Konidias
11-02-2006, 07:38 AM
Let me get started by saying that I suffered through anxiety and agoraphobia for five full years but I have since been living a normal and healthy life with very little anxiety (except for the normal kind!).
It started when I was around 17 years old and lasted until I was 22. I was in a car accident when I was 17 and it was a life changing experience. But not in a good way. I became a shut-in and stayed on my computer all day. Eventually it got to the point where I started having panic attacks and anxiety all day long and I had no idea what was happening. Finally I went to the doctor but he was just as clueless. He thought I had asthma so he prescribed asthma medication to me to help with my "breathing problems". Which as you may have guessed, didn't help me at all.
It wasn't until I researched online that I discovered what it was that I had. I knew right away that I didn't want to live like I was living. Staying up all night because I was too panicked to sleep, worrying about every little normal body function that I had, not being able to go outside without getting sick and feeling faint, etc.
So over the 5 years I tried all sorts of things to make myself "better". I thought I was losing my mind several times and became depressed on many occasions. When I confronted my doctor about my disorder, he threw medication at me again, as if that is the answer... which it wasn't.
The medicine did nothing for me except make me dizzy and tired. I took Paxil and Xanax and neither were helping me and I was becoming more paranoid about taking drugs to "fix" myself anyway. Then the day came where I couldn't get the same type of Xanax I was taking and I didn't want to take the other generic brand they were offering because it was known to have "side effects", and lord knows that someone with anxiety and panic attacks doesn't want to hear anything about side effects.
So I stopped taking the meds cold turkey. I started forcing myself to go out in my back yard and walk around. I forced myself to ride with my family to pick up fast food or whatever it was that was quick and could get me home easily. Let me tell you, forcing yourself out in public is not an easy thing to do. I'm sure a lot of you know that. I would totally freak out and scare my mom to death. It felt like I couldn't breathe, I always felt like I was nearly about to pass out (but not surprisingly, I never once fainted).
Then some obstacles thrown in my life forced me to face my fears against my own will. Power outages from storms that made me suffer with no electricity (no tv or computer to comfort me), being forced to move houses several times which caused a ton of panicking but I made it through anyway. Then two years ago there was a power outage during winter that lasted almost a full week. We had to burn logs in the house to keep warm (and I'm sure most can agree that smelling burning things just freaks you out), we had to sleep in the car when the house smelled too bad (and that's practically like sleeping outside, which is something I never thought I'd do again), we had to drive countless miles on weather beaten roads to relatives houses to spend the night... It was just an anxiety sufferer's worst nightmare.
But after it was all over I had more confidence. I started forcing myself to walk around the neighborhood alone, and I did it. I started forcing myself to ride with my mom more often when she went to pick up food and stuff, and over time, I became less and less anxious doing it. Then came a huge step in my life... I was going to meet a girl I had been dating over the internet (I know, I'm a big geek) for quite some time. We were going to meet in Chicago for a weekend. (which meant a 2 hour FLIGHT for me) But I loved this girl so much that I was willing to take all of theses risks, and deep inside, I knew I wanted to do it for myself as well.
So I flew... in a plane... by myself... for 2 hours. The plane didn't crash. I didn't freak out and make a fool of myself... Sure I felt exhausted after the plane landed because I was on the edge of my seat the whole time, but it was worth it! After I landed at O'Hare Airport (one of the LARGEST airports in the country, I later found out) I somehow managed to walk for what seemed like miles through this airport passing hundreds of people. Sure I felt a little anxious and lightheaded... here I am hundreds of miles away from home by myself, meeting someone that I'm not even sure will be there... Talk about putting yourself in an anxiety filled situation!
But I managed to find the front exit and I also managed to meet the girl of my dreams. Of course, being around her made everything easier and definitely took my mind off of my anxious thoughts. Things were going great and then another obstacle was thrown in my path... She had to leave early. Oh no... so now I was going to be stuck in Chicago for an entire day by myself!? Here I am, a guy who couldn't even walk a mile from his house without running home as fast as he could, and now I'm hundreds of miles from home or anyone I even knew!
But not only did I make it through that day, but I even ventured out of the hotel room and bought some souvenirs and things. Then I took a bus back to the airport by myself... Got my ticket by myself, found my way to my terminal by myself... and flew two hours on a plane back home.
Talk about something I never would have DREAMED of doing when I had full-blown anxiety/panic disorder!
So anyway, today I'm nearly 100% cured and I even WANT to go out places and go do things. I'm getting a job and driving a car and doing all of the things I missed out on for those 5 years. I'm here to let everyone know that it CAN be beaten, and that I'm not just saying it for no reason... I know it's hard to believe that it can be beaten but trust me, I had it bad. Like not even wanting to leave one room in my house bad. Like afraid of everything bad.
But here I am, happy and healthy! So I'm here to help out anyone who wants help, because I always told myself that once I got better, I'd help others do the same. I'll be happy to talk with you about your anxiety no matter what it might be.
You really don't have to live your entire life in fear. If you've already suffered for more than 5 years than you have suffered far too long!
It started when I was around 17 years old and lasted until I was 22. I was in a car accident when I was 17 and it was a life changing experience. But not in a good way. I became a shut-in and stayed on my computer all day. Eventually it got to the point where I started having panic attacks and anxiety all day long and I had no idea what was happening. Finally I went to the doctor but he was just as clueless. He thought I had asthma so he prescribed asthma medication to me to help with my "breathing problems". Which as you may have guessed, didn't help me at all.
It wasn't until I researched online that I discovered what it was that I had. I knew right away that I didn't want to live like I was living. Staying up all night because I was too panicked to sleep, worrying about every little normal body function that I had, not being able to go outside without getting sick and feeling faint, etc.
So over the 5 years I tried all sorts of things to make myself "better". I thought I was losing my mind several times and became depressed on many occasions. When I confronted my doctor about my disorder, he threw medication at me again, as if that is the answer... which it wasn't.
The medicine did nothing for me except make me dizzy and tired. I took Paxil and Xanax and neither were helping me and I was becoming more paranoid about taking drugs to "fix" myself anyway. Then the day came where I couldn't get the same type of Xanax I was taking and I didn't want to take the other generic brand they were offering because it was known to have "side effects", and lord knows that someone with anxiety and panic attacks doesn't want to hear anything about side effects.
So I stopped taking the meds cold turkey. I started forcing myself to go out in my back yard and walk around. I forced myself to ride with my family to pick up fast food or whatever it was that was quick and could get me home easily. Let me tell you, forcing yourself out in public is not an easy thing to do. I'm sure a lot of you know that. I would totally freak out and scare my mom to death. It felt like I couldn't breathe, I always felt like I was nearly about to pass out (but not surprisingly, I never once fainted).
Then some obstacles thrown in my life forced me to face my fears against my own will. Power outages from storms that made me suffer with no electricity (no tv or computer to comfort me), being forced to move houses several times which caused a ton of panicking but I made it through anyway. Then two years ago there was a power outage during winter that lasted almost a full week. We had to burn logs in the house to keep warm (and I'm sure most can agree that smelling burning things just freaks you out), we had to sleep in the car when the house smelled too bad (and that's practically like sleeping outside, which is something I never thought I'd do again), we had to drive countless miles on weather beaten roads to relatives houses to spend the night... It was just an anxiety sufferer's worst nightmare.
But after it was all over I had more confidence. I started forcing myself to walk around the neighborhood alone, and I did it. I started forcing myself to ride with my mom more often when she went to pick up food and stuff, and over time, I became less and less anxious doing it. Then came a huge step in my life... I was going to meet a girl I had been dating over the internet (I know, I'm a big geek) for quite some time. We were going to meet in Chicago for a weekend. (which meant a 2 hour FLIGHT for me) But I loved this girl so much that I was willing to take all of theses risks, and deep inside, I knew I wanted to do it for myself as well.
So I flew... in a plane... by myself... for 2 hours. The plane didn't crash. I didn't freak out and make a fool of myself... Sure I felt exhausted after the plane landed because I was on the edge of my seat the whole time, but it was worth it! After I landed at O'Hare Airport (one of the LARGEST airports in the country, I later found out) I somehow managed to walk for what seemed like miles through this airport passing hundreds of people. Sure I felt a little anxious and lightheaded... here I am hundreds of miles away from home by myself, meeting someone that I'm not even sure will be there... Talk about putting yourself in an anxiety filled situation!
But I managed to find the front exit and I also managed to meet the girl of my dreams. Of course, being around her made everything easier and definitely took my mind off of my anxious thoughts. Things were going great and then another obstacle was thrown in my path... She had to leave early. Oh no... so now I was going to be stuck in Chicago for an entire day by myself!? Here I am, a guy who couldn't even walk a mile from his house without running home as fast as he could, and now I'm hundreds of miles from home or anyone I even knew!
But not only did I make it through that day, but I even ventured out of the hotel room and bought some souvenirs and things. Then I took a bus back to the airport by myself... Got my ticket by myself, found my way to my terminal by myself... and flew two hours on a plane back home.
Talk about something I never would have DREAMED of doing when I had full-blown anxiety/panic disorder!
So anyway, today I'm nearly 100% cured and I even WANT to go out places and go do things. I'm getting a job and driving a car and doing all of the things I missed out on for those 5 years. I'm here to let everyone know that it CAN be beaten, and that I'm not just saying it for no reason... I know it's hard to believe that it can be beaten but trust me, I had it bad. Like not even wanting to leave one room in my house bad. Like afraid of everything bad.
But here I am, happy and healthy! So I'm here to help out anyone who wants help, because I always told myself that once I got better, I'd help others do the same. I'll be happy to talk with you about your anxiety no matter what it might be.
You really don't have to live your entire life in fear. If you've already suffered for more than 5 years than you have suffered far too long!