brambles
05-18-2011, 08:54 PM
Hi
My name's Jeff, I'm 18 and live in the UK
I'm new to all this and it's very overwhelming for me so I've put my question here because I'm not sure what's wrong with me.
I've always been extremely shy and quiet, even as a child, and found it harder to make friends than most children but for about the past 4 years I've got steadily worse and now I'm honestly very frightened of becoming reclusive.
I find it very very difficult to talk to anyone on a one-to-one basis and impossible to more than maybe 2/3 because when I do I stammer and mumble, I blush, my hands go sweaty, I have sudden loss of memory and confusion, my heart rate and breathing increases and I become even more anxious and self-conscious. I'm also often "tongue tied" so I physically cannot speak. Because of this I'm usually totally ignored, making the matter worse. At every opportunity in college I go home between the lessons and in breaks, and sometimes pretend to be ill to avoid being in these situations all together. I find that people misinterpret my anxiety as aloofness, or by my family as being "just a bit shy," which has lead to me suffering in silence for a number of years as I feel as if I have nowhere to turn. These views of me are far from the truth as I am kind-hearted and generous by nature, but I am unable to communicate this and so the facade which people see and the voice they hear is not a reflection of my personality, however hard I try to prevent this. I now sometimes find it difficult to even talk to my parents and sister because of my anxiety (especailly when I've had a bad day with it and am feeling down)
I have very low self-esteem, to the point that I avoid mirrors and photos if I can, but when it is unavoidable I honestly don't recognise myself. I think "is that me?" because I can't feel a connection with the face I see and what's inside. I only think negatively towards myself, criticizing every minor fault and never praising my achievements.
Ever since I recently understood my emotions I've realised I've been depressed for a number of years but haven't recognised it, but the feeling is steadily getting worse. I haven't yet told anyone, and would prefer not to (not even my parents as they will just dismiss it as me being a bit hysterical)
I think there has been some quite detrimental events and experiences which have influenced this, starting from the age of 11/12 when I started my secondary school. I was singled-out and unfairly treated by the teachers, who made false accusations against me, publicly humiliated me constantly and tried to expel at every opportunity for nothing (I always have been well behaved) They turned the other children against me, so I felt alienated. Obviously I couldn't complain to anyone because that only would have made things even worse. Unfortunately when this escalated I couldn't leave the school as I had already started my GCSE's at age 14? so was trapped. I know it sounds petty and insignificant but 4 years of bullying from the age of 12 seriously damaged my self-esteem.
Do I have Social Anxiety? and if so, what should I do about it because I've read so many contrasting opinions of what should be my first step and now I'm confused: should I seek medical help, face my fears head-on, slowly reintroduce myself to social situations etc etc?? I don't want to see specialists if in any way avoidable.
Sorry about any typing errors (its 2:54 in the morning here!)
Thanks for your time (if you can be bothered to read ALL this!)
Jeff
My name's Jeff, I'm 18 and live in the UK
I'm new to all this and it's very overwhelming for me so I've put my question here because I'm not sure what's wrong with me.
I've always been extremely shy and quiet, even as a child, and found it harder to make friends than most children but for about the past 4 years I've got steadily worse and now I'm honestly very frightened of becoming reclusive.
I find it very very difficult to talk to anyone on a one-to-one basis and impossible to more than maybe 2/3 because when I do I stammer and mumble, I blush, my hands go sweaty, I have sudden loss of memory and confusion, my heart rate and breathing increases and I become even more anxious and self-conscious. I'm also often "tongue tied" so I physically cannot speak. Because of this I'm usually totally ignored, making the matter worse. At every opportunity in college I go home between the lessons and in breaks, and sometimes pretend to be ill to avoid being in these situations all together. I find that people misinterpret my anxiety as aloofness, or by my family as being "just a bit shy," which has lead to me suffering in silence for a number of years as I feel as if I have nowhere to turn. These views of me are far from the truth as I am kind-hearted and generous by nature, but I am unable to communicate this and so the facade which people see and the voice they hear is not a reflection of my personality, however hard I try to prevent this. I now sometimes find it difficult to even talk to my parents and sister because of my anxiety (especailly when I've had a bad day with it and am feeling down)
I have very low self-esteem, to the point that I avoid mirrors and photos if I can, but when it is unavoidable I honestly don't recognise myself. I think "is that me?" because I can't feel a connection with the face I see and what's inside. I only think negatively towards myself, criticizing every minor fault and never praising my achievements.
Ever since I recently understood my emotions I've realised I've been depressed for a number of years but haven't recognised it, but the feeling is steadily getting worse. I haven't yet told anyone, and would prefer not to (not even my parents as they will just dismiss it as me being a bit hysterical)
I think there has been some quite detrimental events and experiences which have influenced this, starting from the age of 11/12 when I started my secondary school. I was singled-out and unfairly treated by the teachers, who made false accusations against me, publicly humiliated me constantly and tried to expel at every opportunity for nothing (I always have been well behaved) They turned the other children against me, so I felt alienated. Obviously I couldn't complain to anyone because that only would have made things even worse. Unfortunately when this escalated I couldn't leave the school as I had already started my GCSE's at age 14? so was trapped. I know it sounds petty and insignificant but 4 years of bullying from the age of 12 seriously damaged my self-esteem.
Do I have Social Anxiety? and if so, what should I do about it because I've read so many contrasting opinions of what should be my first step and now I'm confused: should I seek medical help, face my fears head-on, slowly reintroduce myself to social situations etc etc?? I don't want to see specialists if in any way avoidable.
Sorry about any typing errors (its 2:54 in the morning here!)
Thanks for your time (if you can be bothered to read ALL this!)
Jeff