PanicCured
11-11-2011, 05:39 AM
I once had panic and anxiety almost as bad as it could possibly get. There are different ways this problem is expressed in people, and even from different causes, so what I had may not be exactly what some of you have. So I can mostly only speak from what I went through, and it will probably resonate with most of you.
I had the type of panic disorder where I felt like I was on the verge of a massive adrenaline rush full blown panic attack multiple times a day. I woke up with it everyday. My heart was measured on a test once to 162 beats per minute. There were times I would feel so frozen in fear, I wouldn't even move, and getting just to the bathroom, was an ordeal. There were times when I was so scared to leave my home, yet so scared to be alone, that I would leave the door to my apartment open, as I laid in bed. I would curl up in a ball in bed shaking in fear, just begging for my lie. I remember not having any water left, and it was a complete struggle to leave my apartment, get in the elevator, and walk about 1 minute to the little store in my complex to purchase bottled water. When I finally got the courage to do it, I remember in the store, trying my best not to look at the store clerk, hoping I could just survive this outing of buying water and rushing back home. One day, I remember being so scared to get in the elevator to get back home, I actually asked a stranger to ride in it with me. I went days without a shower at times, because I had panic attacks in the shower. Getting through a complete shower was an enormous struggle. I was in multiple ambulances and emergency rooms, took every test imaginable, including x rays of my adrenal glands, and I was utterly miserable and in a state of non stop panic and fear. When these panic attacks struck me, I was convinced it was my body doing it to me, and it wasn't anxiety. I thought I had a very serious physical problem, and it needed to be treated as one, and the doctors just weren't looking in the right places. Somewhere there was a disease that needed to be cured. I wasn't causing my heart to beat 160 beats per minute or tremble or feel like I was going insane? I must have been poisoned? A tumor? Heart disease? Something! There were times in panic attacks where I felt I was losing all sense of reality and my mind was doing summersaults and I was not coming back from it. Of course, that was not true. When I tried to stop klonopins, it caused me even more anxiety and I even had hallucinations. So now I had benzodiazepene withdrawal on top of anxiety.
That was the past. All in the past. That is not my life anymore. I go wherever I want, whenever I want. I go to concerts with large crowds, I lift heavy weights at the gym, I drive very late at night far distances by myself, I go to bars and party, sometimes even by myself, I just live a normal life now, free of all meds.
Was it all in my head? How did I overcome this?
I believe it all started from my mind. I went through a major horrible breakup, and this really took me for a loop. I got really depressed. Not in a state of panic, but grieving. I obsessed on the girl and the situation I found myself in. I was overthinking for months on end. I kept trying to get her back, and she kept leading me on. This went on for about 6 months, and this caused me an unbelievable amount of stress.
Some time later, I was pretty much over the girl, but my body still wasn't really completely back to normal. I was partying a lot and had some really bad hangovers. A friend of mine told me about some heart health issues he had, and I found myself obsessively googling nonstop for weeks about my health. It was then, that my panic and anxiety starting kicking into high gear.
In simple terms, I believe what happened to me was this:
Mind and nervous system was overtaxed and led to some type of nervous breakdown. Overthinking, obsessing, worrying, stress were the triggers. It was like some type of overstimulation. Once panic attacks started happening, my subconscious had some type of memory of it, and the slightest thing could set it off, and it would go back into that mode, which it began to think was a normal state to be in. The more panic attacks I had the easier it was to have them. It was like my nerves were guitar strings tuned very very high, and in that heightened state, my brain began to adapt to it. What I did, through various methods I discussed in my Techniques thread at the top of the forum, was allow my nervous system to heal itself, and bring my brain back to a more normal state, so it could react to my environment in the proper way.
For example: I used to go to a place with lots of people and think how I can't be here. What if I drop? Oh my god these people are freaking me out? I am going to lose it. Keep it together. Oh no, I am losing it! I got to get out. I must get home now!
Now, sometimes in places I used to think that, I may remember how I used to felt. Then I think, "Weird that I thought that. What the hell was I freaking out about?" My body isn't reacting in that way anymore. It isn't so sensitive. I could think, "Yeah I could drop right now and right here, but whatever." Those type of thoughts don't create any symptoms in me. I believe this is because my nervous system has been healed. It's like running into an ex you were so in love with once, and then now you feel nothing. You couldn't fall in love again if you tried.
I am very clear now of what a panic attack is, what causes it, what it means, it's purpose, and I don't see myself ever being in that state again. Even if one day I get a panic attack, I know what it is, and how to just let it be for a bit until it dissipates. Anxiety is a normal emotion, if it happens only sometimes. It's if it is a regular thing that it's a disorder. It will never be a regular thing for me again. I haven't had one in a while, but like I said, if I ever do, it's just no big deal.
One of my biggest problems was always feeling I couldn't get enough air, or constantly breathing heavy and deep to make sure I was still breathing ok. I blame a lot of my nervous symptoms on breathing out too much Carbon Dioxide, such as in hyperventilation. Discovering and practicing Buteyko breathing techniques, saved this problem for me. Once I learned that overbreathing causes tons of undiagnosed symptoms, and actually causes you to absorb less oxygen, my life took a different turn.
Taking supplements that nourished my nerves and brain, I believe helped me a lot too. Meds do not heal you. They may help, but they do not nourish you like herbs or food can. It isn't true healing. Not that they have no value, but it needs to be understood the difference between maintenance and true healing.
One thing I never mentioned was I used a device called an Alpha Stim. I connected these clips to my ears 1-2 times a day for 30 days for about 30 minutes each session. That seemed to help me too by creating alpha waves for your brain. I also did hypnosis CDs for anxiety but didn't do them really all that much to give them much credit.
I did yoga 2-3 days a week, and no matter how horrible I was feeling, I never had a panic attack in a yoga class ever! I was scared I would freak out in the middle of class and leave, but that never happened. It took so much concentration that even when my heart would beat fast, I never fully freaked out and I felt great after every single class. Yoga is a great way to nourish your brain.
I meditated, by calming my breath, and letting go. Being an observer rather than a doer.
After I became less agoraphobic, I would try and face my fears. I would purposely go in crowded subways to monitor my progress. Stuck underground, in a body to body rush hour subway car was a great way to face my fears and see how far I've come.
But whatever I did, I never once thought this was something I had to live with and accept. I always knew I would get better, and conducted my life as if I was in a recovering process. I never stopped trying new ways or new products or new methods to get better. I knew I was on a healing path, and eventually I would over come it. Well, I have overcome it. So can all of you.
The start of my problem was from my mind. The overthinking, worrying, depression, grief, stress, etc., caused a type of nervous breakdown, resulting in uncontrollable anxiety. Then my body and brain was desensitized and tuned to a much more stimulated state, where the slightest thing could set my fight or flight response off. Cultivating positive emotions, Buteyko breathing, meditation, yoga, herbs, supplements, developing a strong will of courage to face my fears, and faith that this is only a temporary situation, all slowly nourished my nervous system, rebalanced my hormones and brain chemistry, and led me back to being able to live a very happy and normal life again.
I hope this helps some of you.
Cheers!
I had the type of panic disorder where I felt like I was on the verge of a massive adrenaline rush full blown panic attack multiple times a day. I woke up with it everyday. My heart was measured on a test once to 162 beats per minute. There were times I would feel so frozen in fear, I wouldn't even move, and getting just to the bathroom, was an ordeal. There were times when I was so scared to leave my home, yet so scared to be alone, that I would leave the door to my apartment open, as I laid in bed. I would curl up in a ball in bed shaking in fear, just begging for my lie. I remember not having any water left, and it was a complete struggle to leave my apartment, get in the elevator, and walk about 1 minute to the little store in my complex to purchase bottled water. When I finally got the courage to do it, I remember in the store, trying my best not to look at the store clerk, hoping I could just survive this outing of buying water and rushing back home. One day, I remember being so scared to get in the elevator to get back home, I actually asked a stranger to ride in it with me. I went days without a shower at times, because I had panic attacks in the shower. Getting through a complete shower was an enormous struggle. I was in multiple ambulances and emergency rooms, took every test imaginable, including x rays of my adrenal glands, and I was utterly miserable and in a state of non stop panic and fear. When these panic attacks struck me, I was convinced it was my body doing it to me, and it wasn't anxiety. I thought I had a very serious physical problem, and it needed to be treated as one, and the doctors just weren't looking in the right places. Somewhere there was a disease that needed to be cured. I wasn't causing my heart to beat 160 beats per minute or tremble or feel like I was going insane? I must have been poisoned? A tumor? Heart disease? Something! There were times in panic attacks where I felt I was losing all sense of reality and my mind was doing summersaults and I was not coming back from it. Of course, that was not true. When I tried to stop klonopins, it caused me even more anxiety and I even had hallucinations. So now I had benzodiazepene withdrawal on top of anxiety.
That was the past. All in the past. That is not my life anymore. I go wherever I want, whenever I want. I go to concerts with large crowds, I lift heavy weights at the gym, I drive very late at night far distances by myself, I go to bars and party, sometimes even by myself, I just live a normal life now, free of all meds.
Was it all in my head? How did I overcome this?
I believe it all started from my mind. I went through a major horrible breakup, and this really took me for a loop. I got really depressed. Not in a state of panic, but grieving. I obsessed on the girl and the situation I found myself in. I was overthinking for months on end. I kept trying to get her back, and she kept leading me on. This went on for about 6 months, and this caused me an unbelievable amount of stress.
Some time later, I was pretty much over the girl, but my body still wasn't really completely back to normal. I was partying a lot and had some really bad hangovers. A friend of mine told me about some heart health issues he had, and I found myself obsessively googling nonstop for weeks about my health. It was then, that my panic and anxiety starting kicking into high gear.
In simple terms, I believe what happened to me was this:
Mind and nervous system was overtaxed and led to some type of nervous breakdown. Overthinking, obsessing, worrying, stress were the triggers. It was like some type of overstimulation. Once panic attacks started happening, my subconscious had some type of memory of it, and the slightest thing could set it off, and it would go back into that mode, which it began to think was a normal state to be in. The more panic attacks I had the easier it was to have them. It was like my nerves were guitar strings tuned very very high, and in that heightened state, my brain began to adapt to it. What I did, through various methods I discussed in my Techniques thread at the top of the forum, was allow my nervous system to heal itself, and bring my brain back to a more normal state, so it could react to my environment in the proper way.
For example: I used to go to a place with lots of people and think how I can't be here. What if I drop? Oh my god these people are freaking me out? I am going to lose it. Keep it together. Oh no, I am losing it! I got to get out. I must get home now!
Now, sometimes in places I used to think that, I may remember how I used to felt. Then I think, "Weird that I thought that. What the hell was I freaking out about?" My body isn't reacting in that way anymore. It isn't so sensitive. I could think, "Yeah I could drop right now and right here, but whatever." Those type of thoughts don't create any symptoms in me. I believe this is because my nervous system has been healed. It's like running into an ex you were so in love with once, and then now you feel nothing. You couldn't fall in love again if you tried.
I am very clear now of what a panic attack is, what causes it, what it means, it's purpose, and I don't see myself ever being in that state again. Even if one day I get a panic attack, I know what it is, and how to just let it be for a bit until it dissipates. Anxiety is a normal emotion, if it happens only sometimes. It's if it is a regular thing that it's a disorder. It will never be a regular thing for me again. I haven't had one in a while, but like I said, if I ever do, it's just no big deal.
One of my biggest problems was always feeling I couldn't get enough air, or constantly breathing heavy and deep to make sure I was still breathing ok. I blame a lot of my nervous symptoms on breathing out too much Carbon Dioxide, such as in hyperventilation. Discovering and practicing Buteyko breathing techniques, saved this problem for me. Once I learned that overbreathing causes tons of undiagnosed symptoms, and actually causes you to absorb less oxygen, my life took a different turn.
Taking supplements that nourished my nerves and brain, I believe helped me a lot too. Meds do not heal you. They may help, but they do not nourish you like herbs or food can. It isn't true healing. Not that they have no value, but it needs to be understood the difference between maintenance and true healing.
One thing I never mentioned was I used a device called an Alpha Stim. I connected these clips to my ears 1-2 times a day for 30 days for about 30 minutes each session. That seemed to help me too by creating alpha waves for your brain. I also did hypnosis CDs for anxiety but didn't do them really all that much to give them much credit.
I did yoga 2-3 days a week, and no matter how horrible I was feeling, I never had a panic attack in a yoga class ever! I was scared I would freak out in the middle of class and leave, but that never happened. It took so much concentration that even when my heart would beat fast, I never fully freaked out and I felt great after every single class. Yoga is a great way to nourish your brain.
I meditated, by calming my breath, and letting go. Being an observer rather than a doer.
After I became less agoraphobic, I would try and face my fears. I would purposely go in crowded subways to monitor my progress. Stuck underground, in a body to body rush hour subway car was a great way to face my fears and see how far I've come.
But whatever I did, I never once thought this was something I had to live with and accept. I always knew I would get better, and conducted my life as if I was in a recovering process. I never stopped trying new ways or new products or new methods to get better. I knew I was on a healing path, and eventually I would over come it. Well, I have overcome it. So can all of you.
The start of my problem was from my mind. The overthinking, worrying, depression, grief, stress, etc., caused a type of nervous breakdown, resulting in uncontrollable anxiety. Then my body and brain was desensitized and tuned to a much more stimulated state, where the slightest thing could set my fight or flight response off. Cultivating positive emotions, Buteyko breathing, meditation, yoga, herbs, supplements, developing a strong will of courage to face my fears, and faith that this is only a temporary situation, all slowly nourished my nervous system, rebalanced my hormones and brain chemistry, and led me back to being able to live a very happy and normal life again.
I hope this helps some of you.
Cheers!