Suicide

[kevin]

I thought it was gone but the panic and anxiety came back full force, like a horse-kick to the face.

Honeslty...sometimes I wonder if death is worse than living like this every day, and if I die will my soul have anxiety and panic disorder too? Am I doomed to have this fucking condition for eternity? Having this fucking anxiety, panic attacks, really outrageous thoughts that aren't even scary but scare the fuck out of me, having no concept of reality, wondering how I even control my own bodily functions, feelings like I'm dying or have a deadly disease, thinking I'm going to die or I am losing my mind, not having control of my own mind, not being able to relax, turning to alcohol, having to take pills, not even being able to GO OUTSIDE without fearing a panic attack which brings on a panic attack, wondering if other people are like me and have their own lives and thoughts, thinking a breath I take is going to be my last one, not being able to travel, constantly thinking about panic attacks and anxiety which makes it even worse, feeling useless, empty, like my life so far has gone unfulfilled, feeling like a loser, not enjoying the simple things like I used to, worrying about death, not being able to accomplish even the smallest of goals, not being able to do anything without at least thinking of a panic attack at least once, not being able to go 1 day without having anxiety or some kind of fucked up thoughts, predicting what is about to happen...like say i am about to go to the bathroom i will see in my head everything I'm about to do then I will freak out about it for some reason, asking lifes unanswered questions, walking to the store a block a way feels like I'm entering a world war, feeling light headed and dizzy all day long, not giving a crap about anything or anyone, caring too much, thinking too much, not being able to sleep because I'm scared I won't wake up or nightmares, being afraid of the sky...the SKY for fucks sake, always expecting the worst possible things to happen, always thinking and dwelling on worst case scenarios, wondering stupid things about my own body like how I'm breathing and how my hearts beating if I have no control of it.

I am getting fed up with this.

[amarkb]

You're having a bad day.

Tomorrow could be a good day.

You're not a loser. It takes a lot of bravery to just come online and type what you just did. Maybe you're at a turning point. Maybe this is as bad as it gets and it's onwards and upwards from here.

Your someone that thinks too much. All of us who get this are. That's not a bad thing, it's a good thing. Better someone who thinks too much than someone who thinks too little. We've just let our minds get into bad habits and we need to retrain them.

Have you had any counselling? It can really help if you get a good counsellor. I have just started some and it has helped me.

If you can't get any counselling keep using this forum and others like it. I need to keep talking about what I'm going through and when I hear from others who are going through the same it helps me stay rational.

It can be hard work staying positive and you need all your strength to do it.

Get plenty of sleep (with help if neccessary). Eat healthy stuff and don't drink.

People get over this and if they can, you can.

Keep in touch.

Adam

[MrsSandraD]

in this. You are definately not alone. Many people on here understand and totally relate to your feelings. Hang in there as tomorrow will likely be a better day. Maybe like the previous post said, you are having a bad day.

You are understood. We all care here. You are not alone. I fight with being alone all the time (at least FEELING alone) and I come on here, read some posts, type a few and it's like a therapy.

Can you do some exercises at home? Light a candle (a positive energy), sit back and just try to focus on the flame,,,,pushing out the negatives and try to bring in the light. May sound cooky to some but it really helps if you believe in energy.

oh, keep posting here again ok? We want to know what you are thinking.

[BIG HUGS TO YOU AND I'M SENDING YOU FEELING BETTER VIBES]

[leftie15]

Hey man you hit that right on the nose i was like you for along time i went through the same exact thing as you man did it beat me down hard i thought i would never get out its like a latter that your climbing that keeps getting longer then one day i finally reached the top i made it out of this and so can you there are plenty of success stories from people like us if u believe u can beat this than u can it can hold you back if you don't let its uncomfortable scary annoying frustrating but but in the end you will be stronger than ever keep fighting brother suicide ain't the way i thought it once but all normal people think bout it once and awhile your more normal than you think try and take it easy keep posting brotha

[thoughtfairy]

I thought it was gone but the panic and anxiety came back full force, like a horse-kick to the face.

Honeslty...sometimes I wonder if death is worse than living like this every day, and if I die will my soul have anxiety and panic disorder too? Am I doomed to have this fucking condition for eternity? Having this fucking anxiety, panic attacks, really outrageous thoughts that aren't even scary but scare the fuck out of me, having no concept of reality, wondering how I even control my own bodily functions, feelings like I'm dying or have a deadly disease, thinking I'm going to die or I am losing my mind, not having control of my own mind, not being able to relax, turning to alcohol, having to take pills, not even being able to GO OUTSIDE without fearing a panic attack which brings on a panic attack, wondering if other people are like me and have their own lives and thoughts, thinking a breath I take is going to be my last one, not being able to travel, constantly thinking about panic attacks and anxiety which makes it even worse, feeling useless, empty, like my life so far has gone unfulfilled, feeling like a loser, not enjoying the simple things like I used to, worrying about death, not being able to accomplish even the smallest of goals, not being able to do anything without at least thinking of a panic attack at least once, not being able to go 1 day without having anxiety or some kind of fucked up thoughts, predicting what is about to happen...like say i am about to go to the bathroom i will see in my head everything I'm about to do then I will freak out about it for some reason, asking lifes unanswered questions, walking to the store a block a way feels like I'm entering a world war, feeling light headed and dizzy all day long, not giving a crap about anything or anyone, caring too much, thinking too much, not being able to sleep because I'm scared I won't wake up or nightmares, being afraid of the sky...the SKY for fucks sake, always expecting the worst possible things to happen, always thinking and dwelling on worst case scenarios, wondering stupid things about my own body like how I'm breathing and how my hearts beating if I have no control of it.

I am getting fed up with this.

Those aren't the words of a 'loser'. Those are the words of someone who has incredible inner strength - you're going through the most testing times, but you've found the strength to keep pushing forward. Please don't give up hope.

[shsnj]

I understand your anguish over this, but I know from experience that getting so exasperated about this problem only digs the hole deeper. Taking it so seriously gives it renewed power. Asking how long this thing is going to last actually makes it last longer.

This sounds counterintuitive, but it's so important that we learn to accept the fact that we're feeling anxiety -- then console ourselves with the thought that it's ONLY anxiety. We'll feel bad for a time and we'll feel better later. It's not as big a deal as we make it (but we do make it a big deal and, accordingly, it becomes one).

The most helpful skill I've learned is to tell myself, "It's just anxiety. I'll feel like crap for a while, then I'll feel better. It will go away in its own time. In the meantime, I can tolerate some emotional discomfort."

Contrast that with the way I used to deal with it: "Oh, God, no! I'm getting anxious. I can't let myself be anxious, not NOW! This is terrible! I can't stand it!"

The latter self-talk makes the anxiety loom large, because I'm taking it so seriously.

Hang in there. There IS light at the end of the tunnel.

[Haley]

I thought it was gone but the panic and anxiety came back full force, like a horse-kick to the face.

Honeslty...sometimes I wonder if death is worse than living like this every day, and if I die will my soul have anxiety and panic disorder too? Am I doomed to have this fucking condition for eternity? Having this fucking anxiety, panic attacks, really outrageous thoughts that aren't even scary but scare the fuck out of me, having no concept of reality, wondering how I even control my own bodily functions, feelings like I'm dying or have a deadly disease, thinking I'm going to die or I am losing my mind, not having control of my own mind, not being able to relax, turning to alcohol, having to take pills, not even being able to GO OUTSIDE without fearing a panic attack which brings on a panic attack, wondering if other people are like me and have their own lives and thoughts, thinking a breath I take is going to be my last one, not being able to travel, constantly thinking about panic attacks and anxiety which makes it even worse, feeling useless, empty, like my life so far has gone unfulfilled, feeling like a loser, not enjoying the simple things like I used to, worrying about death, not being able to accomplish even the smallest of goals, not being able to do anything without at least thinking of a panic attack at least once, not being able to go 1 day without having anxiety or some kind of fucked up thoughts, predicting what is about to happen...like say i am about to go to the bathroom i will see in my head everything I'm about to do then I will freak out about it for some reason, asking lifes unanswered questions, walking to the store a block a way feels like I'm entering a world war, feeling light headed and dizzy all day long, not giving a crap about anything or anyone, caring too much, thinking too much, not being able to sleep because I'm scared I won't wake up or nightmares, being afraid of the sky...the SKY for fucks sake, always expecting the worst possible things to happen, always thinking and dwelling on worst case scenarios, wondering stupid things about my own body like how I'm breathing and how my hearts beating if I have no control of it.

I am getting fed up with this.


Wow you sound like me!!! I am not alone am I!!!

[missjonna25]

i hope one day things get better for you- and believe me i know how you feel, because everything you typed hits really close to home for me too. i guess you and me are really in the same boat, and even though thats not supposed to make you feel better, i guess it helps to know that you're not alone. keep fighting.

[hubbub]

Suicide is a permanant solution to a temporary problem.


You're going through bad times but things will be better soon like everyone is saying. You're really brave for putting up with this and deinfetly not a loser. I mean I definetly admire you for your strength. Think about all the good things in your life and focus on those.



Hope things look up for you soon



<Over and out>

[jitters]

I think it has all been said, take one day at a time my friend. Thoughts of suicide are normal. Just like other bad thoughts. Easy to avoid acting on it though. I couldn't kill myself if my life depended on it. LOL


The thought of suicide is a great consolation; one can get through many a bad night with it.
- Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

Duncan

[stressedntexas]

Man, that just about described my day everyday. I've had thoughts about death and being tired of dealing with the issues I have.

Since I joined the forum and read other's stories I've been coping much better than I ever have. Trust me, I still have my days, but by and large I am doing much better.

[tenacious G]

axietys never really gone unless u know why its gone and why u had it in the first place

[justbreathe]

Please dont worry youre going to be ok. Youre just going through a tough time in your life, it will pass. We are going to conquor this anxiety, its goint ot take work though but we can do it.

When things were intense like the way youre describing, I also turned to alcohol but that is definatley not the answer. How much and how often are you drinking? What pills?
From experience, that will definately not help the situation. I understand your frustration

Have you tried therapy? CBT?

[DarkCreeper]

Kevin,
I totally understand where you're coming from, my life is so similar to yours it's almost scary. Do you see a psychiatrist? If you don't you should. It takes time to find the medication that works for you. I've been seeing a psychiatrist for almost six months now, and am only beggining to find medication that works for me. I still drink everyday, and want to quit, but like I said finding what works takes time. I still haven't found all the answers to my problems, and don't expect to find them all anytime soon, but getting professional help is the best thing that I've ever done! If you don't already do this please do. Even if the medication doesn't help, sometimes it helps just to have someone to talk to! Good luck!

[Anxiety_joey86]

Hey, hang in there buddy, I have had suicidal thoughts because I view it as the only way to end my fucked up mind and avoid anybody getting hurt by me if I were to somehow go crazy like the people you see on the news and in films. However, having read up on here I have realised I am not the only person who has there mind bombarded with violent thoughts that scare the hell out of them. Now I just feel like an idiot for wasting my time worrying on such bullshit. Its all just superficial, its not real, they are not real problems because if you did actually have a real problem such as cancer or something then that would really be your only worry and your main concern and you would soon forget about everything else. My cousin used to have anxiety problems until she landed in Laos a 3rd world country, then she had a lot more things to think about and every little pathetic worry just vanished, its usually the case.
So please I no this sounds stupid but Stop Worrying, nobody is normal because if we all were the world would be boring.
(Sorry If I came across as quite harsh but anxiety really pisses me off!)

[kevin]

no i dont take medication

well, i do take 1 clonzepam on rare occasions when i need a temporary escape

i am afraid to try daily meds, because i tried zoloft and it gave me a horrible rash and allergic reaction, so i am worried that all SSRI's will give me an allergic reaction

i want to try paxil, or something else, but im scared to. i mean i was scared to take zoloft and that gave me a rash, now i wonder if i try paxil or somethign else will i get an even worse allergic reaction?