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View Full Version : 29 years old lost in fear and depression



ratocarias
12-06-2012, 05:40 PM
Hello everyone,
after months reading several posts by the forum´s members, i finally came up with courage to write about my story dealing with generalize anxiety and depression. First of all and since english is not my main language i would like to offer my apologies for any mistakes this message might contain.

I´m 29 years old and living an extremely complicated period in my life. Well, honestly i been living my life sort of limited and detached from reality since i can remember existing. I don´t know exactly "the" why, but for some reason, and despite being born and raise in a loving environment and been given pretty much the opportunities one can get in order to grow and became a full and responsible individual, i´ve been feeling strangeness, emptiness and apathy all along the way.

There is one major issue with me that i can fully recognize: my almost complete incapacity to recognize and express my feelings, not just to others but to myself also. This comes as a result of living life, since very young, as a distant observer, locked inside my own head (controlled by demands of an imaginary ego), and letting myself gradually be separated from real life and real people.
As i said before i don´t know the why, nor remember choosing to live this way, but it happened. For all those important stages of someone´s life (preadolescence, adolescence, young adulthood) where you´re supposed to grow emotionally by taking steps toward your affirmation as a person, i end up largely skipping them due to my inability to recognize and not block what i was feeling. Don´t get me wrong, i not saying that i´m incapable of feeling but rather i´m mostly clueless about them. My current therapist says i have a problem with internalization, meaning i fail to perceive and sense the way past and present events effect me in real life and that i only allow myself to fully experience emotions within my dreams. I can give you an example:
Recollecting old memories isn´t an easy thing for me, not because i can´t remember past moments but because i can´t understand how i feel about them in present times as well how i felt when experiencing them. Again according to my therapist this is the result of an child with a fragile ego, who since early age as avoided all her feelings and sensations.
As for my psychiatrist he often asks what is it that i´m so afraid to let it out. What is this thing inside me that is eating me alive, generating so much anxiety, that i only let escape throw physical symptoms.
Learning this things as help me understand, mostly at rational level, how i´ve been behaving all this time- as an fractional living being, who knows how to respond to rational problems and learned to react according to social conventions , but completely fails to grasp the depth of it´s own feelings, being unaware of it´s desires, wishes. As a result in many levels i function as a child, easily irritable and frustrated, highly impatient and lacking sustenance to deal with adulthood demands. I got say, listening to these explanations in my sessions pretty much feels as being punch in the stomach - thats how i recognize that something very important inside me is trying to come outside but i can´t still grasp it in it´s fullness. I know that there´s something inside that i need to, let´s say release, but i´ve no idea what might be, or even how to do it.
All this separation from my inner self led to much depression and anxiety and now i feel lost, unable sometimes to recognize myself in the mirror, overwhelmed by questions as What do i want for life? What are my desires? How can i ever connect to another person at an emotional and physical level? ( i´ve never had a relationship with someone, i don´t even feel much connected intimately with my body or my sexuality.)

Not surprisingly by the end of last year i reach a point were i would rarely leave my house, or even get up from bed - i feel a constant need to protect myself, and i do it by covering underneath my sheets.
Inside my hole I came really close to give it up - i could´t live with so much sadness, fear, disappointment and self-load.
I knew i needed help and since my family wasn´t given up on me ever they intervene once more. And i like to think that still some hope inside me. Because the funny thing is i like the world. I certainly don´t blame anyone for what i´ve been gone throw. Sure there´s much suffering out there and is scary but there also so much for one to experience out there.
So for now i continue to go to my therapy sessions, with my therapist ( i need to find another psychiatrist since my current one is sick and can´t work ) and started doing yoga.
I can say i´m extremely exhausted and frustrated because i know how much work there´s still ahead of me and how much it hurts to not be able connect to my emotions. I want to shut down the voice inside me but that feels as shutting myself complete - is my normal state.

Thank you all for posting your stories online and helping me came up with the courage to do it myself. I sincerely hope the best for all of you. Let sadness lose it´s predominance to happiness and fulfillment.

SunnieDebris
12-06-2012, 07:05 PM
Hello, and welcome. I read your story twice. Your English is very good, by the way. May I pry and ask what your diagnosis is? This sounds so familiar to what my wife experiences. The detachment from your feelings and those going on around you sounds so familiar. She had a screwed up childhood that affects her to this day. She also has an anxiety disorder.

You can always find support here, even if we don't share the exact same symptoms. It sounds like you are trying hard to work through your issues, so I commend you for that. It's not easy work. I hope you find the answers that you seek.

ratocarias
12-06-2012, 07:56 PM
Hello, and thank you so much for your reply. In general my diagnosis is prolong mild depression and generalised anxiety disorder. That said one can say i´ve a low emotional development. What my therapist says is that i basically i suppress all my feelings - i avoid feeling. I´ve been doing it since a kid. In fear of pain i distance myself from reality - which basically turns someone into a shell, you lives only inside herself and detached from the real world. You feel odd as you don´t belong anywhere but after soo many years it kind feels normal and reverting the process seems almost impossible - turning down the mechanism that one as been using for all those years. It´s not easy work at all as envolves relearning how to feel, deal with and expressing them. The recommended therapies are intense analytical and cognitive therapy or psychoanalysis (this last one is brutal as it consist of 4 sessions a week ). There´s another kind of therapy gaining recognition in the field - bioenergetics - and don´t let the unfortunate name fool you. It´s a process where the patient faces constant human contact/interaction ( nothing to forward, simple and specific exercises like a hand on your shoulder, designed to create reaction on a patient) and is asked to express how he or she feels.
Hope this helped clarifying your questions. The best for you and your wife.

SunnieDebris
12-07-2012, 12:42 PM
Wow, it sounds like you are doing quite a lot of work! I thought I was doing a lot by weekly group and regular individual therapy and seeing my psychiatrist. I'm glad you found us here! I hope we can be supportive to your efforts.