Relationships and Guilt

[Schatmeisje]

Gahhhh, I feel so guilty for being like I am sometimes, my partner has been so supportive of me since i have been battling on with GAD and PD, but its the guilt that I fell that is really starting to get to me. Sometimes I feel like it just isnt fair to expect him to live like this with me, instead of being in a 'normal' relationship where they can go out and see a movie, or go out and have a meal, or just hang around with a group of friends, as this is all stuff that i cant do.
Now i am battling with the thought of telling him i dont love him, just so that he will leave and go and live his life how he should be living it (of course it isnt true, he is my world) and then on the other hand i wonder how long it will take before he gets bored of living with me like i am, and decides to go, so maybe i should just do it now instead of having it happen another 12 months down the track.
Has nayone else had this problem?

[ginaz]

I have had that feeling. A lot, actually. My husband and I have been together since we were 17 and in the last 6 months I have really been battling with my axiety. I just look at him and feel so sad. He just wants to help, to fix it, and I know that he is unconditionally there for me, but I feel like it's unfair. He tries so hard and every time I think I'm making progress and I have another issue or attack, I see it in his eyes. He is going through this just like I am and I get so sad because it isn't fair. I wonder how long before he throws his hands up in frustration and walks out. All I can say is he hasn't yet, thank god. I wonder if it would be easier on him without me. He could find a normal girl and live a happy life. But I have told him this and he surprised me. He told me if he knew we had to do this everyday, he still would stay. We talked for a while and everytime I even dance around this issue he gets pissed. All I can say is he clearly supports you and seems like he is in it for the long run. I need my husband now more than ever and I think that you leaving him thinking it will be better for him is a mistake. A mistake for you because you clearly love him, you clearly need the support, and he clearly loves you and is willing to give that support. If it really wears on you, you should talk to your partner, but don't make any rash decisions. I know what your going through, but partners are partners for a reason, and if you love him, you should fight for him and yourself. And, talking about this to your partner will make you both feel better and your relationship will be stronger.

[fallingthin]

I have been seeing my boyfriend for almost a year and recently I have been wondering the same thing with him. I feel bad because panic attacks have sent him home late sometimes. I feel like I'm forcing him to stick around because he wants to fix me. You aren't alone. It probably isnt the best idea to break off a relationship because of fear though.

[Schatmeisje]

Thank you all for your responses, at least i know im not alone in feeling guilty. I think it just frustrates me seeing him try so hard to help me and it just is such a long process.
Kev, thanks so much, i have taken on board what you have said and you are right, when i think about a 'normal' relationship, i easily forget how awful some peoples relationships are...im going to look on the plus side..in 3.5 years we have never had a disagreement or argument- so that has to be good, and we do get along so well, which is something that not everyone in other relationships has i guess, we have the most stress free relationship i have ever heard of, and all our friends make fun of us because we are so easy going and calm (except for my gad and pd that is..lol).

You are also right about me saying 'things i cant do' of course i can do it, and as you have said , i have done it for 35 years and i am bloody well determined to do it again!!!!!

In some ways i am so positive, whenever i talk to my partner i say 'when i get better' i never think i will be like this forever, i know i am too strong and determined not to beat this.

i have spoken to him, and said i wanted to break up, and he asked why, so i said 'i dont love you'. He laughed, and said 'bullshit, yes you do and im NOT leaving' and i started laughing which broke the ice, so we had a talk about it and now i feel heaps better.
He said the way he see's it, this is the best relationship he has ever been in, and then he pointed out the fact that we geenrally didnt like going out all that much when i was well anyway, we preferred sports and exercise mostly, so he feels that things havent changed as much as i have made them out to have changed. He said he doesnt mind doing the shopping etc and will never leave as we are in this together, which is really nice, and then said that once i am better i owe him a year off doing the grocery shopping to make me laugh.

Kev, your response is just what i needed, sometimes i need someone to whip me back into the right frame of mind, and you have certainly done that, thanks you sooooo much and good luck to everyone xxxxxxxx