kna7601
10-29-2011, 10:35 PM
Hello out there, I am here because my panic is running rampant. I am 30 years old and a wife a mother of three beautiful children. My anxiety and panic disorder started about eleven or so years ago. However, up until this past February I had been panic attack free for about 8 years. I'm not sure what I owe this pleasure to, but i sometimes credit it to my getting off Lexapro after being on anit-depressants for 9 years. I decided that I was "cured" and no longer needed to take my medication. that went well for about 6 months until the panic reared its hideaous head one day out of no where. Logically, I have since resumed taking the Lexapro. Yet, for some reason this damn things won't go away! I have been taking the Lexapro since about March of this year and I know it has had plenty of time to do it's thing. It's me...I must be nuts! I find myself at times noticing how content I am and it's like "Oh hey, see you are ok, nothing to worry about" then...Wammo! The panic sets in because if I am not panicked and anixety ridden that means that I am not in control of things...right? What the hell kind of logic is this!? It is absurd to think that by me tensing up every muscle in my body and wishing like hell that I don't faint or go nuts or die that I got this. My rational side recognizes all of this, but the fear takes over every time and I lose it. The hypochondria is one of the worse factors for me as well. Having watched my mother have a massive heart attack at the age of seventeen has scared me for life. I have always been a bit of a hypochondriac though. Just yesterday I though I was having a stroke at work...turns out it was just a panic attack. Sometimes I think these weird twitches in my pinky finger are signs of early onset Parkinson's. I will google symptoms and convicve myself that I have everyone. In my head its like I am almost conviced that at any given time there is something truly medically wrong with me. i feel weak when I give into these attacks. i feel weak when I call my husband to come get me from work because I can't drive form freaking out so much. I feel weak that I can't just stop having these attacks. how does this go away for so long and then return out of no where. I am frustrated! I am often alone with my kids and I am afraid that something will happen to me when no one else is here and my kids will be afraid and not know what to do. Recently, this fear of being alone has really become worse than ever. I dread it. It is unavoidable as my husband is out of town for weeks at a time with his job. I would appeciate some feedback and support. Am I nuts?