Searching for anything good...(sigh)

[Dahila]

Yeah go ahead and plan it, do not put attention on people who do not make an effort. They are not worth the time and the pain, have a good day people

[Enduronman]

I guess Ch that it is true that some of us learn lessons the hard way. (Growing up in families devoid of love and affection simply has devastating long term effects.) Case in point, I am now (rediculously sensitive) the feeling of being unappreciated or taken for granted. That was seriously part of the reason why my first marriage failed. I suppose I have been so desperate for love, acknowledgement and appreciation that I sometimes (find it difficult to see the world through another's eyes.)

(I am probably the most unselfish and giving person out there.) Yesterday I got seriously annoyed with my husband because he failed to acknowledge my efforts in a trying day we had with his mother. She has alzhimers disease and the world is slipping away from her. I am the one who deals with everything for her. I drive her around to doctor appointments, do her laundry, shop for her, deal with the various agencies who see her on a daily basis while she is still in her own home, go tour the various nursing homes that she may be placed in, deal with all her bills, banking and all the various legalities regarding her power of attorney, the list seems endless. (For all that all I expected was a "thank you" for dealing with his mom. I didn't get it, and immediately felt unappreciated.) To his credit, he often does thank me for all I do for her.

I once spoke of this to a friend and was told " well that's what families do, they love eachother and take care of their own". Well it's a lovely sentiment but when you (grow up in a family devoid of affection and nurturing from a mother, it is a difficult concept to wrap your brain around.)

Ok, I'm babbling now....

Ch, you did a wonderful thing suggesting that you have a family dinner to celebrate your sons birthday. Go ahead with your plans, even if your mom chooses not to be a part of it. And don't fool yourself, it is a choice she has made.

I wish your son a very happy 16th birthday! So hide the keys to your car cause you know that's next! Lol

Cheers my friend, here's to a day where we both find reasons to smile!

Pam

Very wise words friend. I can empathize with most all of that except for the position that you're in and caring for your Mother in law, that has got to be extremely tough and hard on you. I truly admire your effort, patience, sympathy, compassion in every regard. Babbling is good Pam, babble all you want. I do, and it helps me to think things through in ways that I generally wouldn't. Plus, there are very helpful people here as well. It all just seems to make more sense, easier to understand. In a world filled with difficulty and misunderstandings nearly everywhere we turn.

Today, I decided to spend my day in my room. Away from the person that makes me feel like I will never be cheerful again. After yesterdays emotional vomit and meltdown, I now know why my sister would never come out of her room when she was here either. I learned so so much about my parent. It still gives her no excuse or reasons or permissions to treat people as she does, behaves as she does. There is so much more I could say, but I won't. I will just sit here and enjoy some actual peace, quiet, and less anxiety too. Hell I even laid here and laughed for a minute, amused myself by sending my Dad and daughter some stupid texts about being in this prison complete with all amenities. It could always be worse I suppose.

Thank you for the birthday wishes too friend!

Hopes we can find reasons to smile soon!! YAY!!!

E-Man

[Enduronman]

Yeah go ahead and plan it, do not put attention on people who do not make an effort. They are not worth the time and the pain, have a good day people

You got that right Dahl!
You have a good day as well friend.

E-Man

[Enduronman]

Going to make this day a good day, I have hope for that anyway.
Will be picking up my son in an hour or so, and then looking at a potential house to live in, besides here! LOL!!
I am trying to keep my anxiety levels down by avoiding certain anxiety triggers. Anxiety still found its way into my room but I managed it with positive thoughts.
Gotta get ready to go now, wishing you all a great day!
Blessings.

E-Man

[Enduronman]

grrrrr..
He's going to be late, because his Mother is always late.
Thank God for cell phones! I would have been sitting there for awhile.
He just crossed the bridge in Louisville. 120 miles to go! LMAO!!
NOT going to let it bother me, its just how she is and always was. She has her own time, at her own pace, that was NEVER in sync with anything or anyone else. BAAHA!!
We couldn't even make it next door for Christmas dinner by 6pm, with all day to prepare...such great times.
Hopes for an awesome day! YAY!!

E-Man.

[needtogetwell]

Ok Mr. Grrrr, yes it sucks that he is going to be late but at least he is still on his way. Positive my friend, stay positive.!

This day has the potential to be a sore cheek day from all the smiling and laughing you are going to do!

Not only are you going to see your boy, you could very well find a new place to live! When you go to see the house, look for all the reasons it would work, rather than why it won't. I'm not telling you to accept something which isn't suitable, I'm just asking you look for the good, even if it isn't your dream home. As far as I'm concerned, as long as it meets the basic requirements, it's the people in the home that makes it the dream!

Enjoy your day my friend, and let us know how it goes!

Keeping my fingers crossed for you!
Cheers!
Pam

[Enduronman]

Ok Mr. Grrrr, yes it sucks that he is going to be late but at least he is still on his way. Positive my friend, stay positive.!

This day has the potential to be a sore cheek day from all the smiling and laughing you are going to do!

Not only are you going to see your boy, you could very well find a new place to live! When you go to see the house, look for all the reasons it would work, rather than why it won't. I'm not telling you to accept something which isn't suitable, I'm just asking you look for the good, even if it isn't your dream home. As far as I'm concerned, as long as it meets the basic requirements, it's the people in the home that makes it the dream!

Enjoy your day my friend, and let us know how it goes!

Keeping my fingers crossed for you!
Cheers!
Pam

Yes, Mr. Grrrrr..I did finally get my boy and we did go and look at that house too. It had 3 tiny bedrooms, a giant full bath off of the dining room (weird), no storm windows (built in 1895), a small living room, a 50's style kitchen (which my gf actually liked), and I looked at it with a positive eye too! It just won't work for us. It's also in the flood plane, across from a cemetery so when you're doing dishes you're looking at grave stones, and had a giant yard for which I can't mow at the moment and she hates yard work too. All in all, considering all these variables and also the $150K price tag, high taxes, high insurance, it was not the best fit for her, I, and potentially 5 kids at any one time. NOTTA!!! Just have to keep looking, searching, viewing different places. There are other options available for us, we'll just have to be patient which is something that we both struggle with.

I am doing my best to enjoy the day otherwise. Visiting with all 3 of my kids, and my Dad too. A nice, relaxing, break from the mess and mayhem I usually live in. My son asked me what we're going to do tomorrow? I said well, considering I walk around like I'm a zombie from The Walking Dead show, probably nothing. I'm sore as all hell just from driving a damn car around all day. Taking handfuls of pills to control it, yet they don't make me feel "good". I feel like shit. My doc is on vacation this week so I will be going back again next week to discuss all this with her, again. Always sore, always tired, always feel like a piece of shit but taking everything that they say to help me. It isn't working very well.

Also go back to the Psych again on Monday too. The first two visits have just been filled with questions about me, my life, my illnesses, aches, pains, thoughts, issues, and I haven't been offered any real useful advice or suggestions yet other than him saying that I need to be on an anti-depressant. I will discuss that issue with the doc when she returns. Maybe just try some Prozac again as it did seem to be helpful but that was years ago. I just don't know what to do at this point. I've got every other medication on the market, besides AD's. (sigh)...

Other than all that, doing ok. Sitting here with my kids and Dad. It is definitely a different world when I am around them...much needed, much appreciated, much fulfillment, the best things in life are my kids even if they aren't doing everything right, according to someone else's view. I still love them anyway.

Have a great day Pam! Wishing you the best friend.

E-Man

[Im-Suffering]

Yes, Mr. Grrrrr..I did finally get my boy and we did go and look at that house too. It had 3 tiny bedrooms, a giant full bath off of the dining room (weird), no storm windows (built in 1895), a small living room, a 50's style kitchen (which my gf actually liked), and I looked at it with a positive eye too! It just won't work for us. It's also in the flood plane, across from a cemetery so when you're doing dishes you're looking at grave stones, and had a giant yard for which I can't mow at the moment and she hates yard work too. All in all, considering all these variables and also the $150K price tag, high taxes, high insurance, it was not the best fit for her, I, and potentially 5 kids at any one time. NOTTA!!! Just have to keep looking, searching, viewing different places. There are other options available for us, we'll just have to be patient which is something that we both struggle with.

I am doing my best to enjoy the day otherwise. Visiting with all 3 of my kids, and my Dad too. A nice, relaxing, break from the mess and mayhem I usually live in. My son asked me what we're going to do tomorrow? I said well, considering I walk around like I'm a zombie from The Walking Dead show, probably nothing. I'm sore as all hell just from driving a damn car around all day. Taking handfuls of pills to control it, yet they don't make me feel "good". I feel like shit. My doc is on vacation this week so I will be going back again next week to discuss all this with her, again. Always sore, always tired, always feel like a piece of shit but taking everything that they say to help me. It isn't working very well.

Also go back to the Psych again on Monday too. The first two visits have just been filled with questions about me, my life, my illnesses, aches, pains, thoughts, issues, and I haven't been offered any real useful advice or suggestions yet other than him saying that I need to be on an anti-depressant. I will discuss that issue with the doc when she returns. Maybe just try some Prozac again as it did seem to be helpful but that was years ago. I just don't know what to do at this point. I've got every other medication on the market, besides AD's. (sigh)...

Other than all that, doing ok. Sitting here with my kids and Dad. It is definitely a different world when I am around them...much needed, much appreciated, much fulfillment, the best things in life are my kids even if they aren't doing everything right, according to someone else's view. I still love them anyway.

Have a great day Pam! Wishing you the best friend.

E-Man

Why don't you buy new construction. Symbolic of your new life together, a new start. Pick your floorplan, paint, cabinets, appliances, everything together. Someplace with a new history waiting to be made, as a family. Its part of putting the past behind you, and it would give you much needed vitality, and a new exciting outlook.

Move in with new furniture, pick it together. This probable choice of action will help speed up your case and get you your monies quickly because it would give you the impetus and need for a firm decision to quit the drama and get it settled. You would simply need the money, thus it would come. You would put the mom-drama behind you because that doesn't fit with the new plans. New plans, new blueprint, new construction, new furniture, new outlook, new money, new body, new feelings, new outlook, new life....

Lift your esteem up (artificially at first), until its sufficiently high enough where everyone around you sees you differently, literally. The main problem is you have not yet in any case or any issue made a firm decision. Decisions begin to form reality immediately in accord with the state of mind. The problem is, you have forgotten how to make decisions. Let me remind you of times in life you just up and went or took action regardless of any critique or any one, you acted at once and burned every bridge behind you even if that course was into the unknown and safety was not guaranteed. Either you act on your decision or you perish. That is a decision. Decide enough is enough

There are several decisions to make, each of you know instinctively what you need to do. The natural offshoots of indecision are fear, worry, doubt.

Period.

[Enduronman]

Why don't you buy new construction. Symbolic of your new life together, a new start. Pick your floorplan, paint, cabinets, appliances, everything together. Someplace with a new history waiting to be made, as a family. Its part of putting the past behind you, and it would give you much needed vitality, and a new exciting outlook.

Move in with new furniture, pick it together. This probable choice of action will help speed up your case and get you your monies quickly because it would give you the impetus and need for a firm decision to quit the drama and get it settled. You would simply need the money, thus it would come. You would put the mom-drama behind you because that doesn't fit with the new plans. New plans, new blueprint, new construction, new furniture, new outlook, new money, new body, new feelings, new outlook, new life....

Lift your esteem up (artificially at first), until its sufficiently high enough where everyone around you sees you differently, literally. The main problem is you have not yet in any case or any issue made a firm decision. Decisions begin to form reality immediately in accord with the state of mind. The problem is, you have forgotten how to make decisions. Let me remind you of times in life you just up and went or took action regardless of any critique or any one, you acted at once and burned every bridge behind you. Either you act on your decision or you perish. That is a decision. Decide enough is enough

Period.

I would love to look at new construction but I believe my gf is dead set on having an old inefficient house. There is some over there already done, 5 bdrms, 3 baths, and in her price range too. Not real sure how to convince her otherwise but I will try anyway. I just have a real problem with her or I having to write hefty checks to the utility companies. It makes no sense to me, when there is a better alternative. Newer construction! YAY!!!

Yes, need to put this bullshit mom-drama behind me ASAP. When we got here, she was talking on the phone to someone about her tough childhood and made a remark that I thought she had it made. She is extremely disturbed. I am avoiding her. My son is talking to her now. I hope that she doesn't corrupt his mind with her bullshit. She is damaged. At least that's what my Dad told me today. Upset with him, her other X, and everyone else in the world too that crosses her path. It will be a blessing to get out of this place! New everything! She is essentially just an anchor at the moment. Gotta cut the line!

Working to lift my esteem. Yes, there were many time that I just up, went, and took action. I am ready!

Thank you friend. Very kind of you.

E-Man

[Dahila]

Older house have a charm, but with the winter very cold the price of heat is enormous, the A/C takes so much away. I am fun of newer houses also. 100 years house: must take all the walls off, redo the instalation, put a new isolation on and .....put the walls coaking, paint ..............
100 years old house in Europe is a decent house, but it was not build with wood and paper like the ones we live.. I do not complain though, i like when my wall is warm instead of brick cold
Older houses are very expensive to take care off. What is happening with your mom is very sad, very sad indeed. Keep strong my friend,