really need some support

[jenny111]

Hi, all. I have been lurking about here for awhile and decided to post today. i really need some support. i need someone to tell me that it's gonna be ok. i am 34 years old and have had anxiety my whole life. i have had a really tough year and many episodes of anxiety. this time it doesn't seem to want to go away. everyone is sick of me being sick. i am very sick of being sick, too. i lost my dad a year ago, followed one month later by my maternal grandmother and then one month later my paternal grandmother passed. 3 important people in my life in a 3 month span. it has been terribly hard and i have considered going to see a grief counselor but the thought of opening myself up that way is traumatizing. every time the phone rings, i bug out thinking that someone is calling to tell me that another loved one has died. i've tried talking to my mom but i hate to upset her anymore. she seems to be coping much better than i. my husband is always there to listen but unfortunately i am a broken record and i can see it in his face when i bring it up again. i have been on zoloft for about 8 years and also take xanax periodically as needed. nothing is helping. i can't eat, can only sleep if i take an over the counter sleep aid, and i feel like my job and all of my relationships are suffering. every morning for the last two weeks i have been throwing up. i wake up and then i throw up. no fun. these are all symptoms that i have suffered with before and have somehow managed to get thru. this time, not so much. i just need some help, advice, kind words--anything to get me outta this state i am in. thanks.

[anxiousmess]

hiya. first off, you aren't alone. the majority of people on these boards are suffering from anxiety - if not, then they have before.
you have already made the first step by coming on here! this is good therapy in itself! i would suggest that you went to see a therapist though.
you don't need to open up right away. you could just go for a chit chat, kind of thing. gain their trust first. it will all come out in time!
obviously you are dealing with anxiety, but it could be depression that is the dominant one here. they both go hand in hand either way. but i find my anxiety is ALOT harder to deal with when i am depressed - or even stressed.
get everything out on these boards if need be, before you go further. you might not even need any extra help after you let it all go.
a stranger is a lot easier to talk to than someone close to you. especially over the internet!
whatever you decide to do, i hope you manage to get through this as i know how hard it is!

[vonnhelsing]

jenny111,
First of all, sorry for your losses, my deepest condolences.
It is totally understandable what you're going through at the moment. You are depressed. Who wouldn't be, losing their loved ones. But life goes on and yes, grieving is part of the healing process and that's what you're going through now. You've had anxiety for a long time as well so that's adding to the depression ever more than it would for a person that doesn't have anxiety. I know it's hard but it's time for you to accept what has happened. Try not to be on your own during this difficult time. Talk to your friends and talk to us on here. We all have similar experiences. Everything will get better in time. Keep your chin up and take care of yourself!