BYObass
12-03-2006, 10:07 AM
i'm 17, started having panic attacks a year or so ago, which progressed to strange body pains/giving myself diseases (lyme, brain tumor, AIDS, appendicitis), which then progressed to bouts of derealization/depersonalization, along with almost non stop irrational worry, thoughts of unhappines, unfulfullment, apathy., worthless/helplessness and even thoughts of death/suicide. i am afraid of losing control, my mind, and dying almost a the tiem (not just during attacks).
i have had sum small episodes of manic disorder, a lot of what i feel may have been hypomania, and then sum depression, but not enuff to justify what my doctor thinks is bipolar disorder. overall, i just have no idea where to turn, and i have my whole lie ahead of me (*including a full scholarship to an excellent college), and it shouldn't be this hard. i'd like it to be easier. and i feel like i almost cant enjoy it. i also feel like im "giving" myself all these symptoms the more i read about it/read stories/think about it/fear it coming back. my thoughts race a lot. hard to sleep sometimes. hard to focus, make decisions, concentrate. ard to stop thinking about all of thsi nonsense!!
at this point i feel like im in a "light" dr/dp state... not full out. but light. it comes and goes n cycles, it seems. with a week of good and a week to 2 weeks of bad. how can i get any help non-medically. i just started depakote for bipolar, and i have ativan for when i feel vbery anxious/afraid. but... what can i do? i can already deep breath away my panic attacks.thats not a problem. but it seems that i can go from a really horrible state, to a regular horrible feeling when i get one while in these dp/dr modes.
i have had sum small episodes of manic disorder, a lot of what i feel may have been hypomania, and then sum depression, but not enuff to justify what my doctor thinks is bipolar disorder. overall, i just have no idea where to turn, and i have my whole lie ahead of me (*including a full scholarship to an excellent college), and it shouldn't be this hard. i'd like it to be easier. and i feel like i almost cant enjoy it. i also feel like im "giving" myself all these symptoms the more i read about it/read stories/think about it/fear it coming back. my thoughts race a lot. hard to sleep sometimes. hard to focus, make decisions, concentrate. ard to stop thinking about all of thsi nonsense!!
at this point i feel like im in a "light" dr/dp state... not full out. but light. it comes and goes n cycles, it seems. with a week of good and a week to 2 weeks of bad. how can i get any help non-medically. i just started depakote for bipolar, and i have ativan for when i feel vbery anxious/afraid. but... what can i do? i can already deep breath away my panic attacks.thats not a problem. but it seems that i can go from a really horrible state, to a regular horrible feeling when i get one while in these dp/dr modes.