I really don't understand..

[Corsan]

Hello everyone, first time poster - I'm sure I'll be here again :).

I did a post in another anxiety forum a few months ago - and it was far too long; and understandably, people were put off reading haha. So I decided this time, I'm going to make it short in simple.


Have had anxiety since Last November
Didn't even KNOW what anxiety was until it happened - I was convinced i was having multiple heart attacks when it first happened that night - it turned out to obviously be a panic attack
No history in my family of anxiety or depression
Prior to Last November, had no problems with anxiety what so ever


Essentially I'm just here to let off steam.. and how I'd like some clarification.

I'm I depressed? I'm convinced I don't have it, but I'm I denial?

1 Month ago - i had been with a councilor; once every month - for 4 months. And she clarified that I had anxiety through the 'fear of having anxiety' ever since my panic attack last November (that came out of no where - completely out of the blue).

And I seem to be going through these periods - from these anxiety periods.

I'D LIKE TO SAY - IF I DON'T THINK ABOUT THE ANXIETY - IT NEVER HAPPENS.

In this year - I've gone through months - without experiencing anxiety, and then suddenly I go through hell of anxiety - usually lasting 2 weeks or so.

Within these 'spells' of anxiety, they each have a theme.. if you get me?

The first time I had it - It was generally just - anxiety ahh - anxiety
The 2nd spell I had it - I was convinced I was going insane (an obvious emotion to feel with anxiety problems)
The 3rd spell I had it - It was down to stress with work (final year university student)
Now it's the 4rth spell (the spell I am in now) - And because ALL Google can tell me is that I'm apparently depressed that I have anxiety; I'm convinced that I have it - which is making me down!!

But in my life - there is NOTHING that would make me feel down.

It just makes me worse when all the websites are telling you, you are depressed. So i decided to ask a community of people who are depressed by doing the following and found some things out...


I decided to go Depression Forums itself to ask the community if I was depressed, but the website flashed information on suicide prevention help and It scared the shit out of me - anxiety wise; that i had to leave
The Forum itself had these extremely worse scenarios of people having genuine massive problems in their life which I don't have at all
I couldn't watch a Christmas Eve broadcast of this charity helping people with depression / suicide because i was scared I would end up that way
2 of my friends are taking anti-depression medication and I'm scared to talk to them because I'm scared they will make me 'down'
Every time I go in Google and look at anxiety, my anxiety goes to new heights when anything mentioned about depression comes up. And when i check the symptoms and get some clarification that 3/4 of the symptoms isn't there, i get massive relief and im extremely happy buzz as it where


It's just really frustrating how each new 'spell' of anxiety has a theme towards it - and therefore - i get convinced of something, that of course in the previous 'spells' was not the case.

Argh - it's so frustrating. If I never had anxiety, or more importantly, if i never had that panic attack that came out of no where.. last November.. if someone shown me this website.. I would literally say this question - 'What's Anxiety?'

Ironic eh? Such a shame!

[dthul1]

Hey Corsan! Well you came to the right place. Yes, you defiantly have anxiety. Sometimes anxiety causes depression so that could be why you feel so "down". As for the spells you are going through, I go through them as well. Usually about once a week Ill have an attack. I too have depression. My doctor has given me Paxil (anti-depresent) and Xanax (helps calm me down) Which have been helping. Have you spoken to a doctor about what your going through? Also, STOP GOOGILING!! That will only cause your anxiety to heighten. As for feeling crazy, yes, you will have that thought pop in your head from time to time. The best piece of advice I can give you if you have a attack just focus on your breathing. Once you have had a few attacks (not that you will, just speaking from my experiences) you will actually learn to laugh at yourself because you always end up okay in the end.

[j2005]

Hey,

Hang in there...you'll work through this. It will just take some time.

I had the same experience. Never depressed nor had anxiety that I recognized. Had a panic attack once then had anxiety ever since. The panic attack created fear in you. You became super sensitive and will continue to experience this from time to time.

Accept it. Quit trying to figure it out. Understand you have anxiety and it is simply an over active adrenal gland and nervous system that creates physiological systems that your mind translates as. Something to fear.

Practice meditating with deep breathing exercises. Linden method was incredibly helpful to me.
Get exercise. Get sleep. Eat better and take your vitamins.

Work this out one day at a time.

James

[alankay]

Corsan, anxiety and depression don't always exist together. I've had anxiety for 30 years and have never been depressed. Depression can result from untreated, prolonged high anxiety/panic that disrupts life so much people lose hope. One question I have and don't read any thing into it. Do these 'spells" of anxiety precede your menstrual period if you're a female?(I ask only because of the cyclical nature the anxiety you detailed) And no, you don't sound depressed, just frustrated, distressed and confused. You were way too detailed and articulate in your post to be depressed and state not feeling "down". Yes, anxiety can come about with little warning but in my case, upon reflection, I did admit I was a "worrier". Which is key as it led to my full blown anxiety. Message me any time. Alankay

[Corsan]

Thankyou everyone for your lovely responses. In response to yourself Alankay - I'm a male - so I obviously don't have menstrual periods haha!

Today was a bit of hell - because in my mind - i was convinced that I was depressed because all of the websites said I was (because I had anxiety) and therefore it made me very very very very down (from looking at the websites a few days ago)

In a sense, it's like the anxiety - you have the fear of the fear.. and with depression.. you get depressed because you think you're depressed?

I think I've come to the conclusion - that I'm just a worrier, and that I have very strong mental emotions that convince me of something if I believe to have it - perhaps a form of OCD. So therefore, the anxiety came in spells because i thought about it - and if they said i was depressed, I MUST therefore be depressed and my emotions mimic.

But the past 2 days - have the lowest i have ever felt, ever - a kind of sadness I've never felt before! So If i had a 'brief' experience of depression - then I wouldn't want to feel it again. It's a horrible sense of hopelessness and dread!!

It proves to me myself in my head, that its just anxiety - because when I think it about it positively, and realize 'it's all in my head' - the hopeless - aka general sadness. Completely goes away.

I've never taken any drugs, such as anti-depressants, or anti-anxiety medication... and i don't think I ever will. If it gets bad / worse; I think my best option is CBT; which I have read the online versions.. and i remember reading one done by a guy in Northern Ireland (where i am from - which ironically is very comforting) and I was relieved of anxiety for nearly 4 months! (BECAUSE I NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT IT IRONICALLY).

It has nothing to do with Christmas Day - but hell - it did wreck my Christmas! Shame!