And now its 9AM and the TV is behind me (I sit in the corner computer stand unit because the sound is better in the room) and fucking religious shit is being pushed upon me to add insult to injury. Gonna have to shut out this if I'm going to survive. As I sit here I recall looking a my bottles of whiskey when felt similar and the comfort that knowing it would all go away was such a relief, but the hangovers OMG. I didn't stop until I passed out into a coma.

How can this happen??? How can somebody be at polar opposite of the world??? !!! I realize my upbringing was faulty and I was taught bad information. Like 'Be nice and everything will all be fine'. Most of my upbringing was from the Catholic Church teaching and they were BAD BAD BAD and so very wrong and damaging.

See what I mean ... I feel so dark with no light left in my soul. Not the religious soul teaching bullshit either. Fuck religion and politics and I ALREADY know I was born a piece of shit and full of sin and I'm supposed to go on in life being guilty begging for forgiveness. I see other so-called "Normal" people are WAY sicker than I and they are doing great in life.

OK ... logging off