03-28-2012, 11:42 PM
Well yesterday was an ok day. No attacks and slept through the night. Today is another story. I have been in "high gear" alllllll day. I can't calm myself. Not really any attacks, just high anxiety all day, kinda feel out of place and my home feels unfamiliar. I don't know whats wrong with me. I think I am losing it. I know a big part of this flaring up is my job. Up until 2 months ago I LOVED my job, then out of nowhere these unhappy ppl started to mess with me. They tell lies and try to get ppl not to like me. I feel so betrayed and my manager is no better. I swear he instagates fights. I feel so lost, uprooted. I HAVE to be working to feel ok. I just can't sit at home. I think thats why I am feeling like this. I am terrifed that I am gonna have to quit my job and I will be unemployed. I feel so far away right now, like its a dream. As the hours pass I am convincing myself I am not gonna get over it this time. I can feel the anxiety bursting out of my chest. I feel like I am gonna explode. I feel like a waste of space.
03-29-2012, 03:09 AM
You are allowed to worry and analyze your situation, but you need to compare to the other positive side of the spectrum. If all you do is constantly worry about all the negative thoughts and emotions your body will only react with anxiety or depression. You need to change your thought process. Concentrate on how to fix it or a way to find a transition to a job you will be happy at. Have confidence in yourself, remember this is what life is, it throws you hurdles... Are you going stand there or jump? Believe me, once you wake up and start making change, every difference will count and make you realize your potential.
03-29-2012, 03:31 PM
Hello NativeLady, sorry you are having a challenging time. You are not alone, there are so many people out there who feel like you do. I used to be one of them. I had times when I thought I was loosing it, going mad and literally going to explode. It will pass I promise. The key is practicing not giving energy to the neurotic / "what if"/ anxious thoughts. They are only thoughts, not even of your making (until you give them energy). They are a product of the subconscious mind, a fearful, scared part of your mind which is just trying to keep you safe from potential dangers. How do you know they are not your thoughts?? Because YOU can sit and listen to them so how can they really be yours???!! Yes they are inside you but they are not part of the real you!!! Think of it this way - what do we hold on to longer a compliment or a criticism? Im betting most people would say they hold on to a criticism longer yes? Well, if you had the choice, which would you hold onto? A compliment, right, as it feels better?! But we dont, we get consumed by the criticism!! Why???? Because WE are NOT choosing!!!! Its our conditioned minds that are choosing!!! The way we have been influenced our whole lives by our parents, teachers, friends, the media it has all built up to make us who we think we are!!!! Dont believe it?? Just ask yourself in any situation if you would choose to be that way? If you wouldnt, you are not choosing!!! The beauty is that in order to reclaim our power from our conditioned minds, we just have to be aware that we are not choosing, thats all. No happy clappy positive bullshit (which can make you feel worse!) Just be aware that you are not choosing and ask yourself what you would ideally choose instead. This starts off the process of separating from your conditioned mind and after a while it looses its power as you know it is not reality. Like any skill, it takes practice, but what a skill to have!!!
I know what its like to feel high anxiety all day and its f*ucking horrible. This is how I beat it - if you can say to yourself "ok Im feeling anxious it is horrible but there is no way of 'thinking' my way out of it, I will just tie myself in knots as I always do and end up making it worse. The best thing I can do is just hold on tight, ride it out and wait for it to pass and it WILL pass, it always does".
Your mind will give you all sorts of 'what ifs' about everything, trying to get you to engage. If you can remain present by not giving energy to these thoughts when they come, that is the key to the door out of it. You need to practice, practice, practice not getting carried off into the past or the future by your worried mind. One way of doing it is feeling what you are feeling, however you are feeling in your body. Just feel it. The mind will say things like "it is horrible, i hate it, i dont want to feel it" that is fine but the fact is, you are feeling it so you might as well do your best to accept it, as fighting it only makes it worse.
As for your situation, we always have achoice of how to respond to people, despite what your mind might say like “yeh but people shouldn’t do……, people shouldn’t say……”. But they do so its us who needs to change in order to deal with it not them. As for being at home, there are plenty of things you could do, getting some fresh air on a daily basis really helped my recovery. Oh yes your mind will come up with loads of reasons not to do anything! You know what, do it anyway, go beyond the anxiety and see how powerful it can be. You may not feel that good doing it but the point is that you are going beyond your anxiety and THAT’S what matters!
Gotta go but let me know if you have any questions.
03-29-2012, 06:12 PM
I'm so sorry to hear you're feeling this way... I'm really concerned about the symptoms you described. It sounds like these problems are having a severe negative impact on your life. My recommendation to you would be to seek help from a medical professional. There are behavioral health centers like Brookhaven Hospital or Clear View and the Anxiety Treatment Center that specialize in anxiety programs. Please don't be afraid to seek help. All you need is guidance and tools to help you cope with these issues. There are ways to feel better, and people to help you get there. You don't have to go through this alone, and I hope that you will find the help you need to heal and cope. You don't have to go through it alone, there are resources out there to help you.
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