Advice..Please

[Catina]

I am 21 female and i just got married oct 2010. It was one if the most amazing days of my life. but as happy as i was it was one of the saddest days,my own father wasn't there, by his own choice. he choose to be a nascar race. this is the man who said he would stand by me no matter what even if he knew i was wrong. my Parents have been divorced for 21 years as of this past april. i was raised by my mother and my step dad who has stepped up and fixed what my own father broke. but now that i am older my anxiety from child abuse as a kid has become increasingly worse. and i believe it because my father has turned his back on me and cant support me and my husband in our new life. i have been recently diagnosed with depression caused by severe anxiety and ptsd. my husband is this most support i have ever had and he is helping my cope but its so bad i hardly sleep at night... i have an appointment till july 25th with another therapist. so if anyone has any ways to cope that works for them i would appreciate any advice given
thank you all

[tommyf]

Hi Catina,
This is a post I put on another thread, thought it might help. If you would like to talk about sleeping, let me know as I have had issues with sleep too.
Tapping the meridian points is amazing, somehow it releases the emotion attached to thoughts and it does it very quickly, on utube search for "eft tapping points - shortcut method". While tapping just say what is making you feel anxious and try to get to the point of feeling the anxiety while you are doing the tapping. You can keep doing it over and over if you want. Let me know if you need more info. Britney, the tightness you feel is the anxiety and because you give it energy it gets worse.

That is the absolute key to reducing anxiety. Take away the energy you give it and it will reduce. Like i said its like a bully - react to it and it keeps poking you, ignore it, and this is the tough bit, you stay with the anxiety, you dont reassure it, you let it be and then it reduces, the bully isnt getting the reaction so it goes!!! Trust me I know and I tried everything!!! If you really want to beat it, this is the only way, otherwise it just keeps pushing you around and ruling your life. Its tough but once you sit with the anxiety and realise that its just a horrible feeling that passes, happens it looses its power. Britney, I take it you have had loads of times of feeling the way you have, thinking the worst was going to happen, but you are still here!!!! One of the most ironic things a therapist once told me was that people with anxiety issues are actually fitter than equivalent people without anxiety issues!! Why? Because the fight or flight mechanism gets the heart going and the blood pumping which is physically good for us! This leads me on to my next point, if you can productively use the chemicals that are released from the result of anxiety then this does wonders. What I mean is physical exercise. Anxiety triggers the fight or flight response, in caveman days we either fought, fled or ended up as dinner for someone!! Thats what these chemicals were for. The problem is now we dont fight or flee, we just sit there feeling shit!! One of the best things you can do is use up these chemicals by doing exercise. If you can go for a walk, run, swim, workout or cycle - great. If not, there are plenty of things you can do inside - star jumps, sit ups, press ups, running on the spot or my favorite which is shadow boxing. Even if you have never thrown a punch in your life - try it!! imagine you are giving your anxiety a bit of a kicking!!!! Physical ex also increases seratonin which is really important for people like us. Yes breathing is good, diaphramatic breathing is the best but even if you just take some slow breaths and concentrate on the whole action, that is good. Something I was told to do as well is to make a list each day of all the things that you are thankful for. Dont worry if you dont really feel like you do appreciate these things, thats not the point. The point is to shift your thinking, to break the chain of worry. It can be anything, eg the fact I have clean fresh running water whenever I want, the fact I can see, the birds singing, seeing other people being kind to each other. Try it, you might be amazed at what you can find when you start looking!! Yoga is great for releasing stress from the body and improving you health, again really simple beginners videos on utube. Trying to keep your attention in the present moment, there is nothing else you can deal with apart from what is happening now. This takes practice as the mind is constantly trying to pull you in to the future to worry about things but this is so draining. Whenever your mind wanders just gently bring it back to the present moment, look around, take some breaths, feel yourself sitting there now. It might be uncomfortable because of the anxiety but if you run from it you will never be free and like i said if you sit with it without reacting, it will reduce. Ok, how do you treat yourself? Are you kind and gentle to yourself or do you give yourself a hard time and feel bad about feeling how you do? The simplest way out of this is to ask yourself how would you treat your best friend if they were in the same situation? what would you say to them to help them feel better? Try it. Once you start being nice to yourself, everything is so much easier.
Basically its all about awareness, if you can watch when your mind starts to throw worries up and not give it the energy and focus on something in the present moment, you are on the way home. It takes practice but it works. When that voice comes in and says "this wont work for me" or "Im no good at this, why isnt it working" just notice it and dont give it energy and you are winning. Practice, Patience, Presence (being in the now)
I KNOW you can get through this because I have and I thought all was lost.
Any questions just ask
Loads of Love
Tx

[Gladys]

Dear Catina,

I'm sorry to hear about your problems.

You have a PTSD diagnosis and I want to get one, because I want it to be treated. At the moment I'm seeing a Cognitive Behavioural Therapist. Her method is to address the symptoms of anxiety, help to change my behaviour because of it and hopefully this change will alter my emotions towards my fear.

The thing is I believe what I've experienced goes far deeper and needs to be addressed first. I don't see how I can ever improve if my own trauma is ignored.

I think this is similar for you. That you need to acknowledge the child abuse to a therapist and hopefully learn to live with everything you lost, and I can't pretend to know what that is. Only then will the anxiety even make sense to you. Mine doesn't to me after so many years.

I'm sorry about your family problems. That alone can't be easy for you. However, you've not long married and it's said that in order to leave the past, you have to create your own future. It seems you're doing that and sounds as if it's no more than you deserve.

Good luck and best wishes,



Gladys

PS: By the way, how did your appointment with the therapist go?