finally found my trigger, now what?

[richy1991]

hey all
iv finally found my trigger
my anxiety started after my girlfriend went home after i spent so many days and nights with her

last thursday my girlfriend came to mine and stayed over, the friday we went to blackpool for a weekend away. the sunday we were coming back i felt anxious cus i knew my girlfriend was going to be going home that night. however when we got home my girlfriend decided to stay and soon as i knew that i felt soo much better and was fine for the rest of the night. this morning came around and i felt anxious, throughout today i was fine, this evening came and i felt the most anxious iv felt in a long time

i understand stress is a factor and dosnt help but im sure this is where my problem lies

any feedback would be great thanks
richy

[surfmonkey]

richy is your trigger being alone? is it your girlfriend leaving you in specific? any dependancy issue? im going through something similar thats why i ask :) if you have any more details id love to try and shed some light

[evilferret]

I can relate to this so much Richy. Whenever I'm not with my boyfriend (now we're on a break) i feel intense anxiety and my thoughts run wild. I miss him. I need him. I have no idea what to do without him. I feel jealous that he's not with me and at work or with other people and drinking. I feel like I need him around to function and feel at peace. Otherwise I get anxious and like I have a huge void not just in my life, but inside me. Do you feel like this at all?

[Martintlane]

Hi richy If being away from your girlfriend makes you anxious try talking to her about it. You may find that she feels the same way about leaving you and she doesn't want to go either. If this is the only thing that is causing your anxiety and you both feel the same then why not live together

[Brad72]

Quite often it is that when your partner is around your mind is occupied, but when they leave you are left with your own thoughts with nothing to distract it. You almost get that I am not strong enough to do this alone feeling.

When my anxiety was particularly bad and my wife and kids went out for the night I would get terrible anxiety and couldn't relax. My mind would flitter from thought to thought, all negative, and made me feel terrible. I would give the house a clean to occupy my mind which was good at the time but by no means fixed the problem.

It was not till I leant to sit with these thoughts and feeling that things began to improve. I soon realised that the thoughts cannot hurt me and I am much stronger than my anxiety would have me believe. I now find that when my wife and kids go out can look forward to them getting home to hear about what they did and how pleased they are to see me, rather than worry

[evilferret]

Hi Brad, I just want to say what you just is so right. That is actually so helpful to me as well, and you've made me realize something. I hope it's helpful for richy too! Thank you so much Brad.

[babymuscles]

I have the same anxiety Richy...Answer me this. In past relationships who did the leaving your or her? In my only long term relationships (yr or more) the man did the leaving, while I would hang on and do whatever it took to fix it, so now when my boyfriend leaves or his preoccupied it sets my anxiety off and I worry I've done something.

My counselor and I are now working on co dependency issues...