jazz92
06-24-2011, 09:08 AM
Hello. I'm new to this Forum but I would really appreciate some help and advice. I've had GAD my whole life and within the last 2 years has come along with depression. I am currently on sertraline (Zoloft family) and speaking to a therapist but I feel as though I'm getting worse and worse. Today being the worst of all, my thoughts have turned suicidal. It's not even that I think no one cares it's just... I can't take the pain any longer, I can't take the emptiness or the numbness. I feel this constant fear, I feel afraid of everything and recently I've noticed that anything that could make me happy I instead feel dread and panic. For instance, My family home of 14 years is selling and I'm moving out on my own for school. School and moving, which had excited me in the past is now terrifying me. The worst of it all is that my boyfriend whom had always been my comfort when afraid has now turned into the focus of my fear as well. We are moving in together as he will be going to the same school. My family likes him well enough but doesn't think we're right for each other and the doubts have been crawling into my head. Suddenly I pushed him away, I feel cold towards him and as if I don't love him anymore even though I know I do. When I think of us moving out together now I feel absolute panic instead of anticipation as I once did. He's heartbroken at the moment because I felt that sharing my feelings with him would make me feel better. It didn't, instead I feel like a horrible person for making him feel like I don't love him and feel as though I will be breaking up with him. I only have 2 months left before we move, the problem is, I can't tell if I am so afraid because of my anxiety or if I really have fallen out of love with him. Please help me, I'm terrified, numb and empty... I just don't know how muh longer I can take this...
Sorry for writing so much =S
Sorry for writing so much =S