Anxiety over boyfriend and no one to talk to

[evilferret]

My boyfriend is an alcoholic. He uses alcoholic to numb himself and to avoid feeling anything. So he doesn't have to worry about anything. He himself has an anxiety disorder. Every once in a while he has a panic attack. He represses his emotions a lot. And by doing this, he also doesn't communicate well with me. He also is very inconsiderate and self absorbed, which goes along with the alcoholic personality. He blows me off, he doesn't get back to me, he'll give me a time and then leave me waiting around for hours. He rarely texts me back or gets in contact with me when he says he will.

This caused me as you can imagine, severe anxiety. I was having sobbing hysterical "attacks" almost daily. I don't want to call them attacks because I was just hyperventilating and felt a huge knot in my chest and felt like I couldn't breathe normally. It wasn't like a panic attack or anything. I was just really upset, I don't know. I felt worthless, insignificant and just so angry at him for being such a jerk. It made me hate him. I wanted to leave him. I was jittery and panicking on a daily basis all throughout the day. Wanting to depend on him and him NEVER coming through made me so anxious. I can't focus on concentrate on anything. I procrastinate on all my work until the very last minute and my grades are suffering. I can't pay attention in class, I can't even think at all. I can't comprehend anything. I can only think about how angry and anxious he makes me.

Well, i had several break downs with him about this. Every time he never came through. He won't change. We decided to was best to take a "break". But now there's a problem. He's off doing his thing trying to recover from alcoholism and bettering himself for me. He wasn't even aware at the time when he was blowing me off that he was doing anything wrong. When it would happen it never crossed his mind to say sorry, because in his mind he did nothing wrong and just was doing his thing. He has no consideration or respect for me in that regard. So right now he's trying to fix that about himself.

But he says we can't talk. Not having emotional support or him around to talk to AT ALL makes me absolutely anxious and empty more than anything. But he refuses. He says it's the best for both of us. How can it be good for me if I can't do anything? I can't focus on anything i have no idea what to do with myself. I feel so anxious right now in this moment and I'm neglecting to do any homework and it's just awful. I can't do anything. I don't want to do anything. I need emotional support so bad right now and he just can't give it to me. It makes me so mad at him for refusing to give me any support. I mean, he says he can't because he needs to focus on his recovery and that us not actually being together is too hard for him. We sort of broke up, and the fact that I don't want him in my life like that right now because i can't depend on him, he can't talk to me at all.

I don't even know what to do. I set up to meet with a counselor but the closest time wasn't until 10/31/11 at 2pm. What the heck am i going to do for 2 weeks to keep myself above water?

I really just need someone to talk to. If anyone is going through anything similar or just wants to talk, I'd love to and would appreciate it so much. I know this was a long message and I'm so thankful for anyone who reads it.

Thank you.

[PanicCured]

Do you feel in your heart that this relationship is healthy for you? Do you see this ever benefiting your life?

[evilferret]

I do. The only times where I've ever been sad or hurt was when he was drinking and blowing me off. He's extremely supportive in every single way and has been there for me, except when he is drinking. He turns into a different person. If he doesn't change though, I'll have to move on.

[Martintlane]

Hi you say you feel in your heart that the relationship is good for you, then go on to say" I'll have to move on ". One of the first things that you need to do to overcome anxiety is to admit that it effects you and discover the triggers to your issues and then resolve those issues. From what you say your boyfriend is the only cause of your issues.

[PanicCured]

If your boyfriend is an alcoholic then he needs to be in AA doing the 12 steps or he will not get better! He needs to be working on his recovery.

[evilferret]

He is the cause of my issues at the moment, but this anxiety has happened the same way like this as before. It used to happen with my mom, in social situations, etc. I've gotten over those things a little bit. The main thing for me is emotional anxiety. So whatever affects my emotions, I will get anxiety. Even if it's good, I get anxiety because i fear the future and fear of being abandoned.
And he is in AA at the moment and has been sober for a week now! Our relationship has gotten better and we've learned the best way for me to not be as anxious is to communicate. I keep too much inside even though I feel like I talk all the time...

[babymuscles]

Ok here is my opinion based on what I am going through with my counselor. 1. It sounds to me like you have low self esteem based on what I've read and my personal experience. 2. You, like me, try to validate yourself my taking care of others. I call it the "love me principal" as in I do so much for you how can you not love me?"

I don't know how old you are but I'm 31 and finally realizing that I need to love me before anyone else can. That my life does not need to approved or validated by anyone else. Now that doesn't mean I believe that everyday, but I am working on it.

What do YOU love? Figure that out and then throw yourself into it. Be successful at, give yourself something to look forward to, and build your self worth.