It's been awhile since I was last here. I thought I'd sign in for abit to see what's been going on. Hey newbies, hey veterans. Still waiting on some sort of medal for being able to deal with all this intense pressure, but it's just usually more added intesified pressures instead. I say WTF alot, for sure.

I've read through some of the posts. They are all generally something that I had seen or read before. Even though we're all unique, and one of a kind, the symptoms are quite common. Everybody has anxiety, it's there for a reason. The problem is when anxiety, has you. Extremely tough to deal with at times. Most definately and assuredly. Been there, done that. It can be exhausting.

Sometimes I think that the best way to even attempt to overcome this mental health issue, is to realize that there are countless others out here in the world that are having a hard time too, just in varying degrees of a hard time. Different levels of "stress". Just when I think it can't get any worse and maybe things are working out, something else happens tougher than the other last issue at hand. It's a cycle. I just wish I could figure out the exact patterns, I can't. I'm still searching for something good daily, trust me. It's elusive. But, I still have to try.

Just for perspective, here's some of my own problems, if they aren't to tough to read through. Maybe, you'll read them and the words will impact you in a way that makes you think to yourself for a minute about your own struggles and how they affect you. I'll try to keep is as short as possible. Goodluck!

1. Disease. I have one. Rare. Deadly. Destroyed my entire life, took everything I owned, left me with nothing other than this disturbed mind. Hilarious.
2. Mental health disorders. All of them. Lucky me.
3. Disability. All of my joints are damaged. They hurt everyday. Relentless.
4. Uncontrolled limb movements. Episodes of ataxia. It looks like I have cerebral palsy at times, but I don't.
5. Further tests. They're still searching for this disease, but there is no test designed to find it available. Vial, after vial. I have an MRI coming up on December 9th, my birthday. Another needle stuck in my spine. For contrast of course. Happy Birthday!
6. Shots. One in my leg every 3rd day, one in my ass every Tuesday.
7. My oldest daughter just had her second son, I didn't get to meet him nor will I ever. She put him up for adoption. She's a drug addict. His name was Camden. 8 weeks in a NICU. 7lb baby drug addict. Holes in his heart. Possible brain damage.
8. The State forced her to give her first son away to a relative, he's 3. He got into her pills and went to the ER. He survived.
9. My youngest daughter got caught with weed in October. A huge mess. She quit smoking weed though, and started smoking meth instead.
10. It's the Holidays, and I'm a tiny bit stressed. I will be getting back on xanax tomorrow, after one year without it. I have no choice, that's what it's for.

So, to me, it seems abit hard to find something good here but I do still have hope and that's really all we have anyway.

Look for positives, they are out there and maybe they're already right in front of you anyway if you'd just really open your eyes.

Happy Holidays!

E-Man..