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  1. #1
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    Difficulties When Dealing With Crowds

    I am aware of social phobia, but as much as I avoid interactions, there are instances where I can't, like family gatherings and such. I'm having difficulty conversing with people especially when there are more than one. Do you also experience this? What are the topics that you bring up that don't seem awkward or don't make you seem uncomfortable?

  2. #2
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    I go with the Judo principle. Let others make the first move and ride with that. Otherwise I generally keep things very simple at such gatherings reserving my opinions for online forums such at these. Additionally conversing need not always require constant talking. Just being there to listen is often more appreciated than not.

  3. #3
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    Thanks for your response. I'll keep that in mind. Maybe, I worry too much or I put a lot of pressure on myself when I shouldn't? It's hard dealing with this cause at the back of your mind, you just want to fast-forward and call it a day.

  4. #4
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    I can totally relate

  5. #5
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    I was actually wondering if maybe I could go seek a therapist for this? Is there a chance you have had an experience with therapists? How was it? Does therapy help?

  6. #6
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    Hi Camillie. Nice to see you again. (forgive my unclear expression as middle of the day I am not the best)

    If the issue at hand is something you feel that is holding you back and you have been struggling finding solutions then by all means a therapist 'could' be an option.

    I've been seeing varioius Psychologists for the last nine years (discounting the many in my youth) and is something that works (for the most part) quite well for me. That said it's not something for everyone. Rapport is key! Some people may be more easy to match up than others. The irony for me is that as a 'survivor' I have major trust issues yet do well with therapy. It can take me a minimum off trying 3 different people before finding the right one to work with. It's not personal or if it is ... it's all me.

    Another way to look at therapy - (psychotherapy) - Is to understand it is more a tool that you use and agree to work with. Be wary of therapists that try to fix you. I know it sounds counter intuitive to think like that, however I'm trying to shorten the answer without writing a book. Therapists are only guides and you only get back what your willing to put in. If your willing to identify, be honest and test out a few things then try again, then sure therapy could be useful. Just don't expect or have expectations when it comes to fixing. More often than not when things gel well in therapy, one thing leads to another and what you first thought needed fixing takes on a whole new meaning. If you stick at it long enough and understand the process takes time and acknowledge break throughs when they occur, you start to see things in a new light. Issues may still plague you, however learning to accept things as they are can be had through having someone who listens to you.

    The biggest issue I have myself is with text book therapists who are rigid in their training/easy to see through. There are two kinds that I struggle with. Those still learning present issues with respect to how lack of experience and I being the older one as a long term disability client being with a young fresh support workers just starting out. Again it's not personal. Age, culture, conditioning and all things related to the essence of experience play into relations between clients and service providers. If you go private you can avoid the pit falls and be better matched with someone with more experience and perhaps more suited to who and how you be. If you have been abused by the church, the last thing you might want is a Christian Therapist. That is just one example of many. The text book does not take long to come out and taint the sessions regardless of one's system of belief. In that regard the educated belief system takes over at any rate with all kinds of strategies that seek to challenge, trigger and so on. Lack of experience can really mess things up. You don't want to be anyone's guinea pig; at least not for too long. Perhaps as a means to get from one point to another in order to up the scale of experienced help. How much you willing to spend (although not always a good indicator) and how many therapists are you will to try out?

    It's not just one way though. Our experience also sets the scene. For instance if I was just starting out and did not know what I know now then I too, might perhaps post rants about how my therapist just won't listen to me. I've read a lot of those. Whilst to be sure many therapists can be careless in their robotic implementation behind a veil of well practiced pretense we have to remember that they too are only human and are part of the energy feedback system. As in they also can be reactionary when things are not going to plan. Excuse me whilst I chuckle because there is no easy way for me to write a short brief reply on this topic. Anyone that has read me knows the extent of my experience with therapy and whilst I myself choose to continue with it and regard it as my medication ... it is kind of complex to put into words yet I treat my sessions as meeting with a friend (I feel I can trust) who is more like a 'silent' guide that seemingly knows me well enough when it comes to the guiding.

    It helps to give the therapist something to work with of course; keep them interested.

    OK - here's another take - It's going to take a while to even know yourself what it is that lay at the core or if you think you know it's going to take a while to accept that which your struggling with. This be reason to even go seek help in the first place. Don't seek out help with half measures. That is prone to fail for sure - however, do so if your the type that keeps getting back up no matter what. For me, I fall quite often but I guess my super power is getting back up. If you feel seeking someone out might even be slightly worth it despite the the pitfalls (which I was only just scratching the surface with) and think you could see a couple of therapists is need be, then I would say Go For It! Just be sure you are the one sailing the boat. Done right, therapy can in fact empower you without all the motivational wiz bang go get em drama. If you want that - you may as well just get a life coach and play that game which is fine if that system floats your boat. It's just not mine. In fact it's that mind set that overwhelms me. The funny thing is there are some therapists out there that ooze with that genre - which is just anther reason you may or may not want to try different practices/tioners until you find one that you feel is right for you. I find it takes about 3 sessions to get a good feel and be flexible and not hard on yourself if things don't go so well thereafter. Just treat is like store policy to go try another. They are after all individuals that sell themselves. Shop around and don't give them too much power. We now live in a society that gives way too much power to their doctors and so on and so forth.

    Huge irony for me to say that least ... that I can say I enjoy seeing therapists with how I regard society. I guess I am lucky in that respect as I really wish more people could see them and also have a healthy understanding of how seeing one can be good for one's health. There is so much to consider - like I say ... it's not for everyone. At least not just yet. In current times, especially now with CV19 -The world has seen a major rise in allocations for subsidy and allocation of said services, but without an understanding of how the process works it's more often hit and miss. I became a self professed guru before opening up to how therapy worked. After that period I had a LOT of unlearning to do before I worked out how to make the most of the psychotherapy that I now have the privilege to utilize.

    NOW I WILL SIMPLIFY:
    Be prepared to shop around and give it a few goes with at least 3 different individuals. Finding the right person makes all the difference. Don't be hard on those you don't gel with; let go of it and move on to the next one. (is harder than it sounds - question yourself instead)
    *Just find someone that YOU feel really listens.
    *Don't expect results anytime soon.
    *When being with someone you trust - open up like you would to your child self.
    *Understand that it is you that helps yourself in the end - but be grateful for the process.

    Yes - I have experience
    Yes - It does help me.
    .
    Also ... Keep typing if it helps. Personally, I have found your posts to be rather encouraging.

    I'm still learning and don't expect to be cured. Therapy for me is not about such an angle or market. All this text is more about my point of view. Fully respect it may not fit with others.
    Last edited by Ponder; 04-25-2021 at 10:03 PM.

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ponder View Post
    I go with the Judo principle. Let others make the first move and ride with that. Otherwise I generally keep things very simple at such gatherings reserving my opinions for online forums such at these. Additionally conversing need not always require constant talking. Just being there to listen is often more appreciated than not.
    I've never heard of "Judo Principle", but I let others make the first move most of the time now. I'm not all that good at speaking to people anymore, however I talk my therapists ear off because we have a genuine connection. I come across as nervous and awkward in public - I didn't used to be this way - but that was then. Sometimes, I'm even afraid to make 'eye contact' with people.

  8. #8
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    Making eye contact just drains the life out of me. Whilst many looking to make contact think it's some kind of shame thing (as many look to take the higher ground / one-ups-manship, it's more a case that I don't need to be siphoned of my last remaining energy. That being said, elements of shame are hard ignore when elements of blame are being continually projected by those fueled with pretentions mainstream ideals.

    Good to be back Sal and nice to see you again.

 

 

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