So many questions...never any answers

[EamaneEldendil]

Hi, i'm new to this board and have been reading through a few posts but there are so many to go through i don't have the stamina to go through them all :eek:.
I need some help and adivce, and i guess i want to hear if someone has shared the same problems as me to, as i'm at the end of my tether now and honestly don't know how much longer i can live life like this.
Anxiety is ruining (has ruined) my life. I first became ill when i was 15. I woke up one morning and my vision had become distorted, it was bizarre, and it is a symptom i have had every day since. Several other physical symptoms started kicking in shortly afterwards, and the doctors don't really know what was happening, they just diagnosed me with M.E/CFS. So that's what we thought i had.
My panic attacks first started when i first became unwell. I was forever anxious and frightened of the way i was feeling physically, i had not idea of what was happening to me, i just completely lost control and the panic attacks, over the passing months got worse and worse, until one day i shut myself away from the world and i didn't leave my house for almost 4yrs!!! Bad move i know, but it's what i did.
Gradually over the past two years i began to get my life back on track. I started riding (horses) again, socializing and i even took my driving test and started driving!! I finally started thinking this was the end of everything, in fact i didn't even have a panic attack for almost a year! (I would just like to point out that even though i didn't have a panic attack my physical symptoms, including my poor vision, were still very much there.) Then things went horribly wrong. My gran booked a trip to Rome for myself and my cousin as a gift for my progress. A few months before my panic attacks came back out of the blue, then the morning i woke to go away i woke with the most horrendous glandular fever which my body had contracted all by itself over night. I was very unwell, but i got up and went to the airport anyway. I got there and felt very very strange, then i lost the entire use of the left hand side of my body, like i was having a stroke and i blacked out. Needless to say it was a HORRIFIC panic attack, and i've never been right since. After a few weeks i started getting things back on track, but the same thing happened again recently. I have exams coming up (which i have now had to cancel because i am now far too unwell to sit them) and once again, the other morning i woke up with that mysterious glandular fever and i now don't want to leave the house again!!!
I can't cope any longer, agoraphobia is destroying me, i don't feel comfortable anywhere unless its my home!! I'm trying to get my life back on track but subconciously my mind is fighting against me.
Firstly i'm intersted in knowing if anyone else has had these constant 24hr physical symptoms, espeically the visual disturbances. And i'd also like to know if anyone else has experienced this unusual dramtic set back where your body literally makes you VERY ill??
I'd just like to know i'm not alone?!

[kevin]

You are DEFINATELY not alone. I have some of the worst anxiety symptoms ever...which I experience on a daily basis. I also have panic attacks on a daily basis unless I take my clonazepam. Maybe you should just get some meds and if you can try and get some cognitive behavioral therapy.

[EamaneEldendil]

I've tried meds and pretty much everything gives me side effects. I've been seeing a psychoanaylst too, who has been doing the cognitive therapy, and it works to an extent with the stuff thats on the surface, like the panic attacks but it doesn't seem to work for the deep roote part that i just can't seem to shift.

[Bubbywu]

I think meds work differently for everyone. I take Lexapro 20mg and I have Xanax for on the spot attacks. They wanted me to take it everyday but it's very addictive and you can build a tolerance to them. I've been seeing a Cognitive Therapist for about 5 months now, and it is starting to change the way I've been thinking. She points out how much I use certain words like failure or perfection and is making me realize that neither are ever achieved.


Chele

[wordmistress]

You are definitely not alone. The last therapist I went to said that it was "odd" that I felt the panick for no good reason at any time. That was reassuring. I have serious problems with my vision that no one can diagnose. I've been to three eye doctors and there is nothing wrong with my vision, but I often feel like I can't see a thing! I have a hard time focusing and sometimes I feel like my eyes don't keep up with my body, which makes me feel out of sorts a little. Then, the panick comes in.

I also suffer physically. I have been to every doctor you can go to and they can't find anything wrong with me. I don't feel as though I am a hypochondriac. What I feel is as real as this keyboard I am typing on. Doctors tell me that the anxiety causes the physical symptoms, but I honestly believe it is the other way around. If I wake up and feel very well, then I have little to no anxiety. If I have so much as an earache, it seems to spiral. I also go through the mysterious things. For example, I'm already pretty sure I'll be sick on Christmas...lol. I know that's not funny, but it sounds funny. I bought a nice new outfit, I am going to make a dish, and I am working on my cookies...so I will be sick with something. It is awful. I know exactly how you feel!

I've also had no luck with medications: Buspar, Lexapro, Cymbalta, and Valium. I still take the valium, but I feel like I am getting a little dependant, so I am backing off now, but it is the only thing that helped. I have had terrible, terrible side effects, including attempted suicide with the SSRI"s. They never helped me either. I know my root problem is in here somewhere and nothing is going to help until I uncover that!

I hope you are feeling a little better and I hope it helps to know others are out here just like you!

[jitters]

Your last therapist said it was "odd" you got panic attacks for no reason, where did they get their diploma walmart. It's part of the illness and your therapist sould know better than to tell you that any of your symptoms are odd as everyone has different causes.

I have spent three years trying to find a pysical cause for my symptoms but have only recently accepted that the anxiety is the route cause. I have had 20 blood tests, 2 endoscopy, 1 colonoscopy and have visited 6 different doctors all to no avail and why? Because although I believed there to be somthing wrong. How could my stomache inflammation, shaking, diarreoh, tiredness etc. just be in my head. But the fact is anxiety is a physical illness for those who suffer with it cinically.

Accept it and start treating it drugs don't work if you worry they wont, and are overated in anxiety treatment. I struggled with the chicken and egg thing for 3 years treat the anxiety because wheter its the cause or a symptom treatment can only help both the anxiety and the cause.

Duncan

[jitters]

Your last therapist said it was "odd" you got panic attacks for no reason, where did they get their diploma walmart. It's part of the illness and your therapist sould know better than to tell you that any of your symptoms are odd as everyone has different causes.

I have spent three years trying to find a pysical cause for my symptoms but have only recently accepted that the anxiety is the route cause. I have had 20 blood tests, 2 endoscopy, 1 colonoscopy and have visited 6 different doctors all to no avail and why? Because although I believed there to be somthing wrong. How could my stomache inflammation, shaking, diarreoh, tiredness etc. just be in my head. But the fact is anxiety is a physical illness for those who suffer with it cinically.

Accept it and start treating it drugs don't work if you worry they wont, and are overated in anxiety treatment. I struggled with the chicken and egg thing for 3 years treat the anxiety because wheter its the cause or a symptom treatment can only help both the anxiety and the cause.

Duncan

[jitters]

I apologise for the terrible gramma spelling and continuity of thourht in that last post... But hey none of us is perfect.

[wordmistress]

Your last therapist said it was "odd" you got panic attacks for no reason, where did they get their diploma walmart. It's part of the illness and your therapist sould know better than to tell you that any of your symptoms are odd as everyone has different causes.

I have spent three years trying to find a pysical cause for my symptoms but have only recently accepted that the anxiety is the route cause. I have had 20 blood tests, 2 endoscopy, 1 colonoscopy and have visited 6 different doctors all to no avail and why? Because although I believed there to be somthing wrong. How could my stomache inflammation, shaking, diarreoh, tiredness etc. just be in my head. But the fact is anxiety is a physical illness for those who suffer with it cinically.

Accept it and start treating it drugs don't work if you worry they wont, and are overated in anxiety treatment. I struggled with the chicken and egg thing for 3 years treat the anxiety because wheter its the cause or a symptom treatment can only help both the anxiety and the cause.

Duncan

Duncan,
My therapist is actually really good. What he meant was that he found it odd that I could not think of any trigger point.

I have recently been diagnosed with fibromyalgia. I encourage anyone here to look it up and really read up on it. I've been in treatment for a week...which is a heavy change in diet, exercise, physical therapy, and muscle relaxers, and I can tell the difference all around. I feel 100% better. My anxiety is greatly reduced. I physically feel much better. I know it seems soon to say that, but just the changes in my diet leaves me feeling better. I've started eating foods that are very high in vitamins, all around. No supplements.

I am not saying that everyone with anxiety has fibromyalgia, but it is a cause of anxiety and depression. It may be worth looking into if you suffer from physical pain in addition. To know I am not nuts with everything I feel makes a big difference to... ;)

[jitters]

I stand corrected. :)

[wordmistress]

Duncan,
So did I believe it or not! I was very angry with him at first. Then I realized what he was trying to point out to me...that I needed to stop, look around--inside and out---and see where it was coming from.

I am just so glad I finally found a M.D. that listened to me and made a determination...not one who just blew me off and tried to medicate me! I thought I had fibromyalgia 3 years ago and my family physician told me that anxiety causes all the physical symptoms, not the other way around. I told him from day one that I felt like the pain started, then the anxiety...or the nausea, or headache, or whatever. He didn't listen to me and I just wonder how long I have suffered for no reason because of him!!!! Alot of doctors don't believe in fibro because there is no test other than the spinal tap. There is no one thing that says, "Yes this person has this disease." They just tell you it's all in your head!

[jitters]

This is a common complaint, the problem is it is nearly impossible as a health professional to diagnose weather anxiety is the cause of your symptoms or a symptom of another illness... or what parts are anxiety and what parts are the illness.

Another reason for the confusion is that anxiety sufferers tend towards hypocondria and denile. So doctors, if they suspect anxiety, will try to treat the anxiety first and see what symptoms remain.

I havent heard of fibromyalgia being mistaken for anxiety as you usually have other symptoms and joint pain is fairly rare. Your doctor should have treated the joint pain as a seprate issue and you probably have suffered needlessly. I'm sorry for your pain.

Try and remember anxiety isn't just in your imagination it causes genuine physical symptoms which can and have plagued my life and the lives of many people on this forum.

Once you've treated your fibromyalgia you may still suffer with anxiety but with the help of your therapist you should be able to lead a "normal" life if there is such a thing.

"denile isn't just a river in egypt"

Keep Smiling

Duncan :D

[wordmistress]

You are so right! I have complained of all of these various aches, pains, and illnesses for so long and I have always become so frustrated that no doctor could ever figure out what was wrong with me. Then, people didn't believe me anymore. I would talk about this pain, go to the doctor, come home with no diagnosis, and people would look at me as the little girl who cried wolf. Anxiety frustration does not even compare to everyone not believing you!

My anxiety has been lower since I found out because of the changes I have made, but I think also because I don't feel like it's "all in my head" anymore. I used to feel these things with no explanation that scared me. No one could ever explain to me why I felt these things with no visible cause. Now, when I feel back pain, I know why and I know what to do. Honestly, it gave me hope. I know that fibromyalgia is chronic, but I have hope that one day, I might not feel so bad anymore because I have a plan.

And my doctor made my mistakes because he is incompetent...lol. Then I started branching out and seeing specialists for everything, but they were only looking at one problem and not seeing the whole problem. I actually went to a Sports Medicine doctor for my back who really looked at me as a whole, not just the pain my back. Everything I was saying didn't add up to him and he spend over two hours checking different things and taking x-rays.

I'm just glad I finally decided to branch out and go to a different doctor. My other word of advice is go to a younger doctor. I have gotten such better treatment from younger doctors than older...they seem to be less egotistical.

[jitters]

And of course better trained as far as mental illness goes, of course you say that not being belived is worse than the anxiety, but over time that in its self becomes a great source of anxiety. One of the hardest battles I've had is convincing freinds and family that I am ill and that its not all in my head this just got worse when I told them it was a mental illness, Snap out of it was the attitude. However when the doctors suggested it may be crohns everyone accepted it immediatly and gave me all the support they could.

One of the biggest worries for those of us you suffer from these illnesses is fear of what others may think of us.

I have spoken to people who have had panic attacks and felt they were going to die, and their biggest fear wasn't death but rather they thought "I'm going to die here in front of my friends, how embarassing."

Sometimes society is so foolish regarding mental illness, I think the statistic is one in five people in the west, suffer from anxiety or depression in thier lifetime and yet we hardly know anything about it until we or someone we know suffer with one or the other and then what does society tell us to do? "Snap out of it!" Yeah coz its that easy.:evil:

Any how you should get plenty of support for both your conditions here and hopefully you'll find some answers.

Duncan :)

[wordmistress]

I am far more impressed with younger doctors all across the board! It just seems as though they are more willing to listen than to judge.

And, again, you are definitely right about worrying about what other people will say. I know all about the Snap Out Of It attitude! People don't accept something that doesn't have an actual test result! Because I can't provide some positive blood test for agoraphobia/anxiety, people think I just need to "get over it."

I know that feeling about feeling embarrassed in front of others. I made a complete fool out of myself in physical therapy the other day, but I have decided not to care anymore. I'm doing my best not to avoid anymore. I told her from the get go about my problem. I was overheated, got anxious, and I told her I was going outside and I would be back when I felt better. I was only out there about 30 seconds because not being scared of what she thought made it easy.

What amazes me is that so many people suffer from anxiety, depression, manic depression, etc., but yet people still treat it like it is "no big deal" or something that you can just "get over". It's not that easy! I know more people than not that have problems, but it is those people who don't who always think there is just some easy solution out there!

I am glad to be here! It is really nice! I love to vent to people who really, really understand!

Mandy