Where are my feelings? Gone for good? Help

[OCD]

Hello AnxietyForum,

I am 23 years old.
I still live at home.
And i am Male.


Symtoms:

Strange feelings in my shoulders, uplifting and inward tingling pressure like something cannot escape.
Wrists feel little bit wierd also
Stomache problems (Having this for a couple years already) Feels a bit stronger and more uncomfortable now but might be Anxiety.
Sleeping allot (more then 10 hours) at wrong times.


The strange thing:
Right now i am calm.
I dont think i am depressed.

Where are my feelings? How to access.

But i cannot feel emotions. When i wanna cry
or feel something special. It feels like my shoulders and upper arms get ill. Like you being sick.
And my emotion cannot escape? Its making me so weird.

Its making me think its something phsyical.
But i need to know what phsyicalness can cause this or sickness.

I am afraid i wont be able to feel emotions anymore that i have turned into some kind of schizo.
Can these things be so sudden?

What i would like to know is if, and how, i can get my feelings back again.


What might have triggered it:

I am fighting against OCD.
I have been really mean against my mom. (but i was trying to help her)
She did go look for help because of it now. But i think i did not do it in a humane way. (kinda worried i did something wrong)
Something with my Stomache?
I have been eating allot of eggs (4 a day). But with vegetables


I have tried allot of things by now:

I have tried to look at pictures of pretty forests and feeling the goodness. *did not work*
I am not enjoying the feeling of sun on my skin anymore.
And i am not enjoying conversations but rather just observing them. Plain with no empathy.
I tried sexual pictures. *not arousing me anymore*
I tried breathing exercises. *not working*


I do have really small episodes where little of this comes back.
And i try to hold on too them but it just fades away again.

Everything feels strange... *right now i feel like i have to cry but i cant*

Every time i want to feel something. I feel this pressure from both my shoulders into my chest.
Its like i know how i should feel but it wont come out.

Its so horrible i just want to do something like cry. I need to release an emotion.
Because i cannot live like this anymore.

Its been about 4 or 5 days now..

And then i read on the internet that it can be permanent.

So that means i am dead already?

I am not depressed.
Because i don't feel depressed i just feel emotionless.

Its so hard to explain... Its trying to come from my stomache and chest. But its stuck there? Thats the best i can explain right now.


PLEASE HELP Please please i beg you.




I would give away my legs to feel again.

[jessed03]

Hey OCD,

I'll write you a small post from my personal experience. I battled very bad OCD for a long time, along with anxiety and panic attacks. During the peak of my problems, I too didn't feel any emotion. I would look at my beautiful girlfriend, and feel nothing, look at my baby cousin, and feel nothing. I would get letters saying I would be getting a pay rise, and letters saying I'm getting charged extra amounts on my loan... Either way, I felt nothing.

Without getting too techical, your brain is in crisis mode. It is in a method of heighted alertness, a method where it believes there is danger. Due to it believing daily that it is in danger, it obviously isn't bothering to create certain chemicals, needed to create that feeling of satisfaction and joy. Afterall, who would care about joy, when a Tiger's about to pounce? The deceiving thing is, you're feeling too much, too much that it's overwhelmed you, so your mind has had to create a certain numbness in order to lower stress.

The key is, don't keep affirming to yourself that you don't feel. This will just create a habit of beliefs, which in turn will keep continuing the cycle. Instead, when you find yourself thinking these things, reaffirm to yourself "I see that my body is healing itself, it may take time, but it will get there.

What has happened, is that your brain has shut part of it off, in order to be able to heal itself. It's working at 40% capacity now, whilst the other 60% is focused on recouperating and healing.

In the meantime, you need to focus on ways to lower anxiety. If you read the symptoms list on this forum, you'll see "Emotional bluntness" is a common side effect of anxiety. There are many things to do to lower it. Do you take any therapy at all? It sounds like getting a good therapist would be helpful, and may be neccasary in order to total overcome OCD. Also introducing relaxation to your day will help. Go onto Youtube, and type in Deep Muscle Relaxation. It takes around 10 minutes and is a great tool to gradually lower stress levels.

If you have the money, on Amazon is a book called The Anxiety And Phobia Workbook. I can testify this book is very good. Also, Jeffrey Scwartz - Brain Lock is very good, and I found it helpful in combination with other Therapies in getting on top of OCD.

Sadly, you need to implement the right strategies in order to recover, and this is such a broad spectrum. Once you've gotten a recovery plan into place, time will help things return to normal. It may be helpful to see your doctor, to get the situation properly assessed.

Stay strong my friend. Hope is always alive. The things you read on the internet are anecdotal, for most people, when proper courses of action are taken, outstanding recoveries very often happen. But you MUST stop forcing it. My wise old grandmother said "A watched kettle, never boils" By trying yo force something, or paying too much attention to it, you are actually enhancing the numbness. It's like when you repeat a word over and over again, it loses it's meaning. The same with anazlying feelings, when you focus on feeling, you'll find it isn't there. It has to come as an after affect to a situation.

Also, give Forwells a message. He's been on this forum for ages, and is a veteran anxiety sufferer, as well as a very patient, and understand guy. He'll help you further in finding a recovery plan. Also, feel free to respond to this, and ask any questions, or vent any frustration. We've all been there, we all listen, and we're all here to help. :)

J