Terror & Need Friends Working Recovery

[Razzle]

I have had an anxiety disorder many years and actually went 20 years in full recovery. In 2007 I went into a tailspin and in 2010 I gave up and took a few doses of an antidepressant and had a major adverse reaction that has not let up in 14 months.

I am in near terror 24/7 and don’t know if it is my old anxiety or the drug reaction. I have many symptoms like full body jerking that I never had in anxiety.

Has anyone else's anxiety reached full terror that just goes on and on that has not been caused by a drug?

I cant take drugs (went through serious benzo withdrawal in 1991) so I have to do other recovery work. I would love to have other anxiety friends to talk to in the USA.

I am happily married to a wonderful, supportive wife, I am well educated and into everything healthy and have great compassion for us all. If you would like to support and be supported, share recovery ideas I would love to talk

[jessed03]

Hi Razzle,

Really sucks you're feeling this way. Unfortunately I'm not from the US, and am at a different stage in my recovery.

I just wanted to share my experience with terror. I felt this terror, pretty much 24/7. It lasted months and months. I actually did become suicidal; if I didn't have a loving family, and more gut's (for want of a better phrase) I would have gone through with it. It was the type of terror where I couldn't leave bed. I would lie down, with the covers pulled over me, and it was so awful, I would have such rapid mood swings that the best way I could describe it was it felt as though I was being severely whipped.

For me it started to change after I referred myself to an emergency mental health team, and I was sent to a day clinic for people recovering from mental breakdowns. I would like to tell you I discovered a system for breaking out of that, but I didn't. The only thing I think that helped me was exhaustion. I reached a stage of utter emotional and physical burnout. Where I literally stopped caring. I just let go of my ego, let go of my relationships, let go of all my desires, in a way that was different to depression. Depression is not caring, and it wasn't that I didn't care, I had just submitted. As months went on things sort of changed for me, that terror had lessened to only 30% of my life. As I encorporated more healthy strategies, it reduced to 10%.I really got into Zen. It just sort of worked for me. Now instead of submitting to nothing, I sort of submit to 'the laws of the universe', some things just are as they are, and no more.

I'm not really sure if you can take anything from my post. But maybe you can take one thing. Even when things seem totally lost, sometimes, out of nowhere, you can fluke it. Things just suddenly start to change, a new wave takes over.

I truly hope you find what you're looking for, but at the very least, well, I'm here if you fancy a chat.

[Razzle]

Jessed

Thanks for the thoughtful post. I have been doing meditation for years. I would be so grateful for a positive wave. I went over 20 years with no anxiety then a lot of stress and health triggers and I am sicker than ever in my life.

I know now that I thoght I was cured and did nto respect that it still lurked just below the surface.

Blessings

[jessed03]

Hey Razzle,

I'm really interested in your description of 'terror'. From your posts, and by your mannerism, I can tell you're a very intelligent guy, who has also been in tune with things. As a seasoned anxiety sufferer, where does your current terror stem from? You have great knowledge of the mechanical process of anxiety, I can't imagine you being scared of heart palpitations, nor can I imagine you reading into the misfired signals that the body is producing. Does the terror stem from a more spiritual standpoint; are you scared of being unfulfilled, letting people down or disappearing? Perhaps you're scared of the dark side of the mind, the infinite trauma that could await us at any moment? Or is it bodily terror, with a calm mind? Is there a particular event or memory that is stems from (you don't have to reveal anything uncomfortable).

Maybe I missed the mark altogether. :)

[Razzle]

Jesssed

The present terror is from antidepressant withdrawal I stopped 14 months ago - 1000 times worse then my original anxiety which could be bad at times