Hi all My name is Rachel and I am new to this website -- but it's nice that such a place exists. I feel very lost right now and have never before reached out for serious help.

I'm 19 and I've been dealing with anxiety for a few years now, but it has seemingly worsened within the past year (I had also been in my first serious relationship that I am still trying to get over).

I have been feeling very disconnected from the world around me... I used to take my surroundings for granted, but everything has seemed hazed over for a while now, but I have gotten used to it for the most part. I wake up feeling tired and anxious, almost disconnected from reality -- and not to mention have had multiple dreams where I've been shot/murdered, and that affects my state-of-mind the following day. I sometimes experience heavy breathing, shaky hands, and just an overall feeling of depression (questioning why life is worth it, what the point of all this is...) However, I have worked at multiple coffee shops for a long time now and have developed a substantial dependency on caffeine, thus I feel as though without caffeine all of my anxiety symptoms skyrocket.

My brother (21 yrs) also suffers from anxiety/depression, but his is more social based I believe. I do think that this could be a genetic issue or a result of the household environment I grew up in (alcoholism, fighting, abuse). Either way, I am really sick of feeling this way. I realize that I have a roof over my head, a family that loves me, a circle of friends, and both aspirations and interests, but I still can't manage to break through the nasty anxiety and depression that I have been suffering through. I just hope this can all go away and I can feel normal again some day.

I thought it might be worth a shot to join this community and shout out to who ever is listening --- I appreciate all feedback... =)


~~ rachel