I hate my life

[okami1995]

I really, really hate my life at the minute. I've got nothing to do, I'm so bored, and I'm so anxious. I keep being anxious about my every thought it seems, constantly being ashamed of past events, hating myself over minute details. I'm sick and tired of it all. This isn't life, this is just an existence, a hellish existence. Why can't this stupid anxiety leave me the f*ck alone. I never did anything to get this anxiety, yet it constantly persists. I hate existing at this current time.

[Meche]

I can relate to this. I'm bored with my job and life in general and never having enough money to do things and it's a huge part of what has caused my anxiety. I go through the motions every day and like you say it's an existence. I haven't always made the right decisions in life and I sometimes wonder how it would be if I'd taken a different path. I know it's not good to dwell but......!!! I'm desparate to make changes but not sure where to start. You and I are the only ones who can do it. xx

[panicked24_7]

I can relate. I just did a blog entry on this "existing" business. I heard a quote several years ago that has stuck with me..."I choose to live, not to just exist." Any time I'm having a particularly bad time with anxiety, this becomes my mantra. We can let anxiety win every day and become reclusive and victimized by this. Or we can choose to say f*ck it and help ourselves. It's a lot easier said than done, I know. Trust me, I struggle every day to find joy in what I do. But I'm working towards something better. Coming on to these boards is a step in the right direction. And there are PLENTY of people on here that know exactly how you feel. Meche said it....we're the only ones that can change ourselves. We can't expect change to just come to us. Nothing comes easy....actually I should say nothing worth anything comes easy. We're all here to support each other.

[jessed03]

'The goal of life is not happiness. It’s living.' - Xian Choo

This was a quote that always stuck in my mind. Most of us have been in your position Okami, and we want to listen, and to help if we have a small chance to. It can be very bad right now, but keep your head up. We can walk so long through the darkness, that our heads drop, and we look down. We walk like this for so long, that we miss the sun actually rising. Keep growing day to day. Keep getting lots of sunlight, keep educating yourself, on anything that excites you, and get social contact. You can even be in complete silence, walking around, but your body will at least sense others. When it comes to overcoming challenges... Go as far as you can see today. Once you get there, goes as far as you can see from there. Each day you will change a little. Little by little a person goes far.

Focus not so much on the how you will live, or the why you will live, as these are not living. Focus not so much on the how I used to live, how I think I'll live, or how I'll hope to live, as these are not living. It makes no sense to become obsessed with your idea of living, and miss out on actual living. You don't need ideas on how you need or want it to be. Snow needs no words. It would still be cold even if we were mute.
A tool will never be useful unless you have learnt to use it. A positive circumstance is of no use to you if you haven't learnt to see positivity everywhere. Positivity, no matter where you are, or how you feel is all around you. When you have learnt to see it, you realize your positive experience was always there with you after all.

That's the only secret you ever need to know in life. What you see, depends only on what you look for. If you look for answers within your mind, suddenly all you will find is more mind. If you look to life for an answer, you will find there are no answers, because there are no questions...There's only life. Don't worry about a tomorrow. Double your bets on today.

When it comes to changing your life, to curing anxiety, to finding happiness; a watched kettle never boils. It seems to go on endlessly. When you focus completely on something else, something you enjoy, and that more importantly brings somebody else joy,whatever that may be, anything, you'll find that the whistle of the boil makes you jump, and you realize you forgot all about boiling it. Throw yourself so deeply into something that puts joy inside your heart, and peace and happiness will one day tap you on the shoulder, and say 'We are here', and you will politely say 'Welcome, I will be with you shortly, but I am just doing....'

[PanicCured]

I have felt all those things before that you posted Okami. Stress can really build up and explode in our faces. It seems like there is no way out and you will never feel good again. Then at some point things calm down, and you forgot how bad you felt and then you're ok again. Then you can't imagine what it was like to feel so bad. Then you feel bad again and think it will never be good. As you grow spiritually you learn to take things lighter and not get so carried away.

Things are good, Okami. Despite all the problems in your life, somewhere things are good in your head. Some part of you knows things are ok and you could be happy. You just got to access it.