Last edited by Robbed; 02-04-2011 at 05:09 PM.
Robbed, there is a reason for your self doubt, and low self esteem. From my understanding of you, you are a thinker. Most anxiety sufferers are 'thinkers' by which I mean we question the functionings of the world - why something is so, how it came to that point and what this means to us.
But just because you are a thinker, it doesn't mean we can solve our problems through thinking alone. Often, our own thinking is tainted with irrationalities - insecurities, that have embedded themselves over an extender period of time (years and years).
For example, I dont know you very well, but i know you want to be a good person, and you THINK you are a good person, but this good nature of yours has not been validated in the way that you are satisfied. By this I mean, when another post calls you a good person, and you deserve a good life, you as a thinker - naturally question the evidence that she has to call you a good person. And, considering the limited availibity of your personality, and her/his lack of understanding of 'you', you disregard the comment, and become frustrated with the functionings of the world, and inturn yourself.
I think you fail to recognize that this person, who visits these forums regularly, has the choice to say you are a good person or your not - a personal opinion that she has about someone she doesn't know. But she knows enough of you to share her opinion, which considering the circumstances is a positive thing, rather than a negative thing about who you are. And no, it is unlikely that you will build your self-worth (which seems to be the main issue) through a forum, but by all means it is a very good start. We have no reason to hide or deceive who we are on these forums.
Generally speaking our confidence revolves around experiences - from when we are a child to our adult life. These experience either reinforce or contradict the beliefs we have about ourself and the world. It is more often than not, that negative experiences reinforce the negative beliefs - and create a bias toward future experiences. For example, a mother/father that never appreciates or acknowledges their childs successes, or fails to show enough love, will leave the child feeling 'worthless.' The child grows up, finding difficulty to connect with people, and differences are illuminated - reinforcing that they are not a worthy friend, or part of the society that they live in.
However - the reality, is that they are just like everyone else, with different tastes in clothes, music, and other trivial things. Self worth is almost a skill, just like positive thinking. It is unfortunate that 90% of the average persons self-worth revolves around external reception - e.g Whether this persons likes me or not, whether this person thinks im a good person, am I accepted here.
Because humans NEED validation of their good qualities - you can imagine why low self esteem is so common amongst the entire population. Not everyone is always validated, and hence their beliefs remain negative.
Sooner or later, you will have to recognize that you are who you are, and you have a choice to TRY be a good person, or not. If you are ok with NOT trying, then so be it. However, I do not believe this is your case. You are here, giving advice to anxiety rookies, helping out those are suffering.
I think that as long as you are trying, just one good deed a day, then you should really give yourself a pat on the back. Because I think a scary amount of people in this world ARNT trying to be good people - and these people are the ones JUDGING you, despite their lack of effort to improve themselves as a human being. And, with bad belief systems, the low self worth is again - reinforced - by a group of people who have no right to do such a thing.
I think you should see someone to talk to if you don't already - because your belief systems are somewhat irrational or blown out of proportion. We are thinkers, however our past experiences define the attidudes we have. and our attitudes are what determine our thoughts. You cannot change thoughts without a change in attitude.
I just think this is something worth thinking about. I hope some of this helps you.
I suspect you treat your friends a lot better then you treat yourself and that's a shame if true. I think you have a lot to offer and really do believe you can be happy and fulfilled.
Having said that let me reply directly to the meat of what you were asking me. I admit the odds of us ever meeting in person are remote, but we have exchanged notes here (some on a pretty personal level) and through those notes I have grown to like you Like jimmy said most people do not even try very hard to be worthwhile human beings and just your efforts here show you to be a caring human being who wants to not only improve yourself but help others as well. Those are both admirable qualities.
Jimmy wrote you a really thoughtful and caring reply and you focussed your reply on just one small portion of it. I want you to spend more time on the parts that are half full and less on the half empty parts and I think you will feel better and more encouraged.
I hope some of this helps. You REALLY DO COME ACROSS WELL HERE and look at my posts history and I doubt you'll find me complimenting people without good reason. I wish I could give you a shot of confidence because once you start believing in yourself you will be a great catch for some lucky girl
Last edited by Beachgirl; 02-05-2011 at 10:49 PM.
Check your inbox
You will have this the rest of your life - you basically have to face your fears. Keep on expanding outside your comfort zone.