For anyone to say those words as they were voiced, to a disabled son, or any person, is unforgivable and unforgettable. Verbal abuse, judgment, from a mentally deranged individual.
All because I told her, to shut the fuck up because everything that comes out of your mouth, is garbage. Emotional, verbal, vomit.
"You're a terrible parent and person".. "You make me sick".. "You are the reason that your daughters were failures".."You only need me around for money".."Your sister said that she loved me, but she didn't like me".."This is my house and I can say whatever I want".."You and I shouldn't talk at all".."You are to blame for everything that is wrong".."I wasn't raised the way that you raised your kids".....grrrrrrrrrrrrrr.rrrrr.rrrrrr.r.rr.r. This person that spoke these words, is severely fucked up in all aspects and regard. There is brain damage. There are psychological issues.
It's too bad I can't throw this so called parent into a nursing home, like right fucking now! If I could, I surely would, with NO questions about it.
My son told me some things that she said to him when I took him home too. That she might just give this house to charity because I can't take care of it. What an idiot she is.
This was to be my house, my cars, my boats, and half of the money was to be mine too. That's how the will is written. That may change when I leave here. And at the moment, I don't give a fuck.
The Holidays should be interesting this year too, I won't be here, my children won't be here either. In fact, I think my nephew and his family are thinking about not attending also.
This sad, sadistic, bitch of a Mother can enjoy it all alone. Maybe that will make her feel better, less stressed, and she can drink 20 shots for all I fuckin care.
I've lost everything in my life, now I will lose a parent too. I was welcomed here at one time but I somehow apparently wore out my welcome, by laying quietly on a couch daily. Senseless.
She needs serious help. A doctor, some medications, and a team of fucking therapists too. Will she seek help? No. She'll just blame EVERYTHING on me. LMAO!!! YAY!!!
Going to have to get some boxes today, and figure out what to do with these two trucks sitting outside in the yard. My Dad has no room for them. Only room for me.
This was all supposed to be a challenge, a lesson, something that I was to learn and to go through, to make me a stronger person overall. I was to KNOW her, for what she really is.
When I go, I more then likely will stand a chance to lose $1,000.000.00. At this particular time at 647am on October 20th, 2014, I don't think I really give a shit either.
What the fuck does it really matter, in the Grand Scheme of things anyway. Maybe, she'll just give it all to charity. Hope it's a good one! Asshole! LOL!!
I'm not upset or sad, I'm pissed off and mad. If it were the 1800's, then I would deal with this in a manner consistent with the times....I don't know what happened? BAAHAAAHAAAAHA!!!!
I can hardly wait to see the Psych this evening, he may think I am going mad or losing it. Should be an interesting session to say the least. Write this shit down doc!

Have a splendid and spectacular day friends!

E-ready to lose it all-Man..

[Enduronman]

I SO want to retaliate.....
Must resist the urge.
Must maintain.
Going to see doctor asap.

Enduronman.