Living by external influences...

[ksmow]

It's become apparent to me that my "inner state", or "frame of mind" is highly dependent on what *I think* people think of me. As a result it's very difficult for me to function in social situations and get a girlfriend. This burdens me in my office workplace as well.

For instance, I work in an office and frequently interact with various people. There are certain personality types I'll feel very insecure around, and others I click with amazingly. I can range from being completely outgoing to the shyest insecure person in the world depending on how I perceive myself.

When I meet someone, it's almost as if I'm constantly assessing my value on a second to second basis during the encounter. Once I realize the person is really cool and I want to become friends with them, I often take on this self-deprecating mindset where I subconsciously convince myself they're too good for me. From there I obviously sabotage it! I wear various personalities depending on the type of person I'm dealing with. I need continuous validation from people to feel confident and worthy it seems.

Can any of you relate to this? Have you done anything that helps? Being a hypersensitive person, I'm tempted to just find a drug that would just kill my nervous system.

Additional
I just want to add that I'm hyper sensitive, anxiety prone, paranoid, insecure, and neurotic! 25 years old and have never had a girlfriend.

[alankay]

Ksmow, yeah I would say what you describe is fairly typical of someone with Social Anxiety. I have it but not the same. It was worse before I got some treatment.
I was the same way, when I knew someone and was comfy with them I could be myself and clown around even in groups. What used to get me and still does to a much lesser degree is when I'm around a woman I'm really attracted to I get tongue tied and nervous. Very self conscious too. In fact I didn't really date until after college.
Beside just experience the things that help me most to break out of my little cycle were a beta blocker(reduces tremor/racing hear) and an SSRI which makes me feel less self conscious. I fact it helps me worry, think too much(obsess) way less and kind of put me or a healthier trajectory. The less I worried the less I anticipated issues and the less I had them the less I worried, etc.
I think you really are honest with yourself and want to get some info. on changing and getting better. That's a big part of it.
Are you seeing a M.D. now? GP or pdoc? I would consider talking to them about all your feelings/symptoms and ask about an SSRI like zoloft. If you get bad tremor/shaking ask about a beta blocker like propranolol maybe 20-40mg an hour before social events. If tremor/shaking is not an issue disregard that. Know this is a common issue(Social Anxiety) and most docs really have a clue on treating it. For me the meds allowed my to polish some social skills and get desensitized to talking to people including women. Now I need them much less than before.
So if you've done all you can and are still spinning your wheels, ask about a trial of zoloft, say 25mg for two weeks and then go to 50mg and give it at least 4-6 weeks. It helped me. If you don't like it or it doesn't, help drop it. That one is easy to stop(most are really). Tapering off is best to avoid effects of discontinuation but I've never had any to speak of.
If you're opposed to meds all the way I wish you luck finding other things to help including a psychologist. PM me any time. Alankay.

[ksmow]

I think you really are honest with yourself and want to get some info. on changing and getting better. That's a big part of it.
Are you seeing a M.D. now? GP or pdoc? I would consider talking to them about all your feelings/symptoms and ask about an SSRI like zoloft.
I am completely honest with myself. Sometimes I wonder if my over-awareness is the root of my problems! I don't see any therapists because I don't trust them. I've never been on medication because the side effects and potential long-term use harm scares me. I would rather take something on an "as-needed" basis such as before going out. I had a physical checkup a few weeks ago and the assistant strongly recommended that I get on SSRIs. I don't like the sound of it but maybe I can skid by on a really low dosage.


Know this is a common issue(Social Anxiety) and most docs really have a clue on treating it. For me the meds allowed my to polish some social skills and get desensitized to talking to people including women. Now I need them much less than before. If you're opposed to meds all the way I wish you luck finding other things to help including a psychologist. PM me any time. Alankay.
I can probably talk myself into trying meds as long as I can convince myself it would only be temporary until I get on my feet. Of course the side effects can't be too severe either. In reality though, I feel like if I simply had a better social life a lot of my problems would go away. Living in isolation lets me spend way too much time in my head. As a result I've become neurotic and somewhat insane.

From experience, positive social encounters are probably one of the best drugs for me. Back a couple weeks ago I met a cute girl on NYE. We spent most of the night together and I felt amazing for 3 days afterwards in isolation. I think having a social circle with friends who I actually want to be friends with would fix a lot of my problems but it seems impossible to do.

[alankay]

Ksmow, a beta blocker could be used only "as needed" as well as a benzo. To be cautious with the med just start at 25 mgs of zoloft and stay there for the length of the trial of the med(normal dose is 50mg). A doc would support you doing this as many are concerned(for what ever reason) about SSRI's and going low dose still can help with pretty much no or little side effects that would quickly pass with that low dose anyway.
But know this, all the SSR"s were developed from..................common anti-histamines(runny nose med). A doc had a cold go through his pysch ward back in the 60's and he put his patients are an anti-histamine for a short time just to help them be more comfy. He just happened to noticed some depressed patients brightened up and anxious ones settled down a bit.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diphenhydramine Read under "Pharmacology".
http://www.crazyboards.org/forums/index.php/topic/7564-over-the-counter-antihistamines-act-as-ssri/
http://www.antihistamine.com/antihistamine.html
I'm just saying don't be spooked by these as the media sure had a field day reporting on these. So yeah, I say a temporary course of 25mg of zoloft for 6 months can be tried to see how you benefit and desensitize yourself and then taper off by going by taking 1/2 a tab for 1 or 2 weeks and then stopping it. Ask about using a beta blocker and a little benzo only "as needed". If you drink I'd skip or take a real low dose of the benzo as you might be a touch drowsy. I always skip it(benzo) since a few drinks calms me any way!:) I never have had any real "problems" with any SSRI but they do take a few weeks to work. So I also strongly recommend a trial of 25mg of zoloft. It's dirt cheap in generic as are the others I mentioned, well at least that''s a plus.:) PM me any time. Alankay.

[IndependentJenn]

I wouldnt say meds are going to be the answer but I am not a doctor. However I would def see a counselor. Something in your mind has made a habit out of saying I am not good enough or they wont like me. That habit has to change if you want to change. Counselors have done wonders for me and breaking some of my habits. At least you recognize the issues, thats the first step:) Good luck and btw i am a good looking 25 yr old, but don't get nervous I am really nice and well taken!