E-man is right -- you should see a psychiatrist and begin to get some help. We all thought it would be extremely difficult to start this process. But really it is not nearly as hard as you would think, because the doctors know how to get things started. No matter how anxious you are, a doctor will be able to help you feel better. You are not experiencing anything they have not seen many times. It seems overwhelming to you, but not to the doctor. You will feel better. It may not happen overnight. It may require a combination of medication and therapy. And it may take some effort on you part. But you are NOT beyond help. There are people with the same issues you have who have gotten treatment and gone on to live happy and productive lives.

Obviously you want help. Otherwise you would not have posted on this board. So take the first step. Ask your doctor for a referral to a psychiatrist. Call him (or her). Make an appointment. The sooner you take this first step, the sooner you will feel better.