anxiety has returned

[djg725]

This is my first day on this forum, i have been having a really rough week and just reading other peoples posts has made me feel a little better already.
I have had anxiety/obsessive thoughts come and go now for some 6 years. It all started in 2002, in a criminal justice class when we were on the subject of serial killers. This lead me to the thinking of the irrational thoughts of "what if i become a serial killer" or "what if i hurt someone", which had an immediate impact of mass panic and anxiety. And than this lead to worrying about health problems, thinking i was crazy, and anything you could ever imagine felt like it was running through my mind. I went to see a psychiatrist and a psychologist. They put me on Zoloft and i did a little so-called therapy (which was pretty much me talking to the psychologist). After time, I thought my anxiety had diminshed for the most part with little relapses that come and go fast.
It's now 5 years later. And i feel like i am falling back into anxiety and panic full force. And the weird thing is is that it seems to happen at the same time every year. But this year it's worse. First of all, i have started my first career job out of college, which was very exciting for me and my friends. Also, i have met a girl of whom i love so much and have never felt that way about anyone before. BUT my first week of work there was really nothing for me to do, so i sat in a cubical with pretty much 8 hours for me to think about and overanalyze everything. I started worrying about my realtionship with my GF. I started to think "what if she breaks up with me", "what if she meets someone else" "what if she get tired of me"?
"does she care about me as much as a i care about her" Also, i will not see her for 2 weeks because i have a bussiness trip which i will talk about later. And the thing is is that she has reassured me many of time that she is here for me and that i have nothing to worry about. I have never been an insecure person with girls and i know that i am overthinking and overanalyzing everything.
This lead me to start having anxiety about my trip i am going on tomorrow. I will be going to a small town to do inventory. I believe the thing that makes me panic the most is that i do not want to be alone. i am sure that my days will be fine when i am busy but i am more worried about the nights when i am alone. I have a hard time not being around people and friends. This seems to make my anxiety worse.
If anyone has any suggestions or similar experiences, please post/reply

thanks,

danny

[gineapigofdoom]

I have obsessive compulsive disorder, only in my thoughts. I work in a computer repair store and sometimes the days are drawn out due to no work. And with nothing to do I start thinking. I sometimes think of crazy scenarios whenever I am feeling ill or anxious, and end up scaring myself. And I can't stop thinking things are going to go wrong, leading to panic. It seems you may have what I do. This is what helped me: whenever you start to have racing thoughts such as "What if someone close to me leaves me?" or "What if I'm going crazy?" Remind yourself that having these thoughts has no hold on your life. Remind yourself how far you have come, you went to college and you have a girlfriend whom you care about. You are a very strong person, and the only one telling you otherwise is yourself. Accept the thoughts for what they are: just thoughts.

[djg725]

thanks for the reply... its good to know that there is someone out there that has the same experience. and also that has good advice.

[JoeyLowtown]

Hey you sound very like me, my friend! I have sometimes suffer from the same issues you have described. I too am deeply in love with my girlfriend, yet however much she reassures me and I know deep down I can feel her love, I sometimes worry about what if she leaves me etc. She went on a 3 week trip to egypt, I live in UK, so we could barely talk due to the astranomical cost of phone calls. I found it very hard and had major panic at times when we'd go for days without talking. No matter what I did at work or whatever I could not stop thinking of what she was doing. Also I have suffered crazed thoughts about serial killers etc or suicides when Ive read the newspaper for example. I always wondered if they started out like me. Until I read on this forum somebody saying how many prisons do you think are full of people spending sleepless nights worrying over what they've done or what they think of? I bet the evil sleep like babies! My biggest worry is a fear Dying, like I always think about death its stupid but suppose I can cure this just as easily as any other symptom!