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thatright
03-16-2012, 02:47 PM
Hello everyone

Hope you are all well. I'd really like some advice please.

My friend and I used to be good friends. Talk on the phone to each other etc. Then it stopped because he became isolated and lost contact with all his friends. He suffers with Social Anxiety and Schizo-affective Disorder. His isolation has caused him a lot of depression and stress. He rarely goes out. Doesn't answer the door or phone to anyone. The only contact he has is with his parents on a three week gap.

We haven't spoken to each other for 18 months. I have sent him a letter once a month and send a text/phone call once every two weeks. I do this because I value his friendship and love him very much.

A year ago, he had a breakdown. When I rang his mobile phone, I got the message, You have dialed an incorrect number. Please check the number and redial. I got very concerned but two weeks later, I dialed the number again. The phone was working.

Six months ago, I went to his flat and became friends with his neighbour. I got very concerned and wanted to know how he was. The neighbour gave me some insight about my friend. Saying he doesn't have anyone come see him and he is extremely isolated. He took my details and informed me he would get in touch the moment he sees my friend. That same day, I was very lucky to knock on his front door and talk to him. My friend didn't answer the door but he was listening.

That evening, his mum rang me to let me know my friend was ok. He wouldn't speak to me on the phone because he was very shy. Laughing and blushing. My friend doesn't have much experience with women. So he blushes and gets shy when I make contact. She did say I could contact her again to find out how he is doing.

After that call, he didn't contact me. I knew with his fear/anxiety he wouldn't. This was six months ago. Since then, I have done the same - one letter a month.

Three months ago, I tried to phone his mobile phone and the same message that happened a year ago. You have dialed an incorrect number. Please try the number and redial. Left it a few months and tried his phone number again last night and it's still the same.

I am feeling worried and going out of my mind. I'm really worried about him. I don't know why his phone is saying the same thing? Especially three months on.

I am having thoughts like what if he has commited sucide? What if he is ill? His mother isn't supportive towards him. When he gets ill, no one is there. His dad comes but I only have his mum's number.

Can someone please advise me please?

anxiousmess
03-16-2012, 03:47 PM
hiya.
your friends sounds like he is in a bad place right now and you seem like a very supportive friend - if only he would let you be!
try not to worry yourself so much over this situation.
is there no possible way, you could contact his mother, or even his neighbour and try and get his dads number?

if you say he talks through the door - or even just listens. then would it be possible to strike up a relationship like that?
i know it might feel weird at first, but eventually he might come round and finally let you in!

you say you love him very much and value his friendship - did you have a relationship with him?

i am sorry this might come across as rude - but i'm just looking from both angles ...hence my first bit of advice!
could you perhaps be a bit obsessed with this person?
there are always two sides to every story - and i don't know his side. so i really am sorry if what i am saying is completely wrong. but could it not be time to just cut your losses and move on?

thatright
03-16-2012, 03:53 PM
Hi

Thanks for the replie. No, I understand your view. No, I didn't have a relationship with my friend. He was there for me when I was in a really bad place. I promised him, I would stick by him whenever he needed me. The thing with my friend is, when he gets ill. He doesn't reach out he just isolates. Low self esteem etc.

thatright
03-17-2012, 10:10 AM
thought i'd drop by on my way out here on this forum. thank you anxiousmess for making me feel like a stalker towards my friend. you have caused me anxiety and self doubt.

anxiousmess
03-17-2012, 11:36 AM
i am sorry you feel that way! that wasn't my intention in the slightest!

i tried helping you! i understand fullwell what i said, but that was simply down to the fact at how it came across! and to help you see it if that was the case. i never meant to cause any upset - hence the whole start of my post - which was my main focus:

your friends sounds like he is in a bad place right now and you seem like a very supportive friend - if only he would let you be!
try not to worry yourself so much over this situation.
is there no possible way, you could contact his mother, or even his neighbour and try and get his dads number?

if you say he talks through the door - or even just listens. then would it be possible to strike up a relationship like that?
i know it might feel weird at first, but eventually he might come round and finally let you in!

i even apologised whilst writing my second bit of advice, as i know how it may come across.
i don't think there is any need for you to take your own feelings out on me though!

Meche
03-17-2012, 12:44 PM
I agree. I understand how concerned you must be about your friend but maybe what he needs right now is just some time/space to sort himself out. Maybe contacting somebody who is close to him to check he is alright will give you peace of mind. At the end of the day he knows where you are when/if he needs you. xx