is this depression?

[acasey]

so iv posted on here a couple of times, asking about medication. still not taking any. i decided to try and fight this on my own. but now i think that i may be depressed also. i just have a hard time acepting that all of this can be caused by anxiety and depression. i keep wondering if it's something else like a personality disorder or something, or maybe i have just completly lost it. i will post all my symptoms. is anyone going through the same thing, is this depression/anxiety or more?
constant anxiety(thinking about why i feel like this, how can i get better)
mood swings, irritable
panic attacks on occasion
complete loss appetite(iv lost 18 pounds in 2 months)
insomnia, waking up at like 5am cant get back to sleep
no interest in what i use to do, i just don't care
can't concentrate, can't make decisions
feel like im a differnt person then i was just a couple months ago. dont recogonize myself. not the same as depersonalization, iv had that too.
everything looks and feels different, like im seeing through new eyes
all i want to do is sleep. but i never can
my whole life has changed, including myself, and everyone around me

i just want to know if this is anxiety and depression. thats what i have been diagnosed with, i have a hard time believing it. i want to feel like myself again, someone please help

[acasey]

yeah, thats so true. hmmm now only if we could get past the sleep issue, maybe things would get better from there....

[generalmac]

Hi acasey,

I have had very similar issues. My life can spiral very quickly with anxiety and honestly, all those things you described are caused by anxiety. It can just get out of hand and you wind up with all these symptoms distracting you from living and you just don't feel like yourself any longer. I have had all kinds of weird symptoms of anxiety from visual changes to breathing problems. I have come a long way since it all started for me and the biggest thing I learned is that stress and anxiety can do so much more to our body then we can imagine. Once I realized that anxiety was the cause, I stopped worry about if I had all these other things wrong with me causing such symptoms.

When you deal with such chronic and scary health and mental health issues it is natural to not feel like yourself. And it may take some time for you to remember who you are underneath all this. The constant worry about why you feel so bad is a natural reaction to anxiety in the body. The mind always is trying to figure out why something isn't right and this in turn makes it worse. I read a book about depression and anxiety and it said all that. What you have to TRY to do is just BE. Constantly worrying and trying to figure things out will only make you worry more and go in circles, because the body just need some time to rest. You do not ignore the thoughts or feelings. No, you acknowledge them but then say "it's okay, those are those thoughts again.. I am going to think about what I am doing right now instead". Just focus on what you are doing and just live. It is the hardest thing to do and I am by no means telling you that you can and have to do it... I just think it is a good point to think about. It is exactly what I am working on right now as well.

In the mean time.. try and find ways to deal with your anxiety if medication is not an option for you. Therapy, relaxation techniques, medication, acupuncture, talking to someone, journaling, painting! I know it is way easier said then done when all you want to do is sleep, trust me i've been there! And know that medication may not be a bad option if you feel you cannot function. It is not 'the easy way out' or the last resort.. it is simply a crutch to help you out when you need it, you know. It may make things a lot easier to overcome. Many medications work on anxiety and depression as well. Just my thoughts, again.

Anyway, in terms of depression, I know it is very common to come into feelings of depression if you are dealing with a lot of stress or anxiety. It is very normal and I have had many times where I feel extremely depressed after or during periods of anxiety. Especially when you don't feel like yourself at all, it makes sense you know.

I hope you are able to get some kind of help though. Maybe tell someone you are having a hard time coming to terms with it. Good luck on your journey and know you are never alone! :)

Cheers

[acasey]

thank you so much for the post. i hate that other people feel this way but at the same time it's so good to know that im not alone. i actually use to take zoloft, it worked amazing, my anxiety was gone, and i didn't have one single side effect. i went off it when i got pregnant. my son is almost two now, and the anxiety just started surfacing again within the last coulpe months, but now it's even worse then before. i went to the doc andgot put back on zoloft, but for some reason it made my anxiety go through the roof. so i tried a couple different ones. celexa, and cymbalta. but i just had so much anxiety about them, what if they cause this or that. that i decided if taking meds is causing me this much anxiety maybe i should just try natural ways. it's VERY hard. but im getting through it. my insomnia is easing up, my appetite is back, and i am able to concentrate again. but the depersonalization still remains. and that is the worst one of all. that feeling alone sends me into a panic. i think once i am able to accept that feeling and just let it be, that it will go away. it's my fearing it thats keeping it around. and even though i know exactly what i need to do for it to go away. i just cant seem to make myself accept it. i tell myself that it's no big deal, it' only an anxiety symptom. but in the back of my mind im still fearing it. and thats why it's not going away. i have a great support system. my boyfriend and my mom are amazing, i tell them exactly how i feel with out them thinking im a nut case. and getting on here and reading post from kind people like you, it always helps me get through.....

[PittsburghCounseling]

I also can relate to the symptoms you described above. An SSRI, Neurontin (Gabapentin) and exercise has made a big difference. I hope you find something that works for you!

[acasey]

iv never heard of neurontin used for that. i have a script for prozac that im to scared to take after reading all the horror stories. i use to take zoloft and it was amazing. my anxiety was completly gone. went off it and when i tried to get back on, it didn't work anymore. so right now im TRYING to deal without meds.