halfwayhome
11-25-2006, 04:45 AM
Hey, my name is Steph and I just joined up.
I have GAD, OCD & Panic Disorder. I've had them for as long as I can remember - as a child I was absolutely terrified of people with the exception of my parents and grandmother and things never really changed. I lived like that for a long time without really realizing there was anything wrong. Only in the past few years have I realized that not everyone lives like this - and I'm twenty two. It took me almost twenty years to accept that I have anxiety problems.
Anyway, as of lately things have been out of control. I had a health scare about a month ago that I thought was colon cancer. It turns out it wasn't, but since then I've been terrified that I have some other fatal health condition. Currently, I'm concerned about brain cancer.. upon researching it I realize I had the symptoms. Went to the doctor and the ER. The ER doctor gave me a neurological examination and told me very confidently that he was so certain it wasn't a brain tumor that he didn't even need to do a CT scan. I asked him if he was sure and he said yes. He said it was my anxiety. I don't really believe him.. I hear about people with brain tumors and think it's a sign.. I get a slight headache and I know it's related.. but mostly, I have this weirdness in my right hand & arm.. it's like a numbness sort of, hard to explain.. I had it last year and then it went away.. came back recently. Sometimes I also have pain in th e arm after it feels numb for a long time. I read a story about a guy who had the same problem and it turned out to be a brain tumor.. and it made my anxiety flare up even higher. I hear stories about people who go to doctors and their doctors tell them it's nothing, and then it turns out to be a brain tumor, and I just go into panic attack mode. I have it on my left arm too, but not nearly as bad. I have leg pain sometimes too. My right eye feels.. I don't know, weird.. and at times the right side of my face feels numb-ish, although I still have all feeling and all motor skills.The dcotor at the ER told me that if I had a brain tumor, not all parts of my brain would be functioning and they all were functioning perfectly, but I still don't believe him. I'm having memory loss lately, and the arm thing.. and some dizziness. He says it's all my anxiety. I guess I just don't understand why he was SO sure that he didn't even bother to do the scan.. my boyfriend tells me because it's that obvious that I don't have a tumor, but then again, these people who were misdiagnosed.. they didn't get scans either.
Okay, so as you can clearly see, this is how my mind is working right now. It's 7:09 am and I haven't slept yet tonight because I have myself so worked up that I have a brain tumor, I can't relax enough to sleep. My poor boyfriend is about to go nuts (he's SO supportive, I don't know how he deals with me.) I have not been able to relax lately at all, and it's like I'm constantly living in fear. Yeah. Anxiety.. fun times, huh?
I have GAD, OCD & Panic Disorder. I've had them for as long as I can remember - as a child I was absolutely terrified of people with the exception of my parents and grandmother and things never really changed. I lived like that for a long time without really realizing there was anything wrong. Only in the past few years have I realized that not everyone lives like this - and I'm twenty two. It took me almost twenty years to accept that I have anxiety problems.
Anyway, as of lately things have been out of control. I had a health scare about a month ago that I thought was colon cancer. It turns out it wasn't, but since then I've been terrified that I have some other fatal health condition. Currently, I'm concerned about brain cancer.. upon researching it I realize I had the symptoms. Went to the doctor and the ER. The ER doctor gave me a neurological examination and told me very confidently that he was so certain it wasn't a brain tumor that he didn't even need to do a CT scan. I asked him if he was sure and he said yes. He said it was my anxiety. I don't really believe him.. I hear about people with brain tumors and think it's a sign.. I get a slight headache and I know it's related.. but mostly, I have this weirdness in my right hand & arm.. it's like a numbness sort of, hard to explain.. I had it last year and then it went away.. came back recently. Sometimes I also have pain in th e arm after it feels numb for a long time. I read a story about a guy who had the same problem and it turned out to be a brain tumor.. and it made my anxiety flare up even higher. I hear stories about people who go to doctors and their doctors tell them it's nothing, and then it turns out to be a brain tumor, and I just go into panic attack mode. I have it on my left arm too, but not nearly as bad. I have leg pain sometimes too. My right eye feels.. I don't know, weird.. and at times the right side of my face feels numb-ish, although I still have all feeling and all motor skills.The dcotor at the ER told me that if I had a brain tumor, not all parts of my brain would be functioning and they all were functioning perfectly, but I still don't believe him. I'm having memory loss lately, and the arm thing.. and some dizziness. He says it's all my anxiety. I guess I just don't understand why he was SO sure that he didn't even bother to do the scan.. my boyfriend tells me because it's that obvious that I don't have a tumor, but then again, these people who were misdiagnosed.. they didn't get scans either.
Okay, so as you can clearly see, this is how my mind is working right now. It's 7:09 am and I haven't slept yet tonight because I have myself so worked up that I have a brain tumor, I can't relax enough to sleep. My poor boyfriend is about to go nuts (he's SO supportive, I don't know how he deals with me.) I have not been able to relax lately at all, and it's like I'm constantly living in fear. Yeah. Anxiety.. fun times, huh?