Welcome to the Anxiety Forum - A Home for Those with Anxiety, Fear, or Panic Attacks.
Page 2 of 106 FirstFirst 12341252102 ... LastLast
Results 11 to 20 of 1060
  1. #11
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2013
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    6,877
    BIG BREATH -

    GOALS -

    Do my best to control my pain and be nice to Mother In-law (in-LAW???) I think sometimes our laungauge is really fucked up.
    Hmmm -> Start with kitchen!

    Look after my chaffing - play it smart so I can keep MOVING! ...

    Ring my wife and be Nice to her as well - Her Mum is comming - Good time for them both to heal, given recent stress on both sides there.
    Prepare for the all the Relgious Talk - OMG - drops to the floor ......

    Dave - You really have to take that camera for a walk man! -> on one of those mindfulness walks.

    Shit -> Best make some space for Mum In-Law.

    OK ------ Your Awesome Dave! - YOU CAN DO THIS! -

  2. #12
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2013
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    6,877
    So far so good -

  3. #13
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2013
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    6,877
    So what's today's agenda going to be.

    climatization and high stress levels are not making this clammy burning sensation between my legs any more comfortable. This really seems to be impacting on my ability to push the exercise. I hate to say it, but I may just have to be content with gentle walking and sorting out all my other shit; perhaps even wait for the weather to cool in the months ahead. SIGH!

    The wife and her Mother seem to be getting along good. I'm actually thankful for a much needed break myself. When she arrived, I think it was obvious that my mental condition has declined somewhat since having seen Mother in-law some time ago. Many years and at the cost of detrimental and declining contact with her grandchildren; has it taken for such in-laws to accept me as I be. Their own pursuits can not replace such misfortune as is the only term such blissfully seekers can comprehend.
    __________________________________________________ _______

    To let the BS fling and pass me by - I do so as I contemplate the pharmaceutical guy who casually comments "So you've moved into this wonderful part of the world hey - whereabouts did you BUY" Pfffffft ... about as tactful as some pompous doctors who's never met you "So what line of work you in!"

    "I'm just a meagre renter" eventually came my reply. To add insult to injury, the lady I presumed to be his wife, then comes out with a can of air freshener to spray at flies. "Hahahah" I LOL "Don't worry love, I'll be out of your hair soon!"

    There would be no avoiding this place as it be a contractor for Australian Post - Not only was I there picking up pain killers for my wife's post op, but also my Chinese Low Bow and set of arrows to which Mother in-law was quite surprised. LOL . None the less - I was content to think how much my wife's MS refrigerated meds would of been worth. I'll just drive elsewhere knowing it's enough that I'll just support those more willing to treat others with respect. That way, I should be less contentious when gong back in for our postal supplied. I'll be sure to arrive just after hitting my treadmill and bring my own can of spray for them mans wife. "here, allow me!" chuckles to think.
    __________________________________________________ _

    HMMMMMMMMMMM

    Goals Goals Goals :::

    I really want to find someone to come to the doctors with me. I don't wish to replay my outbursts or even the above basic demeaning we humans inadvertantly target each other with. I guess I have had a laugh about the fuckwits who own the chemist up on the hill between the two towns, but Doctors the way they be now in a world full of pain -> that changes my tone as just done.
    Doctors and Drug Dealers whom act more like Turnkeys (Screws in a prison) Key holders whom when pushed and tired themselves cause more pain the good. Who the fuck am I going to get to come with me; lest I yet again - dig my own grave!

    Makes me think way back when moving house yet again, how some JW or Mormon pair offered to actually help us with some of the heavy lifting. "Just give us a call" they said. If not for all those damn attachments such charity I would go on to fostered what ever good remain in me. I'd clearly give back 10 fold - but so sad that unless it comes with anything less than obedience plus undercurrents of fear and yearnings to worship, that such help is quickly withdrawn later on. With a dusting of their feet they brand you unworthy not unlike the non religious types who so too - are only in it for the gaining.
    _________________________________________________

    God damn hand cuffs! - Only way those professionals listen. Not allowed to suffer unless you ON ... such and such ... No fucking wonder people explode!

    Takes a deep breath - My only friend the Sun which is now at a good point in which to greet me. Must find some group that can help me before next doc visit. That Community Mental Health clinic is on the same day as my dreaded 2nd doctors appointment. (also such places are baed more on compliance than actual symptoms.) (DO NOT SETTLE FOR UNCARING AND MECHANICAL DOCTORS) Chill ...
    Last edited by Ponder; 01-24-2014 at 02:00 PM.

  4. #14
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2013
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    6,877
    WARNING -> HIVES! ...even cirrhosis/Psoriasis -> Major Skin Disorders FROM -->Quetiapine/Seroquel. More so coming off them! NO fucking wonder I have been climbing the walls. I thought it was fleas weeks ago, however after dong all the right things and moving house, I was not satisfied with nailing the source of all my scratching. Last resort I research Hives & Quetiapine/Seroquel. BINGO. You want find it under a basic Side effects search, however specifically searching in relation to HIVES has brought up various forum users here and there with additional notes as well.

    Lower Legs for many, as is for me. I find my shoes and socks can set it off as we as a gentle breeze across my hairs triggering a sensation of creepy crawly's across my skin; hence always thinking its insects of some sort. Apparently natural antihistamine levels are screwed with in the same way all these meds fuck the body's capacity to make it's own natural balance of things. Other than Reactions - it's the reliance on these meds that's imprisons the individual, as coming off them is where most of the angst begins. I am taking antihistamines for now and will be weening myself of them as time goes by. Man it's been Pure Hell with all the itching and rashes. With regard to all of this going on, I am not discounting the area of effect between my legs!

    Ar yes -> As much as bane as the hives themselves. My skin in some places is finding it hard to breath - much more than the usual open spots covered up with poorly selected materials and infrequent airings. My present war on DOCTORS & MEDICATION is far from over. I will be fucked if I'll roll over and comply to such BS dismissals and selected hearing! The insanity that plagues my head is more resultant from the provided services and this thing they dare, to call a Civilization. The quality of professional resultant from the now numerous hi tech and cereal packaged universities, has really created a jack of all trades and master of none! These days, self Diagnoses is not such a bad idea. Most of us would do better to avoid the lot and only call up supposed humanitarian serviced in extreme life threatening situations.
    __________________________________________________ ________________________
    _____________________________
    _____

    Moving on ... Well Mother in-law goes home today. I'm quite pleased to report things went well - LOL imagine that - Not all doom and gloom after all! Ponder - why you sound like your making ground. Must be all that realism and free expression hey? Wink wink - fucking Oath - Fucking A! Embrace the suffering my friend!

    The deeper side is, that when I heard her holler, whilst I was out back in the shed with air compressor on the go - I immediately shut the thing down and headed over for a much needed hug regardless of who was calling. Basically met her on the step to which my wife broke that damn leg! All in all things went well on that front. Because of all the help we received I was able to complete building a safe indoor archery target range for my Son & I.

    Now that's a project I'm really proud of! My Son and I can spend less time fighting each other but instead have much more fun as it should be. Not exactly impressed that he lifted not one finger to help me, but that's my boy and I really don't mind. Just glad we can zone out together shooting arrows safely into the shed. Most impressed I was with the shabby man at the recycling tip; that I saw much of myself in - "arrrr - good plan, the carpet is only shit, you can have the lot for TEN dollar ..." - "THANK YOU! Thanks man - - woops, that is a man under all that grime; is it not???" I graciously said then quickly thought. LOL - I was so happy to finally be given a break - I could care less who the fuck was about.

    __________________________________________________ ____

    I cleaned out my computer and reinstalled - going to play evil video games and have fun with Son -

    Will also get some Sun and possibly if able exercise some more - have been very active all the same.

    Until next post - Take care of yourself DAVE
    Last edited by Ponder; 01-25-2014 at 02:16 PM.

  5. #15
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2013
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    6,877
    Big effort today!

    Drench session on the treadmill. Worked up a whole 5 minutes trotting without stopping. repeated and rinsed 5 times with a gradual drop off with a few one to two minutes casual walking in between. Chaffing and Heat/Sweat rash between legs was not so bad today, so I decided to make the most of it by hitting the treadmill since my previous attempts where still within "range". Really had to dig deep and whilst 5 minutes may sound like nothing to some young spiffy buck - It was one hell of a push that left me somewhat breathless. It was uncomfortably good!

    I'm hoping if I am able to curb the Hives and other skin issues relating to coming off the Psychiatric Meds - that I will be able to continue pushing myself hard on the treadmill with the passing days and sweat the POISON out. Tear my body down cell by cell and force it to make new unadulterated 100% all natural chemicals - regardless of the instability such raw emotions are so commonly written off as.
    __________________________________________________ ___________________________________

    That being exercise with a genuine intent - coupled with following up on my previous clinical Psychologist recommendation and reference - I should still be within my rights to both request and receive yet another 12 month mental health plan. Even the police that where called out advised me that would be best. ALAS - Some fucking DOCTOR I don't know - has already raised the issue on Meds and reacted with a fucked up attitude as I say "NO" "NO I'm not taking the Meds!" Who the fuck are these doctors to act like fucking GODS when it comes to such requests. Psychotherapy I rate much more effective and less detrimental. It is in essence the larger part of my stability. To hear some fucking Idiot dressed in a suit with a fucking degree stuck on his wall --- WHO THE FUCK DOES NOT KNOW ME - act like his or her shit don't stink ... GRRRRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

    OK - hows this:
    Print this out:

    FACTS:
    And read out - FACTS:

    1. Just granted a Disability Support Pension -> Go fucking figure!

    2. Clinical Psychologist from previous address, has organized an new Contact for ongoing Psychotherapy - Dr Bla Bla -->(ring to get formal contact details)

    3. Police intervention (job number bla bla) just prior to my move - also recommend ongoing psychotherapy

    4. This is my second doctors visit because the last doctor seemed to have an issue with the fact I was not on my Meds. That session ended badly! No I am not currently on my Meds. This topic I DISCUSS with those I TRUST. Typically a therapist (not so clinically cold to my case - such as is your predisposition, currently to me) I am no longer taking the Quetiapine/Seroquel because of the massive weight gains and following medical complications I suffer as a result. The medicine did help me at the time from spiraling into borderline paranoia and was prescribed by a psychiatrist at the base hospital. Currently I am making good gains with exercise, healthy doses of Sun and as of today made contact with the local community mental health Services. I am also eating much better for now. I have also weened myself off the anti-depressants as per discussed with my therapist. In fact, everything I do with regards to my medication - I discuss with my therapist and it has been agreed, that if indeed, psychotherapy, exercise, outdoor activity and healthy eating - combined later with community integration when I am able - does in fact take a positive turn, that I am within my right to have a break from taking medications full time!

    TODAY I am here to request a 12 month mental health plan as is expected of me, by other agencies. I believe I am well within my rights and am not here to debate my medications with you!

    Now are going to to fucking help or not!
    __________________________________________________ ________________________________________

    Yea ---- I think that about covers it. No doubt I will have to make some edits to that - Hmmmmm - I really should try and get someone to come with me. Wife still out of actions for up to minimum 8 weeks!

    I have that appointment with the mental health services, but it's on the same day as that upcoming docs appointment in two days. Also as I said earlier - I kind of detected a little Authoritarian in her voice which Is rather aggravating for me. Shame how they turn to using such a tone so easily - but then that's the bane of meeting people cold. I don't do well at all with first time visits and am terrible with the revolving door staff counter types so commonly used in main stream. SIGH - The purpose of that visit will be to list whatever groups I can try. And try I will! - I don't do Drugs, Drink and nor out for a fucking free ride! That's the problem with STIGMA - and those doctors who think they be the judges who hold the keys. That fucking drives me wild!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! More and more people ought to stand up to those professional stand over merchants. The abuse that goes on with the weak, sick and disabled is rampant as hell behind with such entrusted types. Get em In - Get em Out! This will be my last Bulk Billing Session if it pans out like the last gutter clinic's pathetic service.
    __________________________________________________ _____

    On another note - why bother with being so open on such things - Obviously I am stressing quite a bit and feeling so LOW - so unworthy - insecure - and all those others pathetic me me me - That's how doctors make me feel, when they try and judge me - I mean Jesus Fucking Christ! - You'd think they would be more against people trying to get on drugs as opposed to getting off them. What's the fucking world coming too!

    It's a personal thing - Piss them off and watch how easily they make your life hell - make you beg - Now that's the fucking truth with those students ones - opinionated ones - bulk billing ones -
    ___________________________________
    Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

    Awesome - That felt good! Just like me treadmill run!!!!!

    If you can't tell - I HATE FUCKING DOCTORS. Tis such an imperfect world. Whatever you do - Don't Get Sick - once you do, your fucked for life! Two a day, with your meal - best of luck coming off them.

    The expelling continues ... plenty of sweat to come - It's good to be breathing - better than being dead I guess. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm. It's like getting up a good sweat!
    Last edited by Ponder; 01-26-2014 at 03:00 AM.

  6. #16
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2013
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    6,877
    Ultra sensitive on a hair tiger. I know. It's terrible how some people can see you quavering and yet give you that ever so deceptive smug smile as if intended to send you over the edge. That's what one of the lady doctors did, at that last place when I had a pannic attack and flipped out. These are the kind of doctors I am talking about. Very Very fucking Sad Indeed! No paranoia there, it's just appropriate for them to claim such a thing. Pffft - Imperfect world - yea right! I never forget that when people look at others like that. I wonder if others know from where I talk?

    Good Night to my sick friends out there - whom they ever be. I see the counter ticking over and that at least makes me feel better for being read. I don't claim anything other than what's spinning in my head. I make no wrongs or rights - is whatever the fuck it is.

    Good Night. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzz
    Last edited by Ponder; 01-26-2014 at 03:09 AM.

  7. #17
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2013
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    6,877
    WELL -I actually think I may do better at the next doc's trip. Pays to let it out I guess. Moving On ... MOTIVATION -> The meds have their uses but rarely are they looked at beyond the control we expect them to bring. Been on and off enough to know now that for all their good comes a compromise of one sort or another. There is however one constant that seems to be a fact, that when on any for long enough a point will come in which without any input from oneself; a tipping point will be reach in which the good becomes the trap.

    Looking for happy moments built on the encouragement of others, means nothing if it does not first come from within. As well meaning as it all may be - it's easy to give advice, but harder to follow your own.
    __________________________________________________ _____________________________________________

    Now it is, that I will show my Location as I stand and take the following snap from "the" front door. The house depicted is adjacent the house which we now rent. I'm pleased to report that sea breeze is doing wonders for my health. Looks as if High tide is in. I will include a couple of others shooting from the same location with an old low quality refactor "telescope @ FL 550mm/AP 90mm more meant for stargazing than anything else. No Photoshop yet as just reinstalled and quality set to it's lowest point. Hopefully I will get back into taking some stunning shots soon enough.

    For now - this is my Point Of View. I'll often walk out just to take in the air. This township is quite small although still have neighbors which I guess is a small price to pay for such a view and clean air.



    Same location. Shot over the top of car parked across road with satellite dish still in view.


    Again - Same boat moments later ...

    I typically walk at another location further up around the beach as it bends. This spot is to close for me - I just enjoy the breeze. Further up I'll enter a spot and look to come out at low tide where the water retracts for near a kilometer or thereabouts. I might fish later on, but only from the sand however for now, I would rather just take out my camera and share those shots in here. I'll install Photoshop and think further on just what it is I want to share. Ripples, shells, and all those things I believe typically become faded with time and complacency. I would often contemplate how it is that others would no doubt think, "how on earth can someone just keep shooting the same thing" -

    I'll see how I go fishing with my camera - not sure I will do many lens changes with the wind and sand, but guess I'll sort something out.
    __________________________________________________ __________________________

    Now back to the BS - SIGH - breath breath breath..................

  8. #18
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Location
    Suffolk England
    Posts
    605
    What a wonderful spot Dave, I love the palm trees! looking forward to seeing more pictures thankyou.

  9. #19
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Location
    St. Louis, MO
    Posts
    287
    great pictures! the beach has always been my happy place. post some more often! good luck with everything coming up, stay strong

  10. #20
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Location
    East Coast, USA
    Posts
    3,690
    Someday that will be my type view

    Marco island Florida fishing the flats everyday

    Oh, yeah it snowed again today here in my reality
    "Y'all didn't have to shoot me" ~ Harambe

 

 

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •