How has anxiety affected your marriage?

[cperezmail]

I could use a bit of perspective. My husband and I have had a lot of marital problems since our first daughter was born 4 1/2 years ago. A little before becoming pregnant with her I was diagnosed with GAD and panic disorder. I briefly tried Zoloft but felt terrible on it and haven't taken any other meds. Basically, I think I might be a total pain in the butt to live with because of the anxiety. I have a hard time just accepting the way he wants to live (being messy, losing his things, not being mindful of the time, the way he plays with the kids, etc. etc.) if it doesn't exactly match what my expectations are. I'm irritated with him all the time, constantly telling him what to do and criticizing him. I feel badly about doing it and vow not to, but then a few hours later I'm at it again. He's understandably fed up with it. I'm just wondering how anxiety has affected your marriage and if control issues are a big deal? Any good strategies for dealing with this?

[inescapable]

It does sound like your anxiety is playing a role in your problems. What helps in my marriage is being open with him about my anxiety, fears and embarrassing weaknesses. When he knows that I know they are a problem and I work on them a little each day, he doesn't hold against me. You may want to consider telling him what you are telling us on this forum. He may appreciate your self awareness.

[surfmonkey]

def have issues in my marriage. i feel like i constantly tell my husband hes not doing enough or isnt spending enough time with me or isnt being there when i desperately need him. im turning into a control freak and a mom! im his lover not his mom :/ i feel like since i dont have a job im not contributing to the relationship and i cant ask for help around the house bc he works and i dont. i depend on him severely. he loves to go out all the time at random and do anything he feels like doing but i just cant be that way bc of the anxiety. im trying to make him happy bc when i tried making me happy he just shuts down. when i tell him about my issues and my problems he suddenly gets depressed and says stuff like "i dont wanna wake up tomorrow. im sick of always being tired" i hate my anxiety so much :/

[Schatmeisje]

I have the same problem, I feel like my partner is my 'carer' not my partner as i have agoraphobia as well as GAD and PD. I get very anxious when he makes mess around the house, as it taes a lot for me to be able to clean it all up while he is at work the next day, and i really like to be in control. I guess we like to be in control because anxiety etc are such unpredictable disorders, so we never know what the next day, or even the next few hours will be like.
I like to have everything organised and under control so that if everything turns bad, and i cant do much, it is still under control.
One thing that has worked so well for us, is that he comes along to my psychologist sessions with me, so it is more like we are battlingt hrough this together, and have both learnt a lot as we go along. He will buy me a present if i manage to go out of the house and makes me feel like i have acheived something amazing.
I think it is very hard for them to understand why we have to be prepared etc, maybe tell him why and explain that there are so many things that we cant control, so the things that we can control, we like to be in order, and also the fact that we cant be spontaneous, and let him know it can make you more stressed with the mess etc (thats what i had to explain to my partner) .
I know you feel bad, and i do to ( a lot of the time) but we do have a disorder, and we need to be able to cope with it as best we can. xx