Trying to figure out my problems

[nymarc4781]

Hello, im 15 years old. kinda a longish story, When i went to middle school, i think my problem was i used to be a little shy so i never really talked much during class with a lot of other kids. Well, that wasnt really much of a problem, it seemed kinda normal at the time. Anyway, so i didnt really make much friends during middle school though i did have a group that i used to hang out with and talk to.

Now, im here at my second year of high school. The first year, i still talked with some of my friends but i noticed that my talking during class seemed to decrease a lot. Most other kids usually talked a lot during discutions about certain things, i never really made the effort to join in. I just kinda sat there waiting for the classes to end. So, time went by that year and i didnt make any new friends, i just iscolated myself even more.

Now, in my second year of hs, i notice im having a big problem that never used to happen. First of all, i have really no freinds or even kids that i talk to or hang out with during my frees. I have became totally iscolated. I am starting to try and open up more because i dont like being completely alone and it shouldnt be that way. Problem is whenever i want to say something outloud, my heart rate goes up, i begin sweating and i have to keep repeating the thing i want to say in my head before i say it to make sure it sounds right. Whenever i am forced to talk out loud to a class, i notice my voice gets really low and weak and like im struggling to get a word out. I have been noticing this a lot lately and im trying to handle it before it gets worse.

Im a completely normal person at home and talk normally and can even be funny sometimes, i just cant act the same way around other people, no matter how hard i seem to try. The more i try, the more pressure i feel so i just then do nothing

[nymarc4781]

Well i have so much more to say so i might as well just go into more:

1) When im around a table with people other then my direct family, i cant talk. I just sit there usually and listen to all of them go on about conversations that i should be able to join in if i just focus and think of something to say and just say it without hesitation. And what really drives me crazy is after incidents like that, my mother gets angry at me and tells me talk start talking more. When i tried telling her and my dad what happens to me, they just say that i zone out because i dont want to be there and all i want to do is to be at home on a computer and then they get annoyed when they think that. This causes me to get some seriously bad thoughts in my head of how much i hate them and everything else (but thats a whole other story)

2) My whole life (except when im forced to go out) is computer and videogames. This may sound ridiculous but i get so intensly into them a lot of times. I sit there playing, if something happens in the game that causes a little frustration, i begin to get angry. If i keep losing, i just get more and more angry and frustrated. Its not long that i find myself screaming and cursing, banging the moniter screen, hitting on my key board. Next thing i know, im running around the room in tears hitting into everything. During this time, i have much more in my head then losing a video game. All my problems just dawn on me and i start hating everything in my life. This may sound completely ridiculous but its true. I have been trying for the longest time to figure out why that happens.

IF there is anyone out there that can give me some advice on this unique problem i have, i would really appreciate it. Its something that i just cannot control even when i try.

[slippery when wet]

Hi nymarc,


give me some advice on this unique problem i have

I'm in no position to give you advice but from what my doctor said many people suffer from this and it is NOT unique.

I have similar to you and I'm almost 30 years older then you. I've just seen a doctor about it after all this time as I've lived with it since about your age.

Get it sorted out while you are still so young. My advice is to do something as soon as you feel you can.

SWW

[Littlebobo]

Hey there,

You are not on you're own with this i am a few years older than you and i was similar to you when i was at school and always felt like i was pushed into doing things by my parents i ended up dropping out of college it got so bad, take Slippery when wet's advice and do something about it know even if you dont tell your parents try booking an appointment with your doctor, they will be able to help you.

[scatmantom]

yea i agree try and get help....and there is plenty help out there!

[soshy]

Hi Nymarc - I'm so glad you found this forum. As the other people have said, this is not a unique problem. I have it. I'm twice your age and some more. When I was your age it did seem unique. I was having anxiety all the time and panic attacks if I was around people and trying to speak. As you mentioned, a racing heart, sweating and going over a statement in your head before speaking and your voice lowering are some of the red flags of social anxiety.

People with social phobia do seem unique. I just wanted it to stop and to be calm and comfortable around people and be NORMAL! Back then not much was mentioned about social phobia. Now, there is help for it and there is more public awareness of this condition. It's a horrible thing to have. It can be so difficult to explain to people. Back when I was your age, they just categorized me as an agoraphobic. Yes I had panic attacks but what triggered me was socializing or the thought of it and why was this happening, and no one seemed to have an answer - that was even more scary.

You sound very intelligent ;) . When I read your story, I cried. Especially about your parents being clueless to what is actually happening to you :x . Your mother getting mad at you for being quiet and your father thinking you're just zoning out cause you're bored or something, and here you are having anxiety and I KNOW YOU ARE TRYING TO PARTICIPATE!!! But it is literally impossible when you're panicking. You are not doing anything wrong. It is normal to feel extremely uneasy to talk/hang around family, friends or new people for people who suffer from social phobia.

I was so bad it got to the point where I couldn't go to school and it seemed like everyone, especially my family, was either angry with me or thought I was weird or stuckup because I didn't want to go anywhere. I stayed home too. All I wanted was the anxiety to stop.
Well, it finally did. I went to a psychiatrist who specialized in panic disorder and was assigned a therapist who specialized in cognitive-behavioral therapy and finally someone understood what I was going through without me having to explain it to them!

I know you are scared, confused and angry. You have every right to be. First thing, stop beating yourself up for being scared! You are not doing this to yourself on purpose. Who would want this? So tell yourself that you are ok, and you are going to be ok. You can over come this and I'm not just saying that. I was a person who wore most of her hair over the front of her face - thank god it was the eighties! - and now since I sought treatment, I can socialize and enjoy it and look forward to it! Sometimes I can't shut up :D !

I would highly suggest telling your parents you need help, and that you need to see a doctor. It might be easier if you can get your parents to read up on social phobia and panic attacks. Maybe print out some literature from these web sites or others and give it to your parents so they can see this is not an "attitude problem" but a severe condition that can be helped.

SocialAnxietyDisorder.NET (from the creator of AnxietyForum)
http://www.socialanxietydisorder.net/

Wikipedia - Social Anxiety:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_anxiety

AAFP - Social Anxiety Disorder:
http://www.aafp.org/afp/991115ap/2311.html

I'm sorry I went on and on. I just don't want what happened to me to happen to you - suffering from social phobia and not getting the help I needed soon enough.

Let me know how things are going and take it easy :) ,

soshy

[nymarc4781]

Thank you so much for replying soshy, and everyone else. I am very happy i finally decided to research social problems and found a forum like this. that really does make me feel better about this situation. Right now, it isnt too severe but what worries me is it has seemed to get a lot worse through the last two years of highschool. I went from being just a nice, shy kid to a really angry person that never says anything during school.

Im still not sure if im ready to tell my parents about this. I know my mother, she would freak out if i told her what i think. Before i tell them, im at least gonna talk to my sister and maybe some close friends i have. The Only reason im not going to look for help right away is because ever since i found out i had this problem, i seemed to have been doing a little better. I am making an effort to talk more to people in school. Now that i finally understand, i might be able to overcome it.

Well, do u think that it is possible to overcome this without seeing a doctor or taking any pills? If you push yourself to start talking more, would the fear eventually decrease at least a little bit?

[soshy]

I'm glad you're feeling better, nymark. I think you're already in the right direction. That sounds like a good idea to talk to your sister and some close friends. You do need positive support. I think it may be possible to overcome this without docs and meds. For me, no. I was too far gone.

What you're doing right now sounds very good; and if you keep progressing and the anxiety decreases then things should be fine. Positive self-talk is very powerful and don't put a lot of pressure on yourself. It's good to nudge yourself to try socializing more, but don't shove! The more you ease yourself into social situations, you start to desensitize the fear. Baby steps!

If trying to do this on your own gets too hard then see a doctor; maybe bring your sister or a friend. I understand about your mom freaking out.

I'm really proud of you ;) . You've made progress already. I'm so happy you are educating yourself on social anxiety. That's how we get better. You're going to be ok either way, and you have an advantage - you are very smart :!:

Take care and let us know how your doing.

*Hugs*

soshy