Will I have this for the rest of my life?

[Beachgirl]

I don't think that's going to happen. Although I have lately been OKAY lately from an anxiety disorder point of view, life continues to get the better of me. And it's not like recovery from the worst of anxiety disorder has magically given me the skills I need to deal with my ongoing personal problems.

I'm encouraged that your anxiety probs are better recently. I'm sorry to hear that other aspects of your life are not doing as well. As you could probably guess I really like Links advice and I am rooting for you. You are a great guy and deserve all life has to offer

[Beachgirl]

Keep working at slowly stretching your comfort zone, one bit at a time. At the same time, work on your mindset, do whatever you can to train your brain to think in a certain way. Be persistant and it will become habit. If you continue to take action, you can overcome social anxiety and depression. I use to have severe social anxiety for 16 years... not anymore. I also had depression.

Wow 16-years that's awesome!!! I have experienced a similar recovery over the last several years but nice to hear you have been feeling better for that long using similar means. Thanks for sharing and welcome here

[Robbed]

You are a great guy and deserve all life has to offer

I'm just curious. Why do you say that I am a 'great guy' and deserve 'all life has to offer'? I just don't feel this way about myself. And regardless of how hard I try, I CAN'T. Are you just able to say this about me because you are an outsider who will probably never meet me (and can therefore say whatever you want, regardless of whether it is true)? Or is there something that I am just not capable of seeing about myself? Trying to see myself as a worthwhile human being is something I have struggled with literally for DECADES. Trying to see myself as a person who others find desirable is even HARDER for me. Sometimes (wait, make that pretty much always), I look at this last bit as an unwinnable war. Lasting peace in the Middle East seems EASY in comparison.

[jimmy2shoes]

Robbed, there is a reason for your self doubt, and low self esteem. From my understanding of you, you are a thinker. Most anxiety sufferers are 'thinkers' by which I mean we question the functionings of the world - why something is so, how it came to that point and what this means to us.
But just because you are a thinker, it doesn't mean we can solve our problems through thinking alone. Often, our own thinking is tainted with irrationalities - insecurities, that have embedded themselves over an extender period of time (years and years).
For example, I dont know you very well, but i know you want to be a good person, and you THINK you are a good person, but this good nature of yours has not been validated in the way that you are satisfied. By this I mean, when another post calls you a good person, and you deserve a good life, you as a thinker - naturally question the evidence that she has to call you a good person. And, considering the limited availibity of your personality, and her/his lack of understanding of 'you', you disregard the comment, and become frustrated with the functionings of the world, and inturn yourself.
I think you fail to recognize that this person, who visits these forums regularly, has the choice to say you are a good person or your not - a personal opinion that she has about someone she doesn't know. But she knows enough of you to share her opinion, which considering the circumstances is a positive thing, rather than a negative thing about who you are. And no, it is unlikely that you will build your self-worth (which seems to be the main issue) through a forum, but by all means it is a very good start. We have no reason to hide or deceive who we are on these forums.
Generally speaking our confidence revolves around experiences - from when we are a child to our adult life. These experience either reinforce or contradict the beliefs we have about ourself and the world. It is more often than not, that negative experiences reinforce the negative beliefs - and create a bias toward future experiences. For example, a mother/father that never appreciates or acknowledges their childs successes, or fails to show enough love, will leave the child feeling 'worthless.' The child grows up, finding difficulty to connect with people, and differences are illuminated - reinforcing that they are not a worthy friend, or part of the society that they live in.
However - the reality, is that they are just like everyone else, with different tastes in clothes, music, and other trivial things. Self worth is almost a skill, just like positive thinking. It is unfortunate that 90% of the average persons self-worth revolves around external reception - e.g Whether this persons likes me or not, whether this person thinks im a good person, am I accepted here.
Because humans NEED validation of their good qualities - you can imagine why low self esteem is so common amongst the entire population. Not everyone is always validated, and hence their beliefs remain negative.
Sooner or later, you will have to recognize that you are who you are, and you have a choice to TRY be a good person, or not. If you are ok with NOT trying, then so be it. However, I do not believe this is your case. You are here, giving advice to anxiety rookies, helping out those are suffering.
I think that as long as you are trying, just one good deed a day, then you should really give yourself a pat on the back. Because I think a scary amount of people in this world ARNT trying to be good people - and these people are the ones JUDGING you, despite their lack of effort to improve themselves as a human being. And, with bad belief systems, the low self worth is again - reinforced - by a group of people who have no right to do such a thing.
I think you should see someone to talk to if you don't already - because your belief systems are somewhat irrational or blown out of proportion. We are thinkers, however our past experiences define the attidudes we have. and our attitudes are what determine our thoughts. You cannot change thoughts without a change in attitude.
I just think this is something worth thinking about. I hope some of this helps you.
Cheers

[Robbed]

I think you should see someone to talk to if you don't already - because your belief systems are somewhat irrational or blown out of proportion.

By 'seeing someone to talk to', do you by chance mean seeing a therapist? Actually, I've been there and done that. And let me just say that I felt rather underwhelmed with the whole experience. It left me with ANYTHING BUT increased confidence and a feeling of empowerment. Not to mention a drained wallet. Yes, there may be some good therapists out there. But how long would it take me to find that person? Not to mention that I REALLY don't have that kind of money.

[Beachgirl]

I'm just curious. Why do you say that I am a 'great guy' and deserve 'all life has to offer'? I just don't feel this way about myself. And regardless of how hard I try, I CAN'T. Are you just able to say this about me because you are an outsider who will probably never meet me (and can therefore say whatever you want, regardless of whether it is true)? Or is there something that I am just not capable of seeing about myself? Trying to see myself as a worthwhile human being is something I have struggled with literally for DECADES. Trying to see myself as a person who others find desirable is even HARDER for me. Sometimes (wait, make that pretty much always), I look at this last bit as an unwinnable war. Lasting peace in the Middle East seems EASY in comparison.

Robbed I really like all that jimmy had to say i his reply to you... and I totally can relate to wasting money on bad therapists as I've been there too. I really wish you could find a good cbt program at a local university in your area as they often offer them for reduced fee or even free as part of their research. I think you make a similar mistake I used to make that made me miserable.... That being that you minimize all your accomplishments like you are looking through them from the wrong end of the binoculars and you blow up all your faults and failures and look at them through the right end of the binoculars. It's a bad habit that can be broken. I heard a great quote quote the other day "life if 10% what happens and 90% how you react to it." That is why there are so many poor or struggling people who are content and so many rich and famous people who are miserable.
I suspect you treat your friends a lot better then you treat yourself and that's a shame if true. I think you have a lot to offer and really do believe you can be happy and fulfilled.

Having said that let me reply directly to the meat of what you were asking me. I admit the odds of us ever meeting in person are remote, but we have exchanged notes here (some on a pretty personal level) and through those notes I have grown to like you Like jimmy said most people do not even try very hard to be worthwhile human beings and just your efforts here show you to be a caring human being who wants to not only improve yourself but help others as well. Those are both admirable qualities.
Jimmy wrote you a really thoughtful and caring reply and you focussed your reply on just one small portion of it. I want you to spend more time on the parts that are half full and less on the half empty parts and I think you will feel better and more encouraged.

I hope some of this helps. You REALLY DO COME ACROSS WELL HERE and look at my posts history and I doubt you'll find me complimenting people without good reason. I wish I could give you a shot of confidence because once you start believing in yourself you will be a great catch for some lucky girl

[Beachgirl]

Robbed,

Check your inbox

[bigcat1967]

You will have this the rest of your life - you basically have to face your fears. Keep on expanding outside your comfort zone.

[Beachgirl]

You will have this the rest of your life - you basically have to face your fears. Keep on expanding outside your comfort zone.

Excellent post bigcat

[squirt]

Nadia read the CBT book called "Been there, Done that? DO This!" by sam obitz (www.tao3.com). It was written by a guy that suffered through anxiety and panic for many years before finding a cure with CBT. It is a short book and very encouraging. You can get over this and on with your life! It has helped me immensely and I still use the TEA form exercise from that book for a few minutes each day. Hang in there

Great advice as the TEA forms are what worked for me as well.

I really need to work on my math skills though as I had to think to answer the spam guard question correctly on this one LOL.