Dust myself off and try again, try again ?

[Ponder]

Hey Sal - don't feel shy about popping back in after making an exit. Take a leaf out of my book. Either way you have left a positive mark that will always stay with me.

I totally get where this is coming from.

All the best ...

~ Ponder.

[salvator here]

Hi Sal, Sorry to hear you are not coming here anymore. I wish you would change your mind. You seem to be a nice guy and you will be OK.

Thank you; Kirk, I appreciate your word(s) of encouragement

Love this song. It's simply what we can do, to try again and never give up. I think that's what waking up every morning tells us.

I agree 100% - I've missed you; Camille

TLC or Aliyah?

Hi Enthydr ... Aliyah Hope you are doing well.

Hey Sal - don't feel shy about popping back in after making an exit. Take a leaf out of my book. Either way you have left a positive mark that will always stay with me.

I totally get where this is coming from.

All the best ...

~ Ponder.

Ponder, my good man, trust me when I say, I didn't (and won't ever) forget you and the support over the years you have given when I was at my worst here. I think about you all the time throughout the day actually and was sort of hoping you'd pop back to MSFN one day to surprise me. If anybody has followed me on my other 2 forums, you'd think I'm one cheery mofo ... honestly I'm just pushing aside my issues. I am struggling and haven't gotten much further than I was when I left here - partly due to the fact that I've sort of given up on myself and lost hope.

I'm sorry but I just can't go into it now and would rather just enjoy the company of anxiety forum again - as you were my extended family for years now - and you can't just walk away from that. Besides, Dave, when I extended and hand in friendship to you, I meant every word - I do care very much for you and I'm so very happy to see you back here as I've read your thread and find it so refreshing and real. I do not stop caring about people.

Your words: "Either way you have left a positive mark that will always stay with me."

Please know that you have also raised me up when things seems to be hopeless and I've NEVER forgotten your advice.

From last October when I was coming out of a nasty psychotic breakdown, you told me to "Weather The Storm". You also said "Laugh At The Insanity". Once you also said "Being Unstable In An Unstable World Is 100% Normal"

Simply put:

I've missed you all.

[salvator here]

Ok, so.. I've changed my mind and cleaned up this thread (accept for the conversations between myself and ponder that cheered me up) as I think I may need this, but I'll go about it differently this time and not set myself up for a failure this time. I'll keep it light in here rather than constantly use the 'off topic' section all the time.

Anyways..

Where to go from here? I haven't a clue, so I'll just take it day-by-day and when life smacks me down - And if at first I don't succeed ... Then (I'll) dust myself off and try again; try again. For now I'm in recovery mode and going to try go get back to the basics of living - I have to or I'll succumb to the pressure(s). Even my therapist was pretty scared a few months ago, but luckily I avoided becoming hospitalized. Right now she want's me to focus on what is immediate to me well-being.

Again, no need for any replies unless anybody want's to, of course.

For today:

I just need to get outside as I couldn't yesterday and hopefully I can make it to Starbucks later this evening. The weather is so nice and people are taking care of the lawn outside and I feel trapped like this.

Have a great day/evening AF

[salvator here]

So I just got off a Legacy Furniture forum, and they sad to be careful restoring classic furniture as restoring it could devalue it; so the lady downstairs game me a bottle of ... so I'll start with that; I guess.

[salvator here]

I'm dressed and ready for a walk today - they've been cutting grass and I so enjoy fresh cut grass - 66 and sunny out and I've got my mp3 player all charged up. Heading out now ... will write later hopefully.

[Ponder]

Depends on your definition of value. I am very interested in your project and hope you are happy with whatever results. I've kind of been inspired each time I am reading you of late. Thanks for the boost. Hope you had a nice day

[Ponder]

Just letting you know I am feeling better Sal. I hope your still in good spirits? Did you get a chance to work on your restoration project?

[salvator here]

I'm glad you're feeling batter, man

I missed out on a lot last year and the weather is getting nice and I"m going to enjoy it (somehow) if it kills me; despite everything on my plate.

The Value is more if were to sell it (which I'm not) so, I'll start with a good scrub down, but I have to make sure I have enough strength in my arms as I've gotten a bit weak. Truthfully, I've not done much in 2021 and haven't strayed far away from home (or my sofa) much. I've tired but haven't been able to get very far without extreme panic attacks even though I'm on medication. But, Its my grandmothers coffee table that was purchased around the late 80's (I think). I can't find a date or number just yet to determine its (exact) age, but I'm asking advice to gather this information.

Last night, the lady was soo late to pick me up and I finally called her and she said she wasn't feeling well and it was too late to go anywhere by then, she felt bad and brought me but a milkshake and I was totally fine and enjoyed a movie and turned in early.

Today its around 70 degrees and sunny and I'm going to attempt to put on some shorts (which I've not done in a long while) and get some sun on the chicken legs - I'm so pale people need sunglasses to see me now

Ok, a little after 10am here and should eat something and figure out what even fits me anymore lol.

Will write a bit before I head out today.

Good day/evening everyone.

[salvator here]

Shockingly, almost everything still fits me (talk about recycling old things ... hahahaha)

For some reason, when people are out cleaning and neatening up the property and the lawn, they make me nervous in here as they look in at me and I'm afraid they will need to come in - this is a whole different story as I feel afraid when my personal space in invaded upon, but they know what happened the last time they came unannounced - it was very bad and nobody want's a repeat of that.

Slight (ever so slight) trigger to when I used to drink myself into oblivion when this happened, but, nope, not in 2021, no way in hell.

Note to self: I Accidentally made the mistake of watching the news this morning and that was a mistake I'll need to be careful of as the world is ape shit nuts now and nothing to do with my little world I exist in. Only the Weather and then back to my science fiction channel. If I'm going to recover I'm gonna need to sort of shield myself is the best way to put it from what is going on and what is upcoming as I have to start the "process" again. While I can't close my eyes once open, I can install a "psyche firewall program" to block/filter unhealthy incoming connections, and I will work on my outgoing connection as well as I make my way through this life.

OK: Firewall ON today and will proceed with safety and some protection today.

[Ponder]

Firewall Popup - C:\program files (X86)\Name\Ponder ... Permission to enter please?

This time it is I that can say I resonate with what you have said. I'm not sure if you live in a multi story complex Sal, and I don't mean to ask too many questions but just trying to picture your situation. I hope you at least have a balcony if not on bottom floor and if on the bottom hoping you have a patch of grass?