My story

[cms721]

So last september, after me and my baby momma (lol) split up and after i lost my job in april I had my first panic attack that i remember. I remember fearing losing control than i started thinking what if i harm my child.... Stupid i know i never would hes my world. Anyways I read online, thought i was scizophrenic had bi polar disorder psychosis u name it i thought i had it lol. Anyways thats funny to me now because it doesnt bother me anymore, the last 4-5 months I have been worried like omg what if i become a pedofile... I read this online as a symptom of people with OCD, intrusive thoughts.... Guess what now im scared of this, and Ill have good weeks like 2-3 in a row were they dont bother me but then all of a sudden like today and yesterday i had the weird thoughts kick back. Atleast its not everyday anymore i guess, but i feel weird cuddling with my 3 year old son and hes my everything, Is this more than anxiety or OCD..... someone please reasure me I feel like im getting better but when i have bad days i get scared....Anyone ever gone through something like this?

[at1988]

I have the exact same thoughts -EXACT SAME! this is the first time i have ever admitted it to anyone. I was afraid people would think i was...(i cant even type the word). I am a a very nice 23 yr old woman, and would never hurt anyone, which is what helps me push these stupid thoughts out. I do not have any kids, but i am afraid to have them now because of these thoughts. I am afraid to be alone with my own child if i were to have one. I remember an episode on Oprah about these men that were ACTUALLY.... and one of them said "you know right from when you are a teenager that this is what you are" so..think of that. If you were one, you would have known it for a while already. I am glad to hear i am not the only one thinking these horrible things about myself. I hope you can find some comfort in knowing the same for yourself.

[Demarco]

Hi cms. First of all, I'm sorry, but I haven't been through exactly what you're going through. I have had irrational fears though, and states of panic and depression. When I have these irrational fears, I always try to muster up a voice in the back of my head that reassures me that what I'm fearing is ridiculous. That voice has to overpower the other voice that says things like "what if I harm my child?" You really have to push your voice of reason and fight those strange thoughts. Do your best to dismiss them. You have complete control over whether you hurt people. You're obviously never going to be a pedophile. You need a strong voice to convince yourself that those weird thoughts are moot.

Since you lost your job, you might not have health insurance, but it would probably really help to talk to a therapist. You've taken a first step in addressing that you have an issue, and a second step in seeking help for it from anonymous individuals online. But it might help to make an appointment with someone to ease your thoughts a bit. Remember, people like me might give you advice that's totally wrong... but be easy on us because we're just doing our best. Also, if you need somebody to talk to about your problems, you can PM me if you'd like. Best of luck.

[cms721]

How could i feel so weird an hour ago now i feel perfectly normal lol. at1988 I feel like we care too much or something IDK im sure we will both be fine since i read stories like this before and have heard them say i ended up getting over all my thoughts, i know ive had these in the past and they just went away. Idk why im questioning them so much thats what is leaving them around. scary but screw it! and demarco, I got my job back since then ! Im working 50 some hours a week and this seems to happen when im stressed about work, Or my baby momma lol. PS ive talked to a counsellor and told her about everything, i went 5-6 times, she literally laughs at me and says i know youd never hurt ur kid or become a pedafile. Im 25 years old, own my own house car payed off everything, I used to drink alot too. Im sure cutting back on that has made this worse. shes never diagnosed me with OCD, since its just obsessions and just said i have anxiety attacks and she thinks thats when the thoughts come. But thanks for your support. I think ive got it all figured out sometimes then i have a bad "day" which isnt even a day its more like an hour. :(!

[Demarco]

That's great that you have your job back. I know it's probably stressful, but not having a job just sucks. 50 hour weeks are long, but being bored/idle is way worse. And having your own house/car at 25 seems ridiculous to me, that's awesome.

Yeah, whenever you have a rough time, just vent on here a bit. It's always good to talk stuff out.