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  1. #131
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    Hi Sal, I was very much hoping you might.

  2. #132
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    It kind of loses it's charm after a while but what the hell. Let's just put it down to another disorder.



    My savior is here and settling in for the night then I head back to start annoying my wife with more kisses.

    I'll cap off and finish this saga once and for all and pass you the torch.

    I told my Dad that I am fine with who I am and if he can't accept that then that is for him to carry and not me. My mum told me she understands. I hung out their washing with mine and have since bought it in. My mum and I will hug one more time and I'll be out of here as quick as you can say -
    I LOOSEN THE DEVIL IN YOU!

    Although we'll make sure no one says that and that we all leave on good terms. Even if we all have to pretend.
    ____________________________________

    PS - Is OK ... I am not turning into a monk either. That's too much work. I need to heal myself and I would have to make my own version of such a thing.

    I have no idea what I'll post next. Perhaps yet another attempt and clean eating and or exercising. Is always worth trying.
    Last edited by Ponder; 06-13-2021 at 12:26 AM.

  3. #133
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    Jan 2016
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    1,190
    Have a safe trip home

  4. #134
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    Oct 2013
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    Australia
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    Get Some more Sun & Move More

    Thanks Sal. My plants have been looked after well whilst I was gone and it's been such a relief to both see and be with them again. It really is turning into a great place to sit and relax:

    Much of the same triggers are still very much present but we are all ready to face and deal with them as they come.


    I ended up watching the THE RITE with Anthony Hopkins ... again. What I learned is that I don't beleive in myself. However, that IS ok just as it's OK to beleive in nothing. What is not ok is despair and anguish. I'm still in much need of quiet time which I will be seeking to find in my own home at the right times. It's about 9pm during this post before I hit enter where I hope to hit my bed around 10pm regardless of knowing I will drag my phone into bed with me but choose something mellow to enter into whatever dreams come.

    I am off the medication for now and will be requesting the valium for next time round and not this weakened variety. I don't need meds for general sleep. When I decide to take them, its for full blown manic PTSD bouts. I have arranged appointment with GP in the 2 weeks time. My phycologist has agreed to come with me and help educate the GP. Basically I will challenge my doctor as she did not answer my question during last visit when I stated and asked "You don't seem convinced about my diagnosis/s, please do tell me what you think?" This was after she asked who gave me the diagnosis. Well, when I give her back the pills she prescribed, she is also going to meet the professional who diagnosed me. I will continue to push the question I last asked her asking for a response this time. Of course I will be somewhat more diplomatic about it, however I think she will get my point. Many GPs are over-empowered and way out of the league when they do on the spot diagnosing when asking whatever questions. I can smell she has an issue with my therapist being registered and not clinical, however what she does not understand is the team he works with and those overseeing him. His diagnosis are also based on previous clinical phycologist and psychiatrist who stated .... xyz needs to be investigate. So we did with a team of people over the course of MANY hours!!! That is what I will be making a point of and I will expose the bias I sense in her and if I do not feel she in on the same page with my next visit after when just with my support worker and additionally if she does not focus on me and continues to allow her bias ... then I am done with her and prepared to start all over again. The next one I start fresh on ... I'll start with the therapist attending that one and I'll burn through all of them until I meet one that is not going to challenge me like so. How quick these types are to dismiss after so much effort has gone with with so many other people. PFFFT

    I may not be able to keep them all honest, but I will one at a time.

    SIGH - GPs ... They can be as problematic and pharmacists plying doctor & doctors playing psychologists!!! I doubt I will change doctors as I have already said she it quite good, but I do need to set her straight and ensure she is on the same page. That I will do. basically once done, I avoid that section of the health care system as much as possible. Yet I know it unavoidable to some degree and if you intend on using the system for any length of time with support in mind, then you got to build a case and educate them. Hat's off to my therapist for agreeing to be flexible with our regular appointments, more so creative. He dislikes the system as well and seems to enjoy working with me. Love writing supporting letters that actually support the clients whilst challenging the system and those complacent in it that may or may not stand in our way. I thought what a great idea to challenge the GP! Let's see how she raises an eyebrow in front of the both of us and thereafter when I attend with my regular supports. Complacency sets in when they get too comfortable and it is the same with me when I allow them to start leading me instead of me being included with regards to implied choice and control. You go to watch em!

    OK - letting go of that shit until appointment time. There are a few other hurdles I have to deal with regarding supports but I seem able to just let all that slide until those appointments come up. I am going to focus on rebuilding my outdoor exposure which I have missed since being away from home. I don't have any dogs barking at me here when I go outside home / backyard and I also have my bicycle to slowly take the back routes if the need arises. That might be worth a few photos in itself.

    Despite feeling the GP needs to be updated and take things a little more seriously, I will be letting other facets of said system buffer with all it's conflicting administrations and what not until such a time it just becomes apparent that more needs doing. Just need to organize another place other than my parents when it comes to an unplanned time out for next time around. That too I has set in place but needs to be left on the backplate before I can get an answer. I've pretty much got all the stuff that needs doing set up.

    In the mean time I need to take a page out of my grandson's book and do like he in the following - GOODNIGHT ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzz

    Last edited by Ponder; Yesterday at 05:44 AM.

  5. #135
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    Oct 2013
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    Australia
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    I really got to stop barking point blank let alone up the wrong tree. This is why I don't do medications and avoid dealing with doctors point blank. Just like the medications I got to stop the supports to some degree. It's like with me uncontrolled eating I find myself a victim to my own selfish desires. The conflicts within the whole system does my head in so all I am really doing is banging my head against the wall by even attempting to reach out for help. I continue to write about this struggle in the efforts to remind myself how much I may benefit if I just give up relying on so called disability supports. Again not exactly black and white as they get you by the balls with the basics of 'living' which I have lost complete sight of.

    On with my day.

  6. #136
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    Australia
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    arrrr fuck it, time for a bit of hetero bullshiter trans comedy!



    Works for me - Good period!
    Too challenging for for most today. It's a bird? it's a plane? No it's a man! My God!!! Get out of the Ladies you Dirty Bastard!!! ​



    Must be getting bored. Have been watching this guy back to back. I never really knew about him. Had seem him every now and then but really can't get enough atm. It's The Dog's Bullocks!

 

 

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