i dont know what to do

[callmeshady]

i am what i am. i want to be who i am. and im proud of who i am deep down but i never show it. i hate getting picked on and being called a "fa*it" cause im a little weird. and i have social anxiety somtimes and just very tense and uncomforatble and somtimes scared or terrified of social situations. im so fustrated i just wanna be a social butterfly and be happy and not be so weird or shy or reserved. i wanna be myself and i want respect. i hate this feeling of not being able to think logically or rationally. i also have low self-esteem and i shouldnt because i have everything goin for me.im goodlooking and actually a pretty funny guy and deep at heart im easy going and carefree but infront of everyone else i look like an idiot and weird and messed up and retarded. i feel like i have a disease. i want to tell everyone to go sucka d*** and eat my s*** because i dont wanna be afraid anymore, i dont wanna be afraid of people and i dont wanna be afraid of my life or responsiblities. i dont wanna be afraid of growing up. im a normal person and im gonna get the respect i want one day..you could all bite me if you don't like me becuase im just misunderstood...im gonna find who i am and know who i am and be who i am. and thats all. except i dont know what to do if this problem persists anymore. im cynically deppresed and socially retarded. help me...give me advice please. im suffering in my own mind. and this all happend because the way i was raised, the way my parents treated me and what i went through..all the judgement and the riducle and being differnt and feeling like an outsider. help me :x

[Jeordie]

Hi man,

I...feel you. I don't know what to say really. I feel like you do many times. I want the respect, and I try to think I don't give a shit of what people thinks. I feel misunderstood, and I try to think it's their problem. I feel normal but sometimes people perceive me in a way I hate - retarted or whatever. I still try to think it's their problem. The thing is, I'm hating a lot of people these way. And hate doesn't make my life fine.

Don't think of the past, don't think about your parents and their mistakes. What happened happened, now you have your life to live, your potential to fulfil.
Good luck. There is a way to make it somewhere.

[jitters]

Don't give up on people there not all bad.. although sometimes it may appear they are. If they cant take you for who you are they are not worthy of your attention ignore them and find some real freinds. Try to live in the now and treat everyone as an individual.

"Today is a gift, thats why they call it the present"

Duncan

[jitters]

God that sounded preachy reading it back don't read too much into that. "Just try too live life one day at a time" thats what my Doc used to say maybe thats the best advice anyone can give.

[Jessica]

I totally feel what you're going through. It's been affecting me for years. I want to be normal and be social with other people, but for some reason I just can't, and when I try I always end up looking retarded. Now, at my new job I'm starting to get the same shit. "Why don't you speak up when you have questions?" "Why are you so scared?". I end up looking like a loner and a weirdo. Hang in there though. Maybe something good will come your way. : )