Until today I hadn't had a panic attack in a few weeks.

Walking to meet my friends who I walk with to school, for me, doesn't usually raise my anxiety levels that much as I know I will soon be with people I am somewhat comfortable around. However today, my friend (not that I am blaming her for the chemicals in my brain), asked me if she should meet me at our school. I was running slightly late and my anxiety level was gradually beginning to rise. Her question tipped my scale instantly. I became very, very defensive and began being a douche bag to her. The combination of my raised anxiety and, I think, anger got the better of me and as I turned the corner, my eyes fell on a group of 13 - 14 year old girls.

Almost instantly, I froze. I believed each member of the group was going to hurt me if I approached them. I then began to panic, resulting in all of the girls stopping their conversations to stare at me; only worsening my state more. I began to frantically text my mum, begging her to come and get me. I began to walk home but found it difficult. I then sat on a curb and waited for my mum. I sat there in hysterics, fearing for my life, and the people who passed me by stared and whispered; raising my anxiety levels even more.

Eventually, my mum got to me and took me home - I calmed down. However, now I am absolutely terrified to leave my house tomorrow morning. I keep asking myself: What if I have another panic attack? What if people think I'm an attention seeker? What if my mum and/or the teachers think I'm "putting it on"? What if..? What if..? What if..? And, honestly, it's overwhelming.

I'm sorry for just venting. I needed to just let it out.