Searching for anything good...(sigh)

[Enduronman]

My appointment is at 4pm. I am extremely nervous about it. More stressed about this then having an MRI, surgery, EMG, EEG, blood test, or stitches in my thumb with no anesthetic.
I am teetering on the brink I feel. Thankfully, my Mother just turned off the dumbass court tv crap programs and left here for awhile.
I can empathize with you on the door ding. I had a newer flawless car once when my first child was born 23 years ago. I waxed it every weekend. Changed the oil every 3 months.
ALWAYS parked away from every one, at the back of parking lots and walked further to the door.
My then wife, didn't function like that. She was a "closer parking space" searcher. Would drive up and down the isles looking. She found one, and squeezed the car into it. I wasn't with her.
Sure enough. She returned and There was my ding!! I too was mentally and physically sick about it. I never forgot about it either and I always looked at it afterwards.
I don't know that I ever forgave her for that, it was partly her own fault for her decision to park in between people. Risky. Other people don't care. I wouldn't do that to another car.
Now, I just drive pieces of shit that have dents and dings everywhere so I wouldn't even notice anything new..junky cars.
This event may bother you for awhile, until you choose how to view it a different way as we can choose our own attitudes about circumstances beyond our own control..so they say.
Hope your day gets better friend...

E-Man

[Enduronman]

to be the caring, compassionate, kind, sensitive person that I really am. Yes, yes it is what i value in the person. Being that way we suffer, it comes with the package, but I would not change myself in a dot. Do not dare to change it too Eman!!! I am like you and proud of it, even everyone especially my partner criticize it. I do not care, I think to be someone like that there is a price to pay and that's fine. Eman it is why I enjoy every contact with you and admire you ) Everything is going to be ok. Facing the fears is the worst, but usually the events are not as painful as our worry about the outcome. Your gf will be ok!!
Look at the post above. After I bumped my car a few times, I stopped caring. Hubby is telling that i am not going to get the new one, so be it)) dents and scratches) who cares, it is not worth the worry

Thank you very much Dahl. I'm trying to keep myself together the best that I can..
Blessings friend.

E-Man.

[Im-Suffering]

I saw your post when it was just one line long. I thought to myself, it had to be the shortest post of yours I'd ever seen. I felt quite short-changed! I'm glad you added to it.

I'm waiting for e-man to report back from his appt, I'm very excited for him! In the meantime ill just lament about this here ding.

[Enduronman]

Had to take a Xanax when I got there, and when I got home too. ahhhhhh....
Stressful talk, childhood, life, issues, omg...
Just said that "I had a lot on my plate" to deal with and he will write a report to the doctor with some other suggestions for meds to try.
Then set up another appointment for the 15th. Looks like I will be going weekly now. YAY!
I guess it's ok, and the best that we can all do.
Hopefully they will be able to help me, I am counting on them!
Have a good night.

E-Man

[Im-Suffering]

Had to take a Xanax when I got there, and when I got home too. ahhhhhh....
Stressful talk, childhood, life, issues, omg...
Just said that "I had a lot on my plate" to deal with and he will write a report to the doctor with some other suggestions for meds to try.
Then set up another appointment for the 15th. Looks like I will be going weekly now. YAY!
I guess it's ok, and the best that we can all do.
Hopefully they will be able to help me, I am counting on them!
Have a good night.

E-Man

Things are getting better each day ! Thanks for checking in. You have a good evening as well.

[Enduronman]

You have a good evening as well.

The Indianapolis Colts are kickin the shit out of the Texans, it made me smile and laugh. 24-0 in the first quarter. Yes, a good evening! YAY!! zzzzzzzzzz

E-Man

[Enduronman]

I woke up too damn early again, then some anxiety arrived.
I forced myself to lay back down and figure out how to calm my nerves.
I have an idea of its causes. My drunken parent saying stupid shit last night to me, and, my GP saying that she doesn't want to increase my Xanax dosage because she wants the Psych to see the real me not a medicated version of me. I understand. Still don't like it though!! Talking about the shit that bothers you with another person, stranger, is tough to do.
My doctor also sent me a message this morning that said I should really think about writing a book. She thinks it would be a best seller. She made me smile for a second.
Anyway, enough of the bullshit so I can keep this positive attitude that I just woke up with. I created it by reflecting back on all the beautiful things that I used to be able to do and left it right there.
I just viewed all of the projects within my mind. They were amazingly challenging but all turned out very nicely in the end. I was happy. Clients were happy. It was good times.
Time to kickoff a new day now! F**kin rain again!!! Oh well, I had better get used to that too as winter approaches.
Have a great day!

E-Man

[Dahila]

Eman have been on Klonopin? It is long lasting 8 hours and works like xanax.

[Enduronman]

Eman have been on Klonopin? It is long lasting 8 hours and works like xanax.

I don't think I've ever tried K-pins. My daughter had them at one time. They caused her memory loss and she did something, that she had forgot. Stressful too!
Now, I'm going to whine for a minute just because I had to stand in a line for 10 minutes, my friggin ankles are killing me! Even with Oxycodone!...(sigh)...:/
My ankles are generally always sore anyway, but shit this is getting real fuckin old. And, the Oxy makes me want to throw up. In fact, everything makes me want to throw up. Yay.
I've been laying down all fuggin day and just took some more meds to see if that helps. I think Oxy is as strong as it gets. Not sure wtf else to do about this.
Thinking about asking for an MRI of the ankles, maybe that will reveal something. I have my doubts though. Maybe, just a waste of time. IDK!!!
I see the surgeon who cut my leg off on Monday to hear the results of the biopsy. I wonder if that proved to be useful at all. It was really fun to be knocked the fuck out though! zzzzzzzzz zz zz z
Then back to the Psych on Wednesday, hopefully that helps me in some way too. IDK yet. He is writing a report to my doctor. Suggesting other drugs too. Of course! yay... (sigh)
If the rest of my life is going to be like this, then I am going to be one miserable individual. This sucks ass! This shit isn't cool!
I want to shoot a dart in my neck like Will Ferrell did in Old School...pull what out? Wait, wait...yer crazy, yer crazy but I like you, but yer crazy. I feel so tired...plomp.
That's what I want!
Fuck...(sigh)

E-wtf is next-Man.

[Enduronman]

Really stressed, anxious.
Trying to pinpoint the major majority of it, and it mostly boils down to living with my alcoholic parent. I hate seeing her get so drunk, every single night. Its making me sicker.
Yes, I have mentioned this to her, many times already. She says that alcohol isn't a drug, says its so sad that I have to take so many pills, staggers around here, mumbles, talks to herself.
Goes in and out the door last night, 23 times! All in the matter of an hour. I heard her say "I'm going to make another drink, fuck it"....she is causing me HIGH ANXIETY.
In all honesty, I think that she is making her life and my life more miserable then it already is. My doctor suggested that maybe I should move into a shelter where I may be happier.
I am taking that into consideration. This place is stressing me the fuck out. I could barely understand her last night. Asking me if I am eating dinner when clearly I was.
She asked me the same question twice!!! With food in front of me, at 7 pm!!!. You think maybe that's what I'm doing???!!!!! (SIGH)...
Got to get out of here today. Going to look at a house with my girlfriend. Then maybe just sit at her house for a little while, away from here...
Thanks for reading.

E-Man