Quote Originally Posted by Mr Jingles View Post
littlebirdee,

How are you feeling about the death of your friend now? Still calm or have things changed?

My hope is always that death is a peaceful sleep, the end of all problems. Or, that if there is an after life or next life that me trying hard to be a good person will mean life might even be a little easier in the next round.
Today is a hard day, the service for my friend is across the country and my boyfriend and I couldn't possibly afford to fly out on short notice which breaks my heart. We've sent donations to the family which is about all we can do. I don't feel as 'numb' but I'm not panicking so much as just plain old sad, "normal" grief. My boyfriend texted me "he was going to be the best man at our wedding" and that's when I kind of lost it.

My hope is that as more of our friends go "there" the thought of us joining them doesn't sound too bad. Either it is as you say, the end of all problems, or some kind of afterlife, and I have hopefully been living as well as I can in case of that scenario. I don't know. it is kind of hard to wrap my mind around all my goals and accomplishments just being wiped away. It's like pouring hundreds of hours into an art project just to have someone break it and destroy it, but I guess it's hard to compare because there wouldn't be a "me" to care about it in the case of death.

Gotta love being plagued by unanswerable questions. There's that saying that's like "if everyone threw their problems in a pile, everyone would rush to pick theirs up again", but I don't know about that. I feel like would trade my fear of death for everyone else's anxiety problems in a heartbeat, lol. At least those are things that can be solved, like marriage, relationships, new jobs, etc. Death doesn't get beaten by anyone. Maybe that's the source of my anxiety, there's simply no good answer or way out. I just have to live with the uneasy feeling as best as I can.