Very frustrated!

[ZOOTV]

It seems the wheels fall off at around 3pm each day and I start to have negative thoughts about my partner leaving or cheating on me. I have been diagnosed by my General Practitioner as having generalised anxiety.

In my last relationship I cheated 4 times on my partner and I carry a lot of guilt pertaining to that and don't know how to forgive myself for it. It comes up a lot in my new relationship and my partner is very supportive but frustrated with my constant questions of "Do you love", "Do you still want to marry me", "Are you going to dump me", "Are you going to leave me" and the answers are always the same though I can never take her word for it. I find myself constantly looking for problems and holes in an attempt to see if she really means that she loves me.

There is a guy at work I am sure that likes her in a more than colleague way and I feel he will steal her away from me though again my partner assures me there is no possibility because she loves me and only wants me.

I get that intense feeling in my chest and around my biceps like adrenaline and it is uncomfortable. I was put onto a tablet called concorze though I went off it as it interfered with sexual performance i.e I couldn't orgasm and it made me feel more anxious as I thought she would leave me or seek pleasure elsewhere.

I am having a hard time of this though today seems better as I have tried to occupy myself as much as possible.

Is there any way to sort these horrible thoughts? I don't want to accuse my partner all the time. She knows it is anxiety though I don't want to push her away.

[Itz Omi]

Hi there,

If you can't control your anxiety, at least please try to control your tongue and stop grilling her. Since this is a new relationship, things are fresh, and infatuation can cover "a multitude of sins." But it's going to get old eventually, and then she WILL dump you for someone who has his stuff together. (Unless she is the type who is attracted to guys with issues, which is actually quite common!)

I don't mean to make you feel worse, but if you've cheated multiple times yet you're badgering your new lady for possibly cheating, you haven't truly dealt with your own shortcomings. What you're doing is making it all about "someone else" - in a way, you're trying to place the blame elsewhere, though you know YOU have the problem - that's why you're so guilt-ridden and anxious. Please get some counseling to work out why you cheated in the first place, because unfortunately there's nothing anyone can say here on a message board that will help the situation. Carrying around that guilt isn't going to do you or anyone else any good. You deserve to be happy as does your new lady, and you can "give back" by being the best boyfriend you can possibly be.

[Hubert]

Hi
I have anxiety quite like yours, first I was questioning my girlfriend over stupid things like "are you gonna leave me" and "do you still love me" etc I was convincing myself that she will walk on me because I am such a miserable and depressed person. I also got it from my previous relationship but my ex left me, after cheating on me. So I thought it's gonna happen again. But I pull myself together because I would lost her. Try hard, it's not easy I know, but it's something you have to do, not only for your sake but for hers!
Good luck and be strong! You are not alone!

[LilyRose]

Hi
I have to agree with Itz Omi. From a female point of view anyway. If you cheated yourself, then you are going to assume others do it too, it doesnt occur that some people have got other things to worry about. If you continue as you are she will indeed leave you, you will drive her away. Buck your ideas up mate!!! If your anxiety is to blame, then get some counselling, if you dont sort this out, she will definitely get fed up, sorry if this sounds harsh, but unforunately this is the hard truth

[Dex]

Forwells is right. If you don't forgive yourself, it doesn't matter if the world does. Only your mind can fix what it's created. Being here seems to be a good start

[ZOOTV]

Thank you for the responses, I appreciate it. I know I have some hard work to do to get control of this and yes forgiveness is something I need to do, I just don't know how.

My intention is not to drive away my partner who by the way is exceptionally loving and supportive. I don't want to burden her with my insecurities on a daily basis and that is why I have been trying to occupy myself with other activities to ignore the thinking.

Trying to get counselling where I am is exceptionally difficult and there can be from 1 month to two months waiting time to get in and gaps of that long between each visit. I have spent some time on telephone counselling services recently to try and alleviate some of the anxiety and to a degree it works.

I am actually feeling quite good and confident today so hope it can last as I feel like my old self.

[Itz Omi]

Great, I'm glad you have tried phone counseling and it has helped some!! Keep it up!!

Sounds like you really lucked out with a gem of a lady. I hope you get all this worked out so you can enjoy a wonderful relationship with your new love. Good luck to you!