Anytime I am in a crowd, my face starts to turn beat red and I start sweating, even if no one is paying any attention to me. And anytime a manager at work wants to talk to me, I start to turn beat red and get worried thinking I'm in trouble or something. It's so embarrassing. Right now I'm training to be a backhoe operator and I'm completely fine running it if no one is around, but as soon as I feel like people are watching me, I get nervous and frantic and I start to lose focus on the job I should be doing. I also stutter all of the time when I'm around people, yet if I talk to myself when no one's around, I can talk perfectly (and ironically enough I'm a terrific writer- I've gotten published in books before and won a few awards back in the day.)
This is ruining my job, my ability to get an education, and my opportunity to participate in my local community. I can't go anywhere without my face turning red and when I do go places I leave immediately because I don't want people to see like I'm a nervous wreck.
I'm so f***ing sick of this. It's controlling my damned life. I don't know what to do. Is there any medication or anything that will help me from this?
I'm 19 and this has been controlling me for many years, I just don't know how much longer I can take it... it's pissing me off.