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  1. #51
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    Misunderstood Peoples, Complacency and Negative Impact Within the Industry.

    Hey Sal. Yum. That dinner sound really nice. Hehe – I agree – I agree.

    I did not think the movie you mentioned would show up in our region as there is a log of stuff we don’t get to see here than others on the other side of the world usually have access to. I will watch it and see how I sleep tonight – LOL.
    NICE WALK! Sounds like you scored on that round of effort. Nicely done. A walk is a walk. Once time I was so isolated that I started walking in my back yard around the clothes line. It worked! I eventually went from that to losing 36kg. Now I am not trying to suggest anything by that. God forbid I try that again. ZZZzzz

    Grrrrrrr to people’s sheepish attitudes and how easily they fall into line then project their BS onto others. This being my response to what you said re the Masks. I mean not to judge either way, but that negative projection you are talking about is very real and toxic. Yea we need to breath! So many people do not know how to balance the mask warring and use it as just another form of abuse.

    Is OK man … I respect your views on privacy. I kind of could care less myself given my background and share pretty much everything … THAT SAID, I can dig where you’re coming from. I will keep an eye out in the chat box bellow and happy to use it if ever you would like to talk live. I have used it with great success with other forum members. Not often but a few times we had some cool sessions.

    You know Linux is really good for keeping all that tracking at bay. I used to use a multiboot operating system where if I really wanted a trouble free experience I would use a Linux distribution to surf the net and then just log back into windows for my more demanding user friendly tasks such as gaming and Photoshop. My main gripe with trackers is how it affects my dyslexia. Quite bad at times.

    Yea … we mostly refurb laptops and give those away to appropriate applicants. We do our best to keep a list to ensure we cover others who missed out. Is hard to please everyone though.
    __________________________________________________ _____

    I’m glad you able to post in the forum again but appreciate the need for space when that time comes. Just post about whatever when you have time regarding the constant bureaucratic battles we have to undertake when accessing promised services and the like. Half the time if it’s not the quality of reports that hold one’s back it can just be a simple case of the person pushing the pen.
    Some people should not be in the positions they are in.

    I understand not everyone will care to read, but I am going to share something that will explain why I have been climbing the walls and often why I just want to give up. It was much easily for me to take screens shots and stick the following. The content speaks for itself and you already have enough history given my distress over the last couple of days with regards to context. Other than that I will just entitle as follows:

    Misunderstood Peoples, Complacency and Negative Impact Within the Industry. The Constant Battle:




    Now I can sleep ZZZzzzzzz







    Last edited by Ponder; 05-11-2021 at 04:35 AM.

  2. #52
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    Well no wonder you were climbing the walls. I Read every word of your reports and I'll admit, even reading yours bring up suicidal thoughts within me - not because you triggered me in any way, but because it relates (closely) to what I'm also going through.

    As you say, I'll take space if I needed here and respect your space as I'm only here to support you and others now without 'butting in' or being pessimistic that won't help you or anyone. Please don't think I'm giving up on myself, I can't give up or 'they' win, just taking a break to recover then start this whole mess again in Fall. Enough about me for now though.

    Wow, nothing surprises me anymore on this battle. But ... This lady is inappropriate for her line of work - shes cruel and heartless and lacks compassion and basic humanity skills. She sure was being condescending towards you with those comments. So much to say, but I'm going to restrain myself and be optimistic for you. I suppose: expecting anything to go smoothly dealing with the system is being unrealistic. I hope they find you another case worker, or if not, at least you're better prepared now if you have to deal with her again.

    Well I hope your sleep went better and the movie was a 6/10 for me if you did see it.

    I (truly) hope you have a nice week ahead and find things to enjoy. I want to restore my grandmothers Queen Anne coffee table that I inherited - for now, it just needs proper cleaning to get years of nasty polish and ugly varnish away to see what I'm dealing with. Its beautiful piece of furniture. This is my goal for now to restore some of my neglected items and cherish what I do have.
    Last edited by salvator here; 05-11-2021 at 10:39 AM.

  3. #53
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    Raw Freestyling - At least as I see it for me & my peers

    Thanks for kind words Sal. Totally exhausted today. Still catching up on sleep but glad I made the effort to focus what I could re making my complaints/feedback. I do not have the energy to do another review which was offered as a result of my telling's. I have to focus on the family courts now. The good news is as you say, I and my team of supports are well positioned in the event this review officer strays from policy when making decisions. Because we do not ask for anything outside the constraints/guidelines we should be good to challenge anything that arises if need be.

    You seem to understand well just how hard it can be to keep the system honest where we often question the counter intuitive side of things when it comes to our health. Is best to try and learn those guide lines and not set expectations high, however as far as dealing with people who lack humanity in these positions - we need to take a stand if we do decide to continue using their services. I guess that is what I was trying to do for my own well being. I am very lucky to have supports that understand me. I think they are making the next review 3 years away this time around as will no longer require any more psyche assessments. Enough is enough. Future reports will only relate to the utilization of recommended services and funds as it should be. The intensive assessments this time around was to actually counter the bias towards mental illness which is quite a sad topic in itself. We planed well on this take and I think at the core of it, that the person behind the desk this time around did not like the fact that all the report backed eachtoher up like a well oil machine. Although my coordinator has not come out and said it as such, I can tell she if very happy that I made the noise I did as the resistance we got from behind that desk was just an opportunity for me to do what I do best. In fact I can see how my supports encouraged me not to take the conduct of this officer laying down. As a result I was able to point out exactly the opposite of where this officer wanted to take my case and in doing so I now have a much more consolidated case when it comes to countering this incessant bias towards indidiuvals that suffer mental illness.

    I can't stand how people so easily dismiss those known to have life long chronic complex cases that involve labels such as bi-polar, schizophrenia, major depressive disorder, social phobia, generalized anxiety and so on and so forth. The system is designed in a way that is easy to water down mental illness disorders when it comes to seeking 'permanent' mental health assistance. Permanent being the complex nature of such claims. Once you are awarded into any kind of disability pension that requires that certification of 'permeance' re whatever disability - when it comes to service utilization it's another whole game where as I have alluded to that mental illness the same kind of stigma from public opinion deep into mainstream services. The undesirable traits of mental illness are viewed as 'self made.' Like the same kind of stigma where people are not operated on if they smoke cigarettes', drink and so on. All the way down to fat people having to pay double for a plane ticket. The NDIS even had a clause that people who have been in prison need not apply. Perhaps that was like time based? At any rate that resonated with me in terms of the stigma context. God forbid my mention of being such a by product would have anything I say instantly dismissed by those reading.

    It's the exact same 'you brought it on yourself' reasoning why so many mental health labels are knocked back when applying for whatever scheme. I understand the need to hmmm prioritize applicants from a budgetary point of view and also accounting for blatant acts of fraud that go on all the time. However, what I would like highlight here is the damage this bias towards mental illness in general does to genuine certified life long affected individuals that suffer with mental illness all their life. That review officer that fronted me was rife with that exact bias and she did not like our well constructed case as it was repeated all the way through how my autism take precedence over my other wise mental illness labels so to speak. Let's think of some of these 'agents' across the desk more like insurance reps. When they assess reports they are looking for the NOs and not the YESs. The only YESs they give are to those above them. The Yes Men/Women - who's role is to say no more than it is Yes. I'm pretty sure you get me drift?

    Throughout the entire review the officer was focused on dismissing any kind of 'psychical' impairment where she could. This became more obvious to me as the review went on and more and more she diminished my Autism Traits. For her it is important to have me relegated more as mentally affected in order to reduce my drain on the budget. I know that sounds harsh, paranoid or whatever. I don't care what others think. I am telling it as I see and sense it. Don't think for a minute that many of these would be bureaucrats don't have their own bias re those stigmas I highlighted. If and when you come across these types and you have a stream of well oiled reports designed to counter these would be's - then it is easy to gauge the tone that sets to question in a dismissive tone. Now that is a separate dynamic to other variables that get in the way. BUT - it is a typical one that leads to un professional interview that wind up like the one I just had. Of course this take is more easily seen from a client perspective that has been in the system for decades and no so well understood by those lacking in intellect, desire, will, and so on so forth. It's easy to see how the system wares people down in order to prevent overflow. Others in the service or employed that might concede to this client point of view would be those whom are said to be 'burnt out' - Others who are still working in the filed are of course not going to see or at least not give credence and this is how we often end up being told we have a different perspective than those relegated are more equipped that us. Therefore our instability has us seeing it all wrong where those who we think are bias in their conduct towards us are seen as can do no wrong. The latter goes back to the game of Physicals/Congenial/neurological Vs Mental. Now I know I have not even come close to being coherence for most reading, but I sense you at least get the gist from your replies regardless of different labels.

    I am not meaning to make it US and Them - I am alluding to the 'imperfect system' and how it sets the scene and aims as well as imperfections re conduct and outcomes. Whilst some would think it offensive, cynical and or just plain negative to call this whole drama nothing but a GAME, I would say adopting such a take is probably the best way to find a solution in order to stay sane! Learn the rules no matter how inconsistent they be. Learn to deal with the conflicts by picking them apart and BUILDING A CASE FROM SCRTACH IF NEED BE! Design your relationships, connections, reports, and on and so forth ensuring each one connects with the other by highlighting the inconsistencies with counter reasoning that probes the complexities of multiple conditions ensuring you prioritize the variables that fit the boxes for you. The latter is important because you have to keep it real! Keeping it real will ensure those supports you draw in will work for you. Often this means you have to learn as much as you can about what the system requires than you have to learn your conditions inside out and feed back to those professionals and support staff making the assessments and reports. It's a fine line to be sure when dealing with so many different opinions. Get rid of anyone service/professional/individual that you sense is not in line with your philosophy/line of thinking.

    Forgive me if I go on too much here ... but I want to share how this fucking game is played. How to play it well and keep it real! To keep it genuine for your own unique case. Do not let other rule you in the decision making. Yes there are RULES! Probably the key point to seeing it as a game. Many of these professionals do not want to work hard for you. You have to win the over and make them see you are a special case and work with them in a way that let's them see you more as an opportunity rather than a hard case. Sigh ... Be careful of the whole self diagnosis drama. I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT THAT 'TRAP!' You will be seen as a doctor hopper like someone after meds. Better yet - go for those who are more into the healthier versions of self help methodologies and learn about those. Once you find 'people' who want to help and identify the imperfections of the system and enjoy your feedback and willingness to work on oneself - these are the types of professional who can make their reports count!
    __________________________________________________ ________

    I try to give brief summery from the start before I even got on Disability Pension as the system I have come up with to help myself in a toxic system is more about surviving in a process that many people can't even get into and yet if they do - many become consumed in a way that is questionable regarding the project aims.

    When I used front up at the local employment agencies? That's the place I should start out because this is where I had to learn the fucking game or set myself on fire. Remember that story?

    I know I am going on a bit ... and really what I am saying I guess might only be something I can understand. That said, I will give myself more credit and expose what I can regardless of all the little sheep looking on in disgust. If you want to do more than just survive in this world ... then you have to play the BS game. let me get Cuppa before I continue with this book.

    ENTER
    Last edited by Ponder; 05-12-2021 at 03:46 AM.

  4. #54
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    An Extreme Example of Playing The Game!

    WOW - where did that come from? I'll stand by it none the less. I was on a roll there but since I decided to have milo instead of coffee and the following vibes now settling me somewhat - ZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzz



    So in the end before I was pensioned off, it all came down to me sitting down pleading behind the desk of a stand-in manager of an employment agency. With a petrol can, a rope and lighter in hand I begged and pleaded my case, that I had to go to such extremes as all their staff were not hearing me. I had originally planned to play this role with my case worker - however when I was finally called forward and told she was not in, I requested to see the manager. Eventually a young girl came out and I then pondered for a split second if I should put this girl through my intention. It was too late - the universe was moving so I decided in the end it was probably better to play this game with a managerial position. I had sat down sweating over the petrol can reciting in my head over and over "The Power of Intention" I was sick of living the lie that these employment agencies would have me do from day to day and it was a slow, painful agonizing death that was dragging on year after year. The conflicts they were putting me through and the indignity of being treated the way I was lead me to tears as I continued to please that I needed people to start hearing me. I am pleased to say that the petrol can was at least empty. I told the young girl that it was a precursor to what I would do if people continued to ignore me. That said it was a huge deal and not easy for me to to such extremes despite being so desperate. A mental heath division of the police came and assessed me and left without charging me but not before ensuring I would receive the appropriate support. I finally found a therapist who listened to me.

    What can I say? This is no doubt an extreme example of playing the game. Although when you go to these lengths, people will not accuse you of playing games. Suddenly it becomes serious. Go Figure!!! Thus began my system of countering those who would throw mental health forms at me and tell me it's not their role. They literally come back from the printer and carelessly threw a stapled collection of forms at me from across table that may as well of hit my face. "Not our problem!" in as many words. So I made it one that could not be disputed. Since those times, linking people up has become more of a thing rather than throwing paper at people. I would also note this is how first used the self help guidance I was teaching myself from the internet. Hence reciting to myself "The Power of Intention!"
    __________________________________________

    But how does living the lie apply to others & or how can others understand the conflicts that lead so many of us to extremes?
    Fact is despite exhibiting traits that had earlier been brought to my attention as aspergers like symptoms that I never really cared to learn about at that time and has since been categorized within the spectrum of autism - yadda yadda - there was really nothing WRONG with me. In fact I excelled and still do at many things. Just not within the realms of society. Now talking like that will have me labeled as something else. Point and Case here with the previous revelations is to solely expose how labels work when it comes to boxing individuals whom are more looked upon as conflicts to an imperfect system. In this light many of us are the same regardless of having different labels. Before I discovered the teachings of Eckhart Tolle I really learned how to take on these labels and I mean take them on in a way that I made a profession out of. That's not to say what I connected with was not real. What I did was learn what society wanted and really embraced it as the devout little boy I knew myself to be. I just felt it was time to take on those papers that these public servants would often throw in my face and that I would play that role to the T! Given my history and the stage I had just set - it was easy although the system would still require me to up the ante with respect to public outburst just to be heard that little more.

    I could tell you many stories where authorities required more pain and suffering to be inflicted before you could either receive help or once again 'be heard!' That's when you get those News Stories with people saying things like "How on earth could a human do such a thing?" It's actually quite easy for people to be driven to insanity that either inflicts pain and suffering on themselves or others. I was smart enough to make my protest in a place that I knew would get attention as doing it in your own home ... no one cares. At any rate I am pleased to say that I wised up and could see that role was only good for one or two presentations as consistently playing that act is just being puppeted. Fact is once I started getting the right kind of therapy I no longer needed to play that role in order to be heard.

    The thing I tell people who complain about their situation whether it be in a J-O-B, Relations, School or whatever - is then if you don't want that then what are you prepared to do? Of course it's easy to say once you are no longer in a touch position. For me I would walk out of the Job into the streets without a care for the world. I guess for me my prejudicial childhood had given me the advantage of having hit rock-bottom before even starting out in life. Of course I was fucked up in other areas and my ability (super power) to attach to the 'required' labels quickly becomes a disadvantage as I heed and understand Eckhart Tolle's philosophy on the pitfall of over-identification. You see, even though I now find myself seemingly in an arena said to be of less expectation - society still requires that I prove myself to be permanently disabled. Like I understand the concept of warranting supports but if you actually identify as broken and in need of constant improving - then you will always be puppeted on strings.

    This is no longer guide! You see I am lost in this game and just as much a slave no matter what role I choose to play. I just don't tow the line easily and work around the BS society expects of me. Everything I said before in my previous post still stands. It is how I have been surviving. This post - it just reminds me of the futility ... the BS - the Pretentious society that we live in. Everyone is BSing themselves on some level or other. It's just rare that people are willing to call themselves out. Me - what label do I require to fit the bill? I am them all! I need not pretend. We can all be them all! How low do you want to go? Sigh.

    I don't need help! Nope not me! I am not a nut case! I'm not retarded! No way, that is just not cool! We'll - unless you can be on some level ... you will never understand me. You want to be normal in this normal world? You can have it! FTW.

    You don't have to be homeless or from the bottom rung to present as retarded. Although that word is to much of a complement for otherwise sheep whom think they have it all worked out. Most people in society are suffering from mental illness. This world is fucking insane and many people like Tolle are saying it over and over. Yet for many of us that do not have the income we must continue to play the game.

    Alas how to play ... how to be in the world but not of the world. How to live the lie yet not succumb to the conflict of living like so? That there is the question for me.

    I think I can accept being a by product of the world that receives a disability pension for good reason. But to be part of a system that requires me to be broken year after year ... that is another thing entirely. That there be the making of societal ideals. The workings of the human meat market that has not time for humanity on any level. The system presents the deception of having moral guides when in reality its just a slave market that runs the never ending all consuming machine.

    How much of myself have I lost since being on NDIS? How toxic are these reviews? I may very well have to research if my pension would be at risk if I stop playing that game. Fact is I no longer have the energy to play like I used to. Perhaps that is a good thing? hmmmmmm

  5. #55
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    cont ... All good ... just trying to make sense of it all. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz I still don't know shit. I do know that this existence and the rule made are as toxic as they can get. They are most certainly made for the benefit of the few where the sheep then take out their dissatisfaction on their fellow man. All the love and light only exists within the stories found online and no where to be seen outside our front door. Just more deception to sell another system of rules. Best I can do is hang in there and share my own light with my family as I often do when not feeding back my hear felt issues online. To be sure there is no disputing we have made a good home despite this fucked up world but that is down to our own efforts and not some fucked up system that seeks to have us beholden. The way I was just treated at my review will see me NEVER participate at the level they wish for me to do. NEVER! Fuck them and fuck their world. I proudly say I will just jump the hoops but they will never have my compliance in the way they wish it. I'm not self made - I will always remain a byproduct of this world and nothing else. That said, I will however continue to live in my head and make quality connections that see me prosper no matter how insignificant I am implied to be for my non-compliance. Fact is - I think in this world we are best to keeping the number of people in our lives to a bare minimum. People being what they are today and all.

    ZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz what the fuck ever - into the void soon enough. I welcome the void - I am the void - the void is me. Way way more peaceful than anything on this world could ever hope to be. Into the void I go tonight.

    ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ ZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

    Keep pretending - or call it for what it is and hope that one day others will also stop bullshitting. I much prefer people without filters - less deception.

    Mistakes are only given ... not made! Keep them to yourself and learn your own fucking lessons. FUCK SOCIETY & FUCK ME.

    Program Deleted! __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ ________________________

  6. #56
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ponder View Post
    WOW - where did that come from? I'll stand by it none the less. I was on a roll there but since I decided to have milo instead of coffee and the following vibes now settling me somewhat - ZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzz


    Thanks for sharing that vid, I'll give a try tonight when I'm wound up.

    Well.. it came from a deep place within your being and I think you're right, not everyone will understand that level of (I'll use the word) "expelling" (comes to mind). I got/felt it. I keep wanting to say I hope you feel "better"; but, perhaps, I think, I mean I hope you feel "free" (from the conflicted torment that is poison to our psyche).

    I understand Milo is akin to Ovaltine here in the US - I do enjoy it now and again

  7. #57
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    I'm trying to keep it together. I have to go and buy some appropriate clothes today for the impending court case. After that I have to write up my own affidavit. I guess I just needed to get out all the toxic thoughts bouncing around in my head. That review officer really made things worse is all yet I mean not to start blaming others as I know well how blame and shame only makes things worse.

    The letter from the young girl (about 16) re her father's abuse (our grandsons father as well) is still also very much bouncing around in my head. That's a police worthy notification with a high level of risk yet the complexities of the case and just about every falibility I previously mentioned in last post re society just makes these revelations more hopeless and insane.

    Sigh ... I will somehow find compassion for myself in an effort to find helpful words soon enough.

    For now I go and get those pretentious clothes I do not do so well in. It more akin to prison clothing from my point of view. Not because of anything I have done, but more so because of compliance like a mask for the muzzling. Go figure that one. Just like the wigs of authority. Robes and all that. Such a toxic place that shows exactly where society fails through the exterior is values over life itself. Each side is as prone to failure as the other. Alas unhelpful I know. Still expelling.

    I go get ready to find my own BS clothes.

    I'm still in a bit of a spiral. I'll find more hopeful words soon enough. I have too for my grandson sake. We always seem to do and he is doing very well. This space does not reflect my everyday life out of this forum. It's more a space that I use so I can keep living and live as well as I know only how. Just like my grandson ... my reports too as pretty good. It's just people that really suck and 'oh' how the wrong ones can cripple good reports. Just have to make sure I don't cripple myself in that wake.

    The way in which we approach things is key. I cheer up soon.

  8. #58
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    Ended up getting great service and feel like a million bucks in my new strides despite my reservations. More positive reports coming in and nothing but damning evidence regarding the father. I should be able to put together a relevant affidavit and with all things considered should do well enough for my part on the day. Still some weeks away but is good to be well prepared.

    Time to get back to work on my general health - outdoor exospore and all that. Balance out my general routine without too much focus on these negative thoughts. They have come and now they have gone. Time to put on an older record by saying it's time to go with what works.

  9. #59
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ponder View Post
    Time to get back to work on my general health - outdoor exposure and all that. Balance out my general routine without too much focus on these negative thoughts. They have come and now they have gone. Time to put on an older record by saying it's time to go with what works.
    Exactly

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    Speaking about old records/tunes. Your last remix link lead me to finding the following clip:



    I went for a walk at 5:30am this morning. Temp was 42F/6C - 30 mins - Dark with only one by-passer and several cars max. Location - inner suburban windy block with one main road kept to a bare minimum. Nose level was acceptable. Look forward to doing again.

    PS - started introducing some healthy foods like lemon water and morning oats with small amounts of fruit and veggies.

 

 

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