Searching for anything good...(sigh)

[mykids12]

Ok dear forum friends,..here's what is going on and why you haven't seen me much.. First off, all these damn test and procedures to try and figure out why I can hardly walk. My legs feel like they're being squeezed by something every friggin day. Like I'm a damn mummy. Just the legs (for now) and been like this for 14 fuggin months. I have medications, they help, but there has to be a cause or reason. Hence=test after test. I have ANOTHER friggin MRI tomorrow morning at 630am..the spine. There may be spinal damage from this disease and or pinched nerves. Then I have to have something called an EMG on the 27th. Tiny needles will be stuck in my legs with electrodes attached to see electrical malfunctions I guess. Like acupuncture with wires. Yay... Then a Neurosurgeon on the 28th, to read all this s**t and tell me what's next or if there's nothing that they can do. I've already had physical therapy for my neck, then maybe I'll have therapy on my legs. I just don't really know..I can't stand for more than 10 mins without my legs killing me, get in and out of the damn car, climb the stairs, but used to be able to do anything and lift tons of weight. It still makes no sense to me. Second off, my oldest daughter was a drug addict. She quit taking (methadone) after 2 solid years..but, there's a catch. She replaced it with something else I believe (crystal meth)..She's dropping weight fast, and I see and sense other things going on too. Just when I thought she had found her inner strengths, I see she just chose something else completely f**kin stupid instead..plus, she adds extra "drama" into my life now too. I don't know what to believe when she tells me stories. Most of the stories are about her younger sis that is in my home. About drugs. That's ALLLLLLLLL she talks about....and not the LEGAL ones that I take, the other ones...it's draining me. Then, lastnight. I get a call from the Doctors office to speak to me about lion cub..(17)..They say that they need her to come in for a drug test because something strange popped up in her system? So, for a few hours..I am freaking the f**k out about what it could be? She saw the Doc on the 20th, 1 day after going to a damn dentists office to have a filling done, and they gave her VALIUM!! I even took the f**kin bottle out there with us on the 20th, showed the nurse, showed the Doc, they both looked at it,,,,but TOOK NO F**KIN NOTES ABOUT IT!!!..That's what was "in her system"...Son of a beyotch! So, I had to take her out there today for a surprise drug screen, because of something that I tried to make them aware of and prevent on December fuggin 20th!!!....Lion cub was not happy, nor kind to the RN that didn't (DO HER JOB)!!!...... Between allllll this shit...I'm trying to hang in there and hang in here too..... Now you know!! Like my new signature???? It's from a song that you would all HATE!!! LMAO!!... (sigh)... E-Man...

BUT you manage to stay positive even with everything going on. I wish I could be that way. Not that I'm negative all the time but the bad things always manage to creep into my head and stay there for awhile. I look too far into the future instead of living each day as it comes. I need to learn how to do this

[em1]

Ok dear forum friends,..here's what is going on and why you haven't seen me much.. First off, all these damn test and procedures to try and figure out why I can hardly walk. My legs feel like they're being squeezed by something every friggin day. Like I'm a damn mummy. Just the legs (for now) and been like this for 14 fuggin months. I have medications, they help, but there has to be a cause or reason. Hence=test after test. I have ANOTHER friggin MRI tomorrow morning at 630am..the spine. There may be spinal damage from this disease and or pinched nerves. Then I have to have something called an EMG on the 27th. Tiny needles will be stuck in my legs with electrodes attached to see electrical malfunctions I guess. Like acupuncture with wires. Yay... Then a Neurosurgeon on the 28th, to read all this s**t and tell me what's next or if there's nothing that they can do. I've already had physical therapy for my neck, then maybe I'll have therapy on my legs. I just don't really know..I can't stand for more than 10 mins without my legs killing me, get in and out of the damn car, climb the stairs, but used to be able to do anything and lift tons of weight. It still makes no sense to me. Second off, my oldest daughter was a drug addict. She quit taking (methadone) after 2 solid years..but, there's a catch. She replaced it with something else I believe (crystal meth)..She's dropping weight fast, and I see and sense other things going on too. Just when I thought she had found her inner strengths, I see she just chose something else completely f**kin stupid instead..plus, she adds extra "drama" into my life now too. I don't know what to believe when she tells me stories. Most of the stories are about her younger sis that is in my home. About drugs. That's ALLLLLLLLL she talks about....and not the LEGAL ones that I take, the other ones...it's draining me. Then, lastnight. I get a call from the Doctors office to speak to me about lion cub..(17)..They say that they need her to come in for a drug test because something strange popped up in her system? So, for a few hours..I am freaking the f**k out about what it could be? She saw the Doc on the 20th, 1 day after going to a damn dentists office to have a filling done, and they gave her VALIUM!! I even took the f**kin bottle out there with us on the 20th, showed the nurse, showed the Doc, they both looked at it,,,,but TOOK NO F**KIN NOTES ABOUT IT!!!..That's what was "in her system"...Son of a beyotch! So, I had to take her out there today for a surprise drug screen, because of something that I tried to make them aware of and prevent on December fuggin 20th!!!....Lion cub was not happy, nor kind to the RN that didn't (DO HER JOB)!!!...... Between allllll this shit...I'm trying to hang in there and hang in here too..... Now you know!! Like my new signature???? It's from a song that you would all HATE!!! LMAO!!... (sigh)... E-Man...

Hey EMan oh you have got so much on your mind right now,your strong and you can get through this,we are all here for you,come on here and have a vent let it all out
Hugs to you

[John_Mark]

Hey EMan oh you have got so much on your mind right now,your strong and you can get through this,we are all here for you,come on here and have a vent let it all out
Hugs to you

Hugs for you :-)

[em1]

Hugs for you :-)

Oh thanks

[jessed03]

Keep strong big bro. I'm building the machine here cos of your help, you'll get it sorted there. You have the determination and the patience.

[Dahila]

Keep strong big bro. I'm building the machine here cos of your help, you'll get it sorted there. You have the determination and the patience.

Yeah he is stong and positive for us, so sending the hugs

[NeverToo...Fear]

You got all of us here for support, E-man.. if anyone can stay strong, it's you.. You're not called Endure on Man for nothing! Although sometimes, a break from adversity would be great.. More hugs to you!

[NixonRulz]

That sucks E man. Seeing your kids falling into a bad sort is heartbreaking. I feel for you

Also about all the shit you have to get done

If I look for some solace, I see that the doctors are determined to find what is going on based on all the tests

I know the are a nuisance and annoying, but it am glad they are doing their due diligence.

Soon you'll be back lifting tons of shit again if they have their way

[Lee Grant Irons]

Hey Eman! Glad to see you are still in the mode. Have you ever taken Lion Cub for a ride, pointed at a homeless woman on the street, and said, "You do realize that while I am alive, you have it easy, but when I die, you will get nothing because I have nothing. That is gonna be you when I die, unless you get your act together and stop the drugs."

[Enduronman]

I really appreciate all this support, more then my words could even express. You're all true friends, truly compassionate, truly caring,..
I am reallllly being stretched and pushed to the edges of sanity with these health issues, the girls, and things that all come along with being disabled too.

All I have to do tomorrow is an MRI at 7am, and then the rest of the weekend is "mind clearing" time I hope...Then start the process again on Monday.

I hope to get back here and spend some time with you all too..alot of people still in need out there I know.

I will get these issues resolved, just wish it didn't take years to figure out.

Many, many blessings to you all!...

E-Man..